Incels, short for involuntary celibates, are an online group of mostly young men who report disenfranchisement related to the fact that no woman will have sex with them (Daly & Reed, 2022; Ging, 2019; Glace et al., 2021). Men and boys at risk of becoming Incels may feel that they lack masculine status due to their inability to fulfil masculine norms of sexual conquest and physical attractiveness (Halpin, 2022). When young men go online to seek help for their relationship and self-image struggles, they may turn to Incel forums that seem to meet their needs while in fact causing harm. We seek to develop an understanding of the needs that lead youth to become Incels to inform interventions that can meet those needs outside Incel groups and ultimately prevent youth from becoming Incels.

Incels Identity and Ideology

Adhering to a central ideology called the “black pill,” Incels believe that women are the advantaged gender because women will always be valued for their sexuality (Høiland, 2019). Conversely, Incels feel that they themselves have no inherent value, at least to society in general, due to their perceived physical unattractiveness and lack of sexual success (O’Malley et al., 2020). Beyond this common tenet, many other aspects of Incel beliefs vary; some endorse violent misogyny while others resent the characterization of their group as hateful, stating that they harbor no hatred for women and are simply sad and lonely (Daly & Nichols, 2024). Analyses of Incel forums shows that the online content they create and consume is rife with misogynistic language, though some Incels claim that these posts do not represent their genuine beliefs (Daly & Nichols, 2024; Halpin et al., 2023).

As a mainly online, anonymous group, details of the Incel community’s demographics remain unknown. Recent research suggests that common perceptions that Incels are almost all White are inaccurate (Gheorghe, 2024; Glace et al., 2021; Høiland, 2019). Many online anti-feminist groups, like Incels, overlap with White supremacist groups (e.g., Alt-Right; Gheorghe, 2024), but racial identity may be more complex in Incel spaces (Gheorghe, 2024; Glace et al., 2021; Høiland, 2019). Many Incels online report that they are Asian, though social media posts from Incel forums also express racism, especially anti-Black racism (Glace et al., 2021). Most Incels are cisgender men/boys who are attracted to women (Menzie, 2020; Roser et al., 2023).

Being an Incel might refer to identity (i.e., perceiving oneself as an Incel), ideology (i.e., holding beliefs consistent with the Incel worldview), and/or group membership (i.e., being a member of a group of people who are Incels). It is likely that the degree to which each of these aspects defines “being an Incel” differs by individual, and that they are expressed along a continuum. In this paper, when we refer to being an Incel, sometimes termed “Inceldom,” we are including the combination of Incel identification, Incel beliefs, and Incel group membership that lead an individual to label themselves as an Incel.

Incels and Masculinity Norms

Patriarchy grants men status through their masculine identity, especially White men, but this masculinity is precarious and contingent on adherence to masculine norms (Connell & Messerschmidt, 2005; Hooks, 2004; Vandello & Bosson, 2013). Masculinity norms reflect societal expectations for how men should think, speak, and act to align with their ascribed gender roles, and vary across cultures, contexts, and over time (Connell, 2005; Connell & Messerschmidt, 2005; Hooks, 2004; Levant & Richmond, 2007). Within Western settler-colonial contexts, the form of masculinity that is hegemonic, patriarchal masculinity, aligns with masculine gender norms that men should be dominant, emotionally restricted, successful in sexual conquest, and physically attractive by Western standards (Connell, 2005; Connell & Messerschmidt, 2005; Fleming & Davis, 2018; Hooks, 2004; Levant & Richmond, 2007). Men targeted by racism experience further harm under these gendered systems, as these norms privilege White masculinity (Nelson et al., 2015; Quam et al., 2020).

Patriarchal norms and expectations are often enforced by other men/boys using aggression, rejection, and shame (Reigeluth & Addis, 2016; Schrock & Schwalbe, 2009). Rigid adherence to these norms can harm men’s mental and physical health and relationships, in addition to being associated with violence and aggression (Exner-Cortens et al., 2021; Gerdes & Levant, 2018; Wong et al., 2017). In sum, men’s positionality with respect to masculinity is complex, as they are both privileged by these gendered systems and harmed by the expectations placed upon them by these same systems (Jewkes et al., 2015). We thus take a critical approach in this paper that aims to identify men’s unmet needs under this system while also problematizing the gendered hierarchy that advantages them.

Some of the risks associated with being an Incel (e.g., poor mental health) are likely linked to the pressures they face when trying to adhere to masculine gender norms (Gerdes & Levant, 2018; Wong et al., 2017). These norms, including the ideas that men should be tough, emotionally detached, dominant, and avoid being feminine, can play a role in both the cause of Incels’ initial social and mental health struggles as well as pose barriers to seeking help for these issues (Gerdes & Levant, 2018; Wong et al., 2017). We specifically focus on the norms that state men should be successful in sexual conquest, physically attractive per contemporary masculine beauty standards, and avoid admitting they need help or seeking help. These norms are of particular concern to Incels (Menzie, 2020).

Sexual Conquest

Patriarchal masculinity frames sex as something a man does to or takes from a woman, often as a way of asserting power (Hust et al., 2017). Having sex with women, therefore, becomes a source of status (Fleming & Davis, 2018), in addition to a source of sexual gratification. Although women and girls are often shamed for losing their virginity, men and boys are shamed for failing to do so (Caron & Hinman, 2013). For example, television shows and movies often stigmatize male virgin characters (Boislard et al., 2022). Because of this, it is possible that men’s virginity may become a source of shame beyond the frustration associated with sexual dissatisfaction. Adolescent boys and young men attempting to lose their virginity might do so when they would not otherwise be willing to have sex to avoid the stigma of being a virgin (Carpenter, 2002). They might also be shamed during the process if their partner learns of their virgin status, even when they are still an adolescent (Carpenter, 2002). As such, adolescent boys and young adult men who are shamed in the context of their sexual activity may redirect the shame they feel under this patriarchal system as anger towards the women who refuse to have sex with them and rid them of their virgin status (Lankford & Silva, 2022), and as a result, become more vulnerable to Incel ideology and becoming an Incel. Some men may also blame larger social efforts towards gender equity as hindering their ability to have relationships in which they and their female partner adhere to traditional gender roles (Hanson et al., 2023).

Attractiveness

Masculine gender norms dictate appearance ideals for men (Hooks, 2004), and men who do not meet these ideals may be seen as insufficiently masculine (Wienke, 1998). Exacerbated by the media, these ideals reflect White body/attractiveness standards (e.g., thin, muscular, tall; Azzarito et al., 2017; Bogaert & McCreary, 2011), and men who strongly endorse these norms report a higher drive to be thin, lean, and muscular as opposed to other body types (Franko et al., 2013), as well as lower body satisfaction (De Jesus et al., 2015; Lorenzen et al., 2004). Related to these appearance ideals, Incels often discuss “lookism,” which they define as the unfair judgement of men based on their physical appearance and approximation to masculine appearance ideals, especially in dating contexts (Daly & Reed, 2022; Halpin, 2022). Incels claim that lookism makes them subordinate to men who are seen as more conventionally attractive (Halpin, 2022).

Help-Seeking

Masculine gender norms also pose a barrier to men/boys who want to seek help for their social and emotional struggles (Addis & Mahalik, 2003; Exner‐Cortens et al., 2021; Levant & Richmond, 2007). Help-seeking may be seen as contrary to masculine gender norms of independence and toughness (Addis & Mahalik, 2003). In addition, men may not know what to look for in a mental health professional or feel that many people are sad and thus they do not require treatment (Seidler et al., 2020). For men already facing a crisis of masculinity, as in the case of many Incels, help-seeking may be especially unappealing. Help-seeking online may be more accessible to young men due to its anonymity (Ellis et al., 2013), but online help-seeking may lead young men to online Incel groups that perpetuate health-harming masculine norms (Ging, 2019).

Current Study

Taken together, research suggests that masculine norms, including standards for men’s sexuality and relationships, physical appearance, and help-seeking, are associated with poor social and mental health outcomes for many men and boys. These same norms are also likely linked to the decision to adopt an Incel identity, ideology and/or group membership. Research has not explored how and why these beliefs might lead some young men to align with the Incel community. Understanding these pathways is critical to designing effective programs to prevent young men from becoming Incels. In the current qualitative study, we examine how masculine norms are connected to young cisgender heterosexual men’s experiences with women and the decision to become an Incel. Throughout this study, we aim to understand how the emotional and social needs of these young men could have been met outside of Incel groups.

In sum, we sought to understand the pathways by which the young men in this study became Incels in the first place. Our research questions were: 1) What are the unmet needs or struggles that draw young men to Incels and Incel ideas? 2) What are the reason(s) these young men choose Incel groups to meet these needs over other communities and support resources? This understanding is needed to identify ways that other resources might be adapted to meet these needs and prevent young men from seeking, finding, and supporting Incel communities.

Method

Participants

Participants included 21 individuals between the ages of 18 and 38 (Mean age = 26) who first identified as Incels between the ages of 15 and 24 (i.e., as youth; World Health Organization, 2006) but no longer consider themselves Incels. We included this age range due to our focus on youth and young men at risk of becoming Incels. However, we placed no upper limit on participants’ current age. On average, participants first identified as an Incel around age 18. Our exclusion criteria did not include gender or geographic restrictions. All participants were men, with one participant indicating they were mostly a man but questioning their gender. For confidentiality reasons, we did not explicitly ask for geographic data. However, some participants independently discussed their home country. Based on these responses, participants were located across North America, Asia, and Europe.

Participants were not given standard response options when asked to describe their racial/ethnic identity, so the specific terms used varied. Based on the broader categories of participants’ specific ethnicities, participants were predominantly Asian (n = 9) and White (n = 8). Other participants described themselves as Hispanic (n = 2) and multiracial (n = 2). The specific term each participant used to describe their race/ethnicity is used next to any quotes in the text. All participants were attracted to women; the majority were straight (n = 15), while 4 participants reported they were bisexual, pansexual, or queer, and 2 reported questioning their sexuality. To be eligible, participants needed to speak basic English. All participants selected their own pseudonyms, which were only changed if they referred to a real person or copyrighted material.

Procedure

Recruitment

Participants were recruited using paid advertisements on Reddit, a social media website that has hosted forums dedicated to Incel content in the past and currently hosts a forum dedicated to former Incels. Recruitment advertisements were targeted based on the interests expressed by former Incels (e.g., video games, cryptocurrency) from research team observation of former Incels’ public social media posts. Recruitment adverts were not posted on the forum for former Incels due to website and forum policies. Participants who clicked on the advertisement were directed to further information about the study and an eligibility form on Qualtrics. Those who completed the form and matched our inclusion criteria (i.e., first became an Incel between ages 15 and 24 and were no longer an Incel) were asked to provide their email address to be contacted to schedule an interview. We aimed to interview 20 participants. Research suggests that 9–17 interviews are sufficient to reach saturation in qualitative research (Hennink & Kaiser, 2022). The interviews covered in this manuscript were the first in a series of three interviews over the course of a year. We interviewed more participants than suggested to account for future attrition, but later time points are outside the scope of this manuscript. In total, 75 individuals provided their email addresses, 29 were scheduled for interviews, and 21 individuals participated in the first of three interviews. We did not collect participants’ legal names or any identifying information aside from their email address. Participants were told to use an email address that did not contain their real name. Participants were also given a gift card worth $30 Canadian as compensation for their time. We received approval from the authors’ institutional Research Ethics Board to conduct this research before beginning data collection.

Semi-Structured Interviews

The first author held semi-structured interviews with all participants via Zoom. The interview guide is shown in Table 1. Participants gave digital consent and were allowed to have their camera on or off depending on their comfort level. The interviewer kept her camera on for the interviews, except for one case in which the video caused internet issues for the participant. All participants saw the interviewer, who is a mid 20’s White woman, for at least part of their interview. Regardless of participants’ camera usage, only interview audio was kept, transcribed, and analyzed. Interview prompts covered the definition of an Incel, Incel beliefs, and their experiences before, during, and after their time as an Incel. As interviews were semi-structured, most also covered other topics based on participants’ ideas. Data are not shared as the nature of detailed interview transcripts and the sensitivity of the topic pose too great a risk to participants’ privacy and confidentiality. Interviews were transcribed verbatim by either the first author or a hired transcriptionist. Transcripts were reviewed by a member of the research team and checked for accuracy against the recorded audio, including a final check by the first author. Transcripts were then returned to participants who were asked to provide any needed feedback or clarification to ensure their ideas were represented well (i.e., a member check). Most participants made minor or no changes to their transcript; none made major edits.

Table 1 Interview Schedule
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Analytic Approach

After member checking was complete and participant feedback was incorporated into the transcripts, the first author used reflexive thematic analysis (Braun & Clarke, 2006, 2021) to analyze the interview transcripts. Reflexive thematic analysis is the process of organizing data into meaningful themes in an interpretative, iterative process (Braun & Clarke, 2006, 2021). Per Braun and Clarke’s (2021) model of reflexive thematic analysis, we did not focus on interrater reliability in line with the critical epistemology underlying our work. The first author conducted the coding process without a second coder. All coding was conducted in NVivo 12.

Familiarization

The first author conducted all the interviews, reviewed the transcripts against the recorded audio, and incorporated participant feedback. Participants were from different cultures and used different languages to describe their experiences. When needed, transcripts were reviewed multiple times and at slower speeds to ensure an accurate transcription. A further consideration in data collection with Incels or former Incels is the niche slang used in these communities. The first author was already familiar with much of this slang related to past research (Glace et al., 2021), which allowed for easier discussion of these topics during the interviews. On the few occasions in which the first author did not recognize a term, the participant was asked to clarify if possible and the term was reviewed later online. The first author familiarized herself with the data further by reading through the data in-depth and taking notes of common topics.

Coding

The first author took a predominately data-driven approach to coding. Initial codes were developed based on a thorough review of all collected data. This process involved multiple, in-depth readings of the transcripts to further explore codes that were particularly prevalent across participants and/or particularly central to multiple participants’ experiences. We focused on the process of becoming an Incel and how it may be prevented. We also anticipated that masculine norms would be a significant factor. Beyond these broad considerations, codes were grounded in the data. We took a contextualist approach, examining individual psychological realities and considering the social context in which they are shaped (Braun & Clarke, 2006).

Identifying, Reviewing, and Naming Themes

Codes were organized into broader themes based on the details of the excerpts and how participants made sense of their experiences. When reviewing themes, there was some tension across transcripts related to heterogeneity between participants’ worldviews and attributions for their own actions and beliefs. Specifically, some participants still held beliefs essentially consistent with those of current Incels but no longer considered themselves Incels simply because they had sex. Others explicitly disavowed their former beliefs and made much more negative attributions related to their past as an Incel. The first author focused on within-theme commonalities across participants to support internal homogeneity when organizing codes and identifying themes. For example, some participants felt that they struggled to ask for help because they felt they existed in a social structure that favors women’s needs. Others felt that their struggles help-seeking were due to gender roles under a patriarchal structure consistent with a feminist worldview. We focused on the commonality that participants generally agreed that men experience social pressure to hide their feelings instead of seeking help. However, the process of naming themes also had to account for heterogeneity across participants. Themes were named based on our interpretation of how participant experiences fit into the overall process of adopting an Incel identity or worldview.

Reflexivity and Positionality

The lived experiences of our participants differ markedly from those of the research team. All members of the research team were White feminist women, whereas all participants were men or masculine-identified individuals, and many participants discussed their experiences of racialization. These differences in our experiences are important to consider when interpreting our results and have been the subject of critical reflection throughout the research process. Member checks were used to further incorporate participants’ own perspectives. Some participants identified as feminists and leftists, while others reported more conservative beliefs and views on gender. We did not seek to challenge participants’ views and held that members of this group should be approached with compassion. Yet, we must also name our own critical feminist anti-oppressive lens and acknowledge its role in our interactions with participants and the data. For example, many Incel beliefs include the idea that women “have it easy” compared to men. The interviewer did not challenge this belief when it was raised but probed to understand how this belief was developed to inform how it might be challenged in a prevention program. We also acknowledge that while men hold privilege over women and gender minority people, we also recognize that men’s social and emotional struggles do not need to be perceived as worse in comparison to be worthy of support. Given our lens and positionality, it is likely that we are particularly attuned to statements related to beliefs about gender and society, especially when relevant to the participant’s perception of the research team and project.

In the process of research design and data collection, the research team sought to balance safety considerations related to the general Incel community alongside building trust with individual participants. For example, because some Incels have committed violence, the recruitment advertisements did not include any individual researcher’s names. However, once participants logged on to the interview, they were able to see the researcher’s name and face to build trust. The first author, who was also the interviewer, has conducted research related to Incels before, but had not interacted with current or former Incels directly. However, she has collected data from and worked with special populations (e.g., juveniles incarcerated for sex offenses). Given that members of the Incel community hold negative beliefs about women, the interviewer anticipated negative comments about women in general and herself individually. While there were some instances of the former, the latter did not occur. Conversely, many participants were concerned with protecting the interviewer’s feelings and/or not appearing misogynistic. Several asked the interviewer for permission before using profanity, apologized when discussing any negative beliefs about women, and/or explicitly stated that they did not hold those negative views of the interviewer.

It is important to note our stance as feminist researchers focused on violence prevention. Work with Incels must reconcile two conflicting facts. First, Incel ideology is harmful and to publish it uncritically would be to promote the worst of its tenets, including the idea that women are subhuman and that violence against them is warranted (Glace et al., 2021). Self-identified Incels have committed unjustifiable acts of violence, up to and including mass murder resulting in the needless loss of human life (Hoffman et al., 2020). Second, shaming a target population is harmful to prevention efforts (Blacksher, 2018) and most Incels do not commit acts of violence but face genuine struggles (Daly & Reed, 2022). We take a critical approach that acknowledges the importance of providing support to individuals by addressing the struggles with masculine gender norms that may lead young men to become Incels, while also holding that many aspects of these ideologies are untrue and harmful (e.g., the idea that women are inherently shallow and only care about looks and money), and working to deconstruct the oppressive and violent patriarchal systems that underlie these beliefs and experiences. We were cognizant of our lens through the research process.

Results

Themes were organized around two core themes. Sub-themes within those themes are represented in a summary table (Table 2). From these data, we learned that many participants became Incels after they sought help online for some social or emotional challenge they faced and found that the Incel community met or seemed to offer solutions to the challenges they faced. In making meaning of these themes, and per our feminist, anti-oppressive lens, we situated these stories of help-seeking and help-finding within the larger societal pressures to adhere to masculine norms of sexual conquest, attractiveness, and autonomy.

Table 2 Theme and Sub-Theme Details
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Seeking Help Online for Struggles Meeting Masculinity Norms

Participants described their struggles with sexual relationships, platonic relationships, and self-esteem that led them to seek help online. Specifically, these struggles related to masculine norms that prescribe being successful in heterosexual sexual conquest, confident and well-liked in platonic relationships, and emotionally tough and independent (Connell, 2005; Connell & Messerschmidt, 2005; Fleming & Davis, 2018; Hooks, 2004; Levant & Richmond, 2007). Overall, former Incels reported that they had been socially isolated and struggling with poor mental health, especially low self-esteem, prior to seeking help online.

“I’m a Loser Because I Can’t Get Women”

Many participants reported that they sought help online because they struggled to form romantic/sexual relationships. They often faced rejection and felt isolated from their peers due to these missing experiences. As stated by fain (22, White and Asian), “I saw people around me … being intimate with each other while I was stuck in a cycle of asking people out and getting made fun of, rejected.” In addition to experiencing rejection, participants who reported that they were unable to have sex also struggled with not being able to achieve the expectation for men to be sexually active. In response to this experience of rejection, many participants, like Joey Jr (37, South Asian) expressed feelings of having low or no value, “In movies a person who is a virgin is a loser.”

Even though not having a (sexual) relationship is considered a hallmark of Incel identity, not all participants reported a complete lack of relationships; some had relationships that ended badly (e.g., cheating). Others reported platonic relationships with women that they hoped would become sexual in which they were rejected or “friendzoned” (i.e., rejected as a romantic partner but accepted as a platonic friend). Help-seeking online in response to these situations led some young men, like Matthew (27, Thai), to engage with Incel content, “I had a rough break up … I am looking [for] a way to improve myself … and then I see a pick-up artist thing. And then pick up artist being into the Incel content.” Pick-up artists are an online subculture of men who share advice about manipulating women into having sex; they are often associated with Incels.

Status loss related to a lack of sexual and romantic relationships was not just self-imposed, as these masculinity norms are often socially enforced, as well (Fleming & Davis, 2018). Norman (24, White) acknowledged this, “There is a lot of societal pressure to have a significant other as a man.” Some participants reported that over time they found the masculine norm that men should be sexually successful with women, and not sexual desire itself, to be the root cause of the distress they felt at being unable to form sexual relationships. Stranger (25, Chinese and White) describes this dynamic, “I feel the Incel thing is not just sex. I think it was specifically sex with women. The prize, the hunt.” In sum, for many participants, a mix of individual experiences of thwarted sexual desire and societal pressures to be sexually successful with women contributed to their struggles.

“I’m All Alone”

General loneliness also drove many former Incels towards Incel content online. For many participants, this loneliness included struggles with platonic and familial social connections in addition to romantic relationships. Contextual factors, such as physical setting and culture, may exacerbate this loneliness. MW (21, White/Slavic) describes this, “I used to use a lot of time on the internet cause I still live in the suburbs, so I didn’t have too much access to friends.” Further described by Alex, this loneliness might be a particular concern in Western cultures that emphasize independence over community:

I can see my family that doesn’t live in the United States and how much just being part of a larger family and more community activities is a really great grounds... for making people talk to each other and essentially... setting up relationships by getting opportunities to meet... And that when instead you’re raised in a small household…And you’re meant to just be very individual and figure it out yourself. – Alex, 22, Hispanic

The impacts of this cultural disconnectedness might be most apparent during life transitions common in emerging and early adulthood, such as leaving high school or college. Casey M (34, White) reported experiencing more loneliness upon leaving college, “Where is everyone all of a sudden? School from age 6 to 22 there were always people around… all of a sudden, I was alone in the big city.” Men and boys at these life stages may be particularly likely to seek help online, and particularly vulnerable to Incel ideas.

Masculine norms can exacerbate this social isolation. As described by Stranger (25, Chinese/White), “When it comes to men, especially in a very masculine society they don’t give you any affection.” Masculinity norms and the perception that asking for help is shameful may also act as a barrier to both formal and informal help-seeking among young men (Addis & Mahalik, 2003). John Doe (18, Indian) describes feeling shame about asking for help, “When you’re that age, you’re just searching for answers about your problems. You feel shame, you can’t [take] these problems to people you know, because you think that they’ll make fun of you.” As a result, young men who are struggling with relationships and who spend large amounts of time online may seek help through unconventional avenues, like the Incel community. Charleswoofer (24, Hispanic) describes this, “Most of my friends were online… the internet raised me. I think that is one of the major factors… why I explored those communities.”

“I Have No Value”

Former Incels expressed past or current feelings of having no value and low self-esteem, either related to their appearance, their lack of relationship success, or other aspects of their life. One such aspect was their career, as described by Scuzzy (38, East Asian), “If you don’t have a job, if you work at [fast food restaurants] people don’t feel valued.” This is likely related to the fact that career success is also important to masculine norms (Schrock & Schwalbe, 2009).

Many participants felt that their physical appearance was part of the reason they did not value themselves and/or were not valued by others. Participants identified patriarchal masculine appearance norms as both a cause of their sexual struggles and a source of harm. Norman (24, White) identified several aspects of these appearance norms, “Hopefully when I lose a bit more weight, get a bit more muscular, the usual things, I become more attractive. I’m searching for that fucking privilege [that comes from being attractive], right? … It’s extremely highly valued and it taints every social interaction.” Participants felt that these standards were especially harmful when using dating apps. Many, like John (27, Eastern European), found that dating apps made them feel negatively about their looks, “I see men talking about dating apps… it also makes you feel that you are… in terms of physical appearance, you are not enough.”

Patriarchal masculinity also centers White masculinity, such that the prototypical attractive man is also White (Rodrigues & Przybylo, 2018). Not surprisingly, then, when some participants sought help online for their appearance concerns, their concerns also included their race. This was particularly relevant on dating apps. For example, while Phral (22, Filipino) had become more optimistic about his dating process since leaving Incel forums, he did identify this concern, “It’s true that when you’re on Tinder if you’re like an Indian man, Chinese man, whatever you’d have less success like White men.”

Related to having very low self-esteem, participants experienced many mental health struggles and reported perceptions that this experience was common among Incels. Derek (31, White) suggested that this might contribute to a person becoming an Incel, “There’s a certain type of person who seems gravitated to it. It’s a person who is… consumed somewhat by bitterness or feelings of inadequacy or anxiety.” One participant, MW (21, White/Slavic), called the time that he first joined an Incel group, “by far one of the most depressing years of my life.”

Down the Rabbit Hole: Finding Help Online from the Incel Community

Participants in our study felt that they were losers because they had troubles with sexual relationships, were lonely, and felt that they had no value. Due to the pressures and expectations surrounding masculinity norms, they also felt that they couldn’t seek help for these concerns in person. Therefore, they looked online, where they found Incel content on 4-Chan (n = 8), Reddit (n = 8), YouTube (n = 6), Instagram (n = 3), Facebook (n = 2), Omegle (n = 1), MSN Messenger (n = 1), Tumblr (n = 1), TikTok (n = 1), or another blog (n = 4). Many participants reported multiple social media sites as sources of initial exposure to Incel content. It should be noted that we did recruit from Reddit, making it possible that Reddit’s role is overstated amongst our participants. However, Reddit’s major role in Incel culture is a reason we chose it for recruitment. No participant first learned of Incels exclusively through offline sources. As Scuzzy (38, East Asian) states, “I started searching online for groups of people that could I guess help me understand what was going on because I guess I was pretty negatively affected by [the false sexual assault allegation that led me to become an Incel].”

Though many non-Incel resources online might provide the same kind of support, participants reported that Incel content was the easiest to find and/or resonated the best with them. Norman (24, White) states, “I go out and I reach out and the first thing you find is the manosphere, by the way, the second you start reaching out.” More specifically, participants connected with Incel groups because they provided a sense of belonging, gave them opportunities to bolster their self-esteem and (re)affirm their masculinity, and allowed them to avoid addressing their struggles by shifting the blame to others. These aspects of Incel groups seemed to offer solutions to the reasons for help-seeking in the prior theme.

“It’s Not Your Fault”

Participants felt drawn to Incel groups because these groups allowed them to blame others for their difficulties. Andrew (22, White) described this appeal, “That’s how a lot of the world’s worse communities get started … by people in the dumps being told by like a group or community that like ‘Oh it’s not your fault, it’s somebody else’s fault.’ It’s appealing.”

Many Incels’ struggles are related to masculine norms out of any one individual’s control. However, participants like charleswoofer (24, Hispanic) identified reasonable behaviors for which they as an individual could take responsibility: “None of [the Incel forums] will say that we have to practice, you have to be uncomfortable, you have to go talk to anyone.” The belief that women and other non-Incels were responsible for Incels’ struggles ultimately kept the young men in our project from pursuing relationships and leaving the group. As described by Chris (38, White), “Some other people would kind of just never make an effort to get a girlfriend or anything and then just get angry about it.”

“You Belong Here”

Participants reported loneliness in both romantic and platonic areas of their lives leading up to their experiences as an Incel. Perceiving that their peers were all dating and having sex, participants, like Derek (31, White), found validation and community from those with shared experiences. “‘Hey that’s me, hey maybe I belong here.’ You see that … and it’s like ‘Yeah other people are feeling this stuff, I’m not alone.’” Participants’ loneliness and shared experiences with the Incel community left them vulnerable to being drawn into Incel ideology. Anon (20, Indian) describes how the Incel community can initially seem to meet young men’s need for support, “You are this person who don’t have many friends and basically you are a loner in class. So, you find this community who gets you… they give you a legion of support.” Furthering this effect, participants like Joey Jr (37, South Asian) struggled to connect with support resources outside the Incel community and felt that their social needs could not be met elsewhere, “It felt like you can discuss these kind of taboo situations [to voice concerns about lack of romantic interest, being an adult male virgin] in the safety of the [Incel] forums.” Participants reported conflicts with outgroup members that made Incel spaces more appealing.

