Keywords

Qur’anic Verses on Women’s Nuptial Rights

Verse

Verse Women, 4:19 Oh you who believe: it is not lawful for you to inherit women against their will, nor to constrain them [i.e. from re-marrying] so that you can take away some of what you (pl.) had given them…

The above verse abolished the pre-Qur’anic Arabian custom of men inheriting the wives of their deceased relatives as spouses. Having established that women have a right to their own property, the Qur’an also abolishes the earlier custom of forcing widows into marriage (in a bid to take over the deceased husband’s property), while also condemning the alternative approach of preventing them from re-marrying (so that the relatives of the widow ’s husband can retain some access to that property through leverage). In effect, this combination of Qur’anic actions established women as the subjects and not objects of inheritance.

Needless to say, the principle that the Qur’an defends in this verse is the right of a woman to choose when and whom to marry (and what to do with her property or wealth).

Verse

Verse Women, 4:4 And give the women their (bridal ) gifts without conditions. But if they voluntarily offer you any part of it, then you are welcome to consume and enjoy it.

Verse

Verse Women, 4:24 …And those (women) whom you seek to enjoy (in marriage), give them their dues [i.e. bridal gifts] as a duty. And there is no blame on either of you for whatever you may mutually agree after the duty (has been done). For God is all-Knowing, Wise.

Verses 4:4 and 4:24 established the legal requirement henceforth that the groom provide a bridal gift (mahr) directly to the woman he is marrying , and makes it crystal clear that this is an unconditional gift that is to be treated as her property alone. In so doing, the Qur’an essentially introduces yet another source of income for women, alongside inheritance income and the right to earn discussed earlier in Chap. 11’s section entitled “Participation”. The word often used to refer to bridal gifts is “dues” or “wages”, which serves to underscore that God views it as an entitlement of the bride’s, not a charitable gift.

Verse

Verse The Confederates, 33:50 Oh Prophet : We have made lawful for you your wives whom you have given their dues [bridal gift]…

Nor was the Prophet exempt from providing the bridal gift, as this verse shows, although there is an exception to this if he marries one of his own slaves or prisoners per verse 33:50, which will be discussed under Chap. 14’s section “Muhammad’s Marriages”.

The bridal gift is of the utmost importance in a social context where women may have limited access to an independent source of income like work or sufficient inheritance. Among the more affluent today the bridal gift is often a symbolic one, typically a beautifully decorated copy of the Qur’an together with a solitaire ring or jewellery set. The point of the bridal gift appears to have been to ensure commitment on the part of a prospective husband in a social context where men often acquired and discarded women on a whim, or at least without sufficient consideration to their wellbeing. This concern on the part of God in the Qur’an is made clear in several verses on divorce guidelines, to be discussed a bit later in Chap. 15, entitled Divorce.

Crucially, the decision as to what constitutes a suitable bridal gift (mahr) was always the bride’s, starting from the Prophet’s time, and marriage did not merge a woman’s economic identity with that of her husband:

In a patriarchal society, even a general declaration of equal rights is not sufficient to protect women. Consequently, divine wisdom gave women further protections. Paramount among these protections is the ability of a Muslim woman to negotiate her marriage contract and place in it any conditions that do not contradict its purpose. For example, she could place in her marriage contract…a condition requiring him to support her in the pursuit of her education after marriage. She could also use the marriage contract to ensure that her marriage would foster, rather than destroy, her financial independence. This goal is usually achieved by requiring a substantial mahr [bridal gift].

…One woman may prefer cash, another property, depending on her relative needs or even taste…A woman of meager means may prefer to ask for capital that she could immediately invest in a business. Her husband would have no access to either the capital or income from that business even if he were in need because legally, her mahr belongs to her alone.

