Introduction

Having an intimate partner offers several advantages, including a more satisfactory sexual life, emotional support, and experiencing positive emotions like love and happiness (Apostolou, 2022; Apostolou et al., 2019; Buss, 2016). However, intimate relationships are not only characterized by advantages, as evidenced by the relatively high rates of domestic violence, voluntary singlehood, and divorce (Buss, 2021; Klinenberg, 2012; Raley & Sweeney, 2020). The present research aims to identify what people perceive as disadvantageous in being in an intimate relationship within the Greek cultural context.

The Disadvantages of Intimate Relationships

The evolutionary theoretical framework suggests that behavioral adaptations have been shaped by selection forces to increase ancestral individuals' fitness that is, promoting the representation of their genes in future generations (Alcock, 2001). It needs to be said that selection forces have shaped adaptations in a manner that would have increased fitness success in the ancestral past. Yet, this does not necessarily mean that they are equally effective in increasing fitness in contemporary environments (see Li et al., 2018). Intimate relationships could have significantly enhanced fitness by facilitating child-rearing, providing support, and sharing expenses (Apostolou, 2022; Buss, 2016). Consequently, genetically unrelated individuals of opposite sex are predisposed to form intimate relationships, which explains the prevalence of lasting relationships and marriage (Coontz, 2005; Fisher, 2017). Nevertheless, intimate relationships were not without drawbacks, as some of their aspects may have decreased ancestral individuals' fitness, leading them to perceive these aspects as disadvantages.

Conflicts and Fights

The root of the fitness-decreasing aspect in intimate relationships lies in the non-overlapping interests that arise from the genetic dissimilarity of the two parties involved (Parker, 2006). Specifically, when individuals act to pursue their own reproductive strategy, doing so may not necessarily satisfy their partner's, and in some cases, it could even oppose their partner's reproductive strategy (Buss, 1989; Parker, 2006). For example, consider individuals who engage in extra-pair relationships, diverting resources from their legitimate partners to their illegitimate ones. Such selfish behavior, aimed at pursuing one's own reproductive strategy at the expense of their partner's, can trigger adverse reactions in the latter, leading them to take action to prevent it. For instance, when individuals spend considerable time away from their partners (e.g., being with friends or advancing their careers), their partners may react by issuing threats or consequences to encourage more investment in the relationship. Yet, individuals are not easily willing to relinquish their freedom to act in ways that satisfy their reproductive strategies. Generally, conflicting interests between partners can lead to fights and tensions that can compromise the fitness of both parties, as they render the relationship fragile, cause emotional and physical harm, and divert attention from building a family to resolving disputes (Buss, 2000, 2021). In effect, people would view fights and tensions as negative aspects of being in an intimate relationship.

Compromises

As discussed earlier, engaging in selfish behavior puts strain on the relationship and can lead to its dissolution. For instance, across various cultures and historical periods, infidelity has been a common reason for divorce (Amato & Previti, 2003; Betzig, 1989). Accordingly, in order to maintain an intimate relationship, individuals must make compromises that involve sacrificing some of their personal freedom to prioritize the well-being of their partner. This may include being monogamous, spending more time with their partner, and doing things to satisfy their partner's needs and desires. Nonetheless, such compromises come with fitness costs, as individuals have to forgo certain actions that could potentially have a positive impact on their own reproductive success. Hence, making compromises would be perceived as a significant disadvantage of being in an intimate relationship.

Emotional Burden

Conflicting interests between partners give rise to selection pressures favoring the evolution of mechanisms that enable each party to protect its fitness by preventing the other from engaging in behaviors that could harm it. Emotions, such as romantic jealousy, anger, and anxiety, serve as examples of these mechanisms (Nesse, 2019; Tooby & Cosmides, 2008). These emotions are triggered to prevent a partner from behaving selfishly. For instance, if one partner wants to attend a party alone, it may create opportunities for cheating. In response, feelings of jealousy and anger would arise in the other partner, prompting them to either prevent the party attendance or insist on accompanying them. Emotions not only have a preemptive function but also trigger when a partner actually behaves selfishly. For instance, if one partner spends excessive time away from home, it would trigger feelings of unhappiness and anger in the other partner, leading them to demand more time together.

Furthermore, certain emotions were likely favored by selection to promote fitness by motivating the termination of fitness-decreasing relationships (Buss, 2000). Individuals may find themselves in a relationship that does not satisfy their reproductive strategy, such as being with an abusive or unfaithful partner, or someone with a lower mate value or no interest in having children. In such cases, negative emotions like unhappiness, disappointment, and repulsion would be triggered, motivating individuals to terminate the relationship in order to avoid experiencing these negative emotions. These emotional responses have a protective effect, making people more selective in their future relationships to avoid similar negative experiences.

Overall, the frequent conflicting interests in intimate relationships have favored the evolution of emotions as mechanisms to safeguard one's fitness. These mechanisms often involve negative emotions that prompt corrective action, suggesting that intimate relationships can potentially carry a heavy emotional burden, which individuals would perceive as a disadvantage of being in such a relationship.

We have argued that people may interpret certain aspects of intimate relationships, such as having to make compromises, as disadvantages. Nevertheless, negative emotions like jealousy, disappointment, and anger may play a role in attaining one's reproductive goals, by prompting corrective action, such as terminating a costly relationship. