Working with people experiencing bereavement

Abstract

Pain is inevitable in such a case and cannot be avoided. It stems from the awareness of both parties that neither can give the other what he wants. The helper cannot bring back the person who is dead and the bereaved person cannot gratify the helper by feeling helped. No wonder both seem dissatisfied with the encounter. (Murray-Parkes, 1976)

Raymond’s face contorted into a painful but controlled grimace, as he forced inside him the emotions he was violently wishing to suppress. He reached out for the chair arm and sat down, as if his legs could no longer bear his weight. His head bent forward and his hands seemed to come up only just in time to catch it. Colour began to return to his knuckles, which until now had been almost continually clenched. The charge nurse repeated his statement as if he were unsure that he had been heard: ‘I’m very sorry, there was nothing we could do, your father was already dead when the ambulance arrived in casualty.’ There was something similar to panic and confusion inside Raymond’s head — he felt so many emotions he had not realized it was possible to feel at the same time. He felt like shouting angrily, but there seemed no point; he felt like crying, but what would that achieve?