…Sometimes women resort to the custom of dividing the mahr into two amounts: advanced and deferred. The advanced mahr is usually small and merely symbolic. It is due by the time of the marriage ceremony. The deferred mahr is usually a substantial lump-sum payment. Unless otherwise specified, it becomes due only in case of death or divorce. If the husband dies, the deferred mahr becomes an outstanding senior debt against his estate (not to be confused with the woman’s share/inheritance in the estate of her husband). If the couple divorce, the husband must pay the deferred mahr at the dissolution of the marriage. Thus the concept of deferred mahr is somewhat analogous to that of lump-sum alimony in the United States.Footnote 1

Most demonstratively, the importance of non-coercion in marriage and the bridal gift (mahr)—as well as universal gender equality—are combined in a verse about marrying bondwomen (slavery was still prevalent in seventh-century Arabia). The Qur’an addressed the case of men who could not afford to marry a free and believing woman, but who would be able to marry a servant-slave :

Verse

Verse Women, 4:25 And those among you who cannot afford to marry chaste , believing (free) women then (let them marry ) the believing maids you (pl.) rightfully possess. God knows best your faith. You are from one another, so marry them with permission of their folk and give them their dues [bridal gifts] with kindness (bil-maaroof), as married women and not as debauched women or illicit lovers…

This is an extraordinary verse on many counts. The same, “you are from one another” used in the Qur’an to describe the universal male and female is applied here contextually to equate a freeman with a bondwoman united in belief, while ensuring that a woman’s slave status is not regarded as license to force her to marry , skip the bridal gift , behave unkindly towards her or with a lesser courtesy than would be extended to a freewoman. More will be said about the institution of slavery and how it appears to have functioned at the time in seventh-century Arabia in Chap. 14’s section on monogamy.

The Alleged Pushback of the Qur’an on a Woman Choosing Her Own Spouse: But It Is for Her “Guardian” to Decide!

Once verse 4:34 discussed above is misinterpreted to mean that men are literal guardians rather than now obligated financial supporters of women, it becomes easy to strip a woman of her ability to marry without a “guardian” not only to authorise her marriage but to speak for her, quite literally, during the ceremony itself. As a reminder here is that section of the verse again compared with how it is usually interpreted/translated:

Verse

Verse ✓ Women, 4:34 Men are upholders/maintainers (qawwamūn ) of women with whatever God has favoured some [i.e. men] with over others [i.e. other men], and with whatever they spend of their wealth [i.e. on the women]. Therefore righteous women are devoutly pious (qanitāt ), keeping private what God has ordained be so-kept… × Men are guardians/in charge of women because God has preferred the one (men) over the other (women), and because they spend of their wealth (on the women); therefore righteous women are obedient, guarding in (their husbands’) absence what God would guard…

It is a disturbing manifestation of this type of patriarchy when a woman is asked by the presiding officiant at her own nuptial service who her (male) guardian is who will act on her behalf—literally who her “deputy” or “representative” is, as though she were totally absent from the imminent proceedings!

Yet this is what happens in most cases with few but growing exceptions, with officiants often priding themselves on being diligent enough to even ask the bride who will represent her (rather than taking any present man’s word for it, I suppose).

As for the claim that a woman cannot disobey her parents with regard to marriage in particular, this is false. The Qur’an commands respect and kindness to parents , not obedience, from both men and women:

Verse

Verse Women, 4:36 And worship God and do not ascribe any partner to Him. And be good to parents…

Verse

Verse The Night Journey, 17:23 And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and to be good to parents. If one or both of them reach old age, do not (even) say “Uff!” to them nor chide them, but speak to them a gracious word.

Nor does the Qur’an ever single out the father as deserving more respect or having more authority than the mother , whereas it does make special mention of mothers :

Verse

Verse The Sand Dunes, 46:15 And We have charged every human being with being good to its parents; its mother bore it in discomfort and gave birth to it in discomfort…

And as for the claim that marriage is incumbent on everyone, it is also false and there is no evidence for it in the Qur’an. There is an alleged and disputed hadith that says “marriage is half of religion”,Footnote 2 which is often used to pressure people into marriage in many parts. But classical and early jurists themselves always maintained that while marriage is advantageous it is not a requirement, and in fact many a conservative and highly recognised religious personality are known to have never married .Footnote 3

The Pushback of Society on the Nuptial Agreement: Don’t Be Greedy, Woman!