“You Are Special”

Former Incels also reported feeling drawn to Incel content because it made them feel special. Despite Incels’ claims of low status, participants like Anon (20, Indian) felt that they have special knowledge of the true nature of society, making them superior to “normies” (i.e., non-Incels), “It’s this false sense of like superiority. Like ‘Hey we are better than them, we know the truth. All these people are like normies.’” This perceived special knowledge may allow Incels to denigrate women in particular as a way of affirming their own superior masculine status. As shown by charleswoofer (24, Hispanic) when describing his past views, “[Girls] are inherently bad. And, let’s say, as a result, inferior human beings.”

As a further opportunity for masculinity affirmation, the shocking and violent content that can be shared on Incel forums gave these young men a chance to demonstrate that they were tough and unbothered by upsetting images, and in that way, also special. ML (18, Asian) described the gore present on these forums and how Incels reacted, “You kinda have to show that you’re tough. Have you seen that video of that guy getting his head cut off? Yeah of course I’ve seen it, I’m not disgusted.” Participants also saw Incel identification as the opposite of feminist identification. This opposition to feminism presented another opportunity to reaffirm their masculinity and demonstrate how they belonged in this space. Anonymous (20, Indian) reported that identifying with feminism would do the opposite, “I thought identifying as feminist might make a mockery out of my peer group.”

Discussion

Former Incels shared their experiences about how they found the Incel community and why they found this community appealing. Initial engagement with the Incel community often happened through online searches for information about feeling inadequate in relation to masculine norms and how to solve their problems, related to expectations of sexual conquest, attractiveness, and high status. The Incel community provided a source of validation and support for these problems by letting participants know that their struggles were not their fault, they had a place to belong, and they were special. Among the strengths of this research is the fact that we interacted with former Incels directly, thereby expanding on past analyses of social media posts. Our participants shared a rich diversity of experiences spanning life stages, cultures, and continents, such that we can describe the complexity and nuance within these experiences.

Participants reported contending with unmet sexual, social, and self-esteem needs, and how these needs tied back to masculine norms, ultimately leading them to find Incel groups. Feeling unable to meet masculine norms – particularly in sexual domains – was a common thread across participants’ reasons for help-seeking, and Incel communities offered them a source of support for these specific struggles. Unfortunately, their striving to conform to these norms was also associated with other detrimental impacts to their social and mental health. This finding is unsurprising given the association between adherence to masculine norms and poor mental health and violence among men (Gerdes & Levant, 2018; Schrock & Schwalbe, 2009; Wong et al., 2017). These norms dictate that men should be successful in sexual conquest, be high-status, and not seek help when struggling (Levant & Richmond, 2007). When participants did not meet these standards, they felt that they had no value. Further, masculine norms also dictate that men should be stoic and independent (Levant & Richmond, 2007). These norms make it even more difficult for men/boys to seek social and emotional support when needed (Addis & Mahalik, 2003; Levant & Richmond, 2007).

Former Incels felt that they could not seek help for their struggles with expectations of patriarchal masculinity norms due to those same masculinity norms. Anonymous, online Incel forums, which allowed them to seek help and (re)affirm their masculinity without revealing their identity or directly asking for help may appear to be an appealing strategy to address these struggles. Yet, this strategy (whether to receive validation, cope with loneliness, etc.) is ultimately unhelpful due to the health and safety risks associated with being an Incel (Daly & Reed, 2022). Alternative approaches that can fill this niche – online, anonymous, and adapted to the needs and experiences of young men – are needed to protect young men’s mental health and overall public safety. Specific considerations for prevention programs include targeting the masculine norms that lie at the root of many of these problems. Gender-transformative programs that challenge patriarchal ideas of what it means to be a man (Conde & Exner-Cortens, 2022) may hold promise with this group.

Former Incels struggled with the negative experience of sexual rejection and threat of losing masculine status associated with being a virgin, leading them to seek help online. Relatedly, participants also worried about their physical attractiveness and ability to live up to White, lean, and tall standards of Western settler-colonial patriarchal masculine attractiveness (Azzarito et al., 2017; Franko et al., 2013). Participants reported that an appeal of Incel ideology is that it allowed them to blame women for their romantic and sexual struggles while avoiding responsibility for their behavior in interpersonal interactions and lack of self-care. In these cases, participants generally reported that assuming more responsibility in these areas of their lives was helpful to their health and well-being as they moved away from Incel beliefs and identification.

As a further reason for help-seeking, in late adolescence, some boys’ friendships become less close as same-gender platonic emotional intimacy is not seen as sufficiently masculine (Way, 2012). In our sample, participants also reported additional loneliness related to the perception that their friends were engaging in romantic and sexual relationships when they were not. Participants further felt they could not share their experiences with typical sources of formal (e.g., therapists) or informal (e.g., friends) support, because of fears that they would be judged for their emotional vulnerability, their failure in sexual conquests, or due to negative perceptions of Incels. Further, many men in Western culture are discouraged from engaging in platonic emotional intimacy with each other and may expect to rely on their romantic partner for their social needs (Stronge et al., 2019). Thus, the lack of a partner means that men’s social and emotional needs may go unmet.

From our data, it is clear that Incels hold a contradictory worldview in which they are both below and above outsiders. Incels see themselves as below outsiders due to their perceived lack of masculine sexual success and attractiveness and above outsiders due to what they feel is their secret knowledge of how society works. Incel beliefs and associated feelings of having special knowledge offer an attractive compensatory strategy for young men coping with low self-esteem. These views allow them to bolster their self-image, while avoiding the challenges inherent to addressing their mental health and self-esteem struggles.

Limitations and Future Directions

This research also has limitations to consider when interpreting these results. The fact that we worked with former Incels suggests the potential for a survival effect and the perspectives of those who did not “make it out” of the Incel community are unaccounted for in our work. Further, it is possible that the interviewer’s gender limited the information participants were willing to share, as they may have been more forthcoming had a man conducted the interviews. At times, participants seemed reluctant to disclose past or current negative ideas about women and when asked, some participants stated that they might have shared more candidly with a male interviewer. It is also possible that there are other topics, including things like emotional vulnerability, that participants would have been less likely to share with a male interviewer due to masculine norms. Finally, while our sample included some racial and ethnic diversity, there were no Black or Indigenous participants in this research. It is unclear whether this is representative of true population characteristics, or if this experience is simply missing from our sample. Black and/or Indigenous Incels and former Incels may have different pathways into the Incel community, given the different histories of their communities under settler-colonialism. However, given past research has found anti-Black racism on Incel forums (Glace et al., 2021), it is possible that almost all Incels are White and/or Asian.

Building on these findings, future research should examine specific risk factors that determine which boys and men are at highest risk of becoming Incels and what specifically might be useful in preventing them from going down the Incel rabbit hole (e.g., gender-transformative programs; Conde & Exner-Cortens, 2022). Many racial groups were not represented in our sample. Future research should consider how young Black and Indigenous men experience these same beliefs and social pressures, whether or not they are called “Incel” experiences. Another important avenue is identifying prevention opportunities from the perspectives of current Incels, who may hold more extreme views and have insight into more recent Incel experiences.

Practice Implications

Incel groups allow men and boys to avoid feeling blamed for their struggles, provide a sense of belonging, and can help them to cope with masculinity and related self-esteem concerns. Effective prevention should direct men and boys to alternative resources to meet their needs. The moment a young man reaches out for help online and finds an Incel forum instead of an effective, healthy support is a missed opportunity for prevention and increases the risk of harm to the young man and women/marginalized gender groups in his community. The current findings underscore the importance of the pressure to conform to masculine norms in pushing men toward these communities. Gender-transformative programs that address and incorporate these gendered pressures and experiences are a promising approach (Conde & Exner-Cortens, 2022). For example, programs that support men and boys in taking responsibility for their health and relationships and encouraging them to pursue new avenues for social connection might be useful. Such gender transformative programs also need to encourage boys and men to think critically about gender roles and foster more gender-equitable relationships that challenge patriarchal pressures and norms. Importantly, any support or prevention program in this area must address the specific gender norm that men and boys should not acknowledge they need or seek out mental health support and work to destigmatize help-seeking among men, so they do not feel compelled to search for help anonymously online. These programs have the potential to address current, former, and future Incel’s relational and psychological challenges while also challenging the misogyny that is perpetuated in Incel spaces (Conde & Exner-Cortens, 2022).

Alternative online spaces that appear in the same web search and cultivate a sense of shared experiences and belonging without promoting Incel ideology might be helpful in this regard as well. Future research with a focus on search engine optimization and web search algorithms may be useful in accomplishing this goal. For example, these might include still anonymous forums where adolescent boys and young men can discuss relationship struggles in a space facilitated and moderated by men who model healthy masculinity. Regardless of the format of these programs, we first need to get boys and men to engage with them to ever be effective (Hooks, 1994). Programs aimed at preventing boys and men from becoming Incels should consider the characteristics of Incel forums that appeal to them. Programs that are accessible online, anonymous, and that do not use the word “feminism” might be most effective at reaching potential participants. Participants in this research sometimes reported negative feelings about “feminism,” but were open to feminist ideas (e.g., gender equality) when presented without the label. Misconceptions about feminism may lead boys and men to avoid interventions explicitly labeled “feminist” with which they might otherwise engage. Care must be taken to validate participant experiences while also challenging the masculine norms that create risks and harm for men’s and boys’ health (Hooks, 1994).

Conclusion

Boys and men at risk of becoming Incels face relational and psychological challenges, often rooted in masculine norms, for which they may seek support online and find Incel communities through this route. For some boys and men, Incel forums provide the validation and space they need to feel valued and understood. We found that participants in our sample were often acutely distressed by their experiences and spent large amounts of time online, and that the Incel community and belief system offered validation of their struggles. These findings offer insights into the needs of boys and men at risk of becoming Incels and possible targets for prevention and intervention to divert them from taking this pathway.