As for the bridal gift and any special requests or conditions that a bride may want to include in her nuptial agreement to safeguard her rights or interests, it has become a largely neglected mechanism that has almost totally fallen out of use. A bride and her family may feel that the marriage would no longer take place if there were an attempt to utilise this tool to protect the bride, fearing they would cause offence to the groom and his family. And in some societies the culture of the dowry continues to dominate, whereby it is the bride who makes the traditional payment to her new husband or his family.

Patriarchal attitudes have basically turned the Qur’anic means of protecting women after marriage into a targeted accusation of materialism and bad faith. This is a travesty of Qur’anic justice especially in poor or conservative societies where women may have few independent resources or alternative avenues for independent decision-making.

Historical Evidence of Women Exercising Their Nuptial Rights

  • It was interesting to learn that the Prophet had proposed marriage to several women with whom a marriage contract was ultimately not concluded; and that several women had offered themselves as wives to the Prophet directly, reportedly waiving their right to a bridal gift as they “negotiated” their own nuptial agreement.Footnote 4

  • I particularly enjoyed reading about one feisty and articulate Umm Aban , a widow who appears to have been proposed to at one time or another by both Omar and Ali (among others)—only to turn them down and eventually go for Talha , one of the Prophet’s other Companions :

Omar proposed to Um Aban…after her husband, Yazid bin Abi Sufyan, died, and she said, ‘He does not enter but scowling and he does not leave but scowling; he closes the doors and minimizes his bounty.’ Then Zubair proposed to her, and she said, ‘He has one hand on my temples and one hand on the whip.’ Then Ali proposed to her, and she said, ‘Women get no luck from him except that he sits among their four parts; they do not get anything else from him.’ Then Talha proposed to her, and she was responsive and he married her. So Ali …visited her and said, ‘You rejected whom you rejected, and you accepted the son of the daughter of a …[southern Arab]!’ She said, ‘Decree and destiny.’ He said, ‘Now then, truly you have married he among us who is most beautiful of face, most generous of hand, and the greatest in bounty to his family.Footnote 5

And in another version, which also shows that mingling between men and women had been considered natural in the Prophet’s day and that women were empowered to decide on proposals for themselves:

Then Talha proposed to her…she said, ‘I am well aware of his dispositions. When he enters, he enters laughing, and when he leaves, he leaves smiling. When I ask, he gives; when I am silent, he initiates; when I work , he thanks; and when I do wrong, he forgives.’ So after he had dwelled with her, Ali said, …‘Peace be unto you, oh woman dear to herself.’ She said, ‘And unto you peace.’ He said, ‘The Commander of the Faithful [Omar ] proposed to you and you rejected him?’ She said, ‘It was so.’ He said, ‘And I proposed to you and you rejected me although I am from the Messenger of God? [i.e. of the Prophet’s household]” She said, ‘It was so.’Footnote 6

  • And as previously mentioned in Part II, when Omar as caliph attempted to cap the amount of the bridal gift in his time, a woman rose up and interrupted him while he was addressing the congregation from the pulpit, challenging his right to take away from women what the Qur’an had granted them as a nuptial right. The noble Omar conceded he had been mistaken, withdrawing his proposal.Footnote 7

  • As importantly, when a woman named Khansa complained to the Prophet that her father had forced her to marry someone against her wishes, he annulled her marriage.Footnote 8

  • Nor could the Prophet’s own intercession in favour of a marriage outweigh a woman’s right to choose her own destiny:

… there was a woman named Barira who was married to a man who loved her madly, named Mughith. But Barira did not love Mughith and divorced him. Mughith would follow Barira around crying—with his tears flowing down his beard. The Prophet felt sorry for the love-struck fellow and asked Barira if she would take him back. Barira asked the Prophet if this was a Divine command, and the Prophet said no, it was simply a personal appeal. Consequently, Barira refused to take Mughith back.Footnote 9

  • Finally, though the pre-Qur’anic custom of women marrying through a male guardian or appointed male representative persisted despite the absence of a religious mandate for it, it is notable that the Hanafi school of (Sunni) jurisprudence has always maintained that no guardian is necessary, and a woman can execute her own nuptials in a Hanafi court.Footnote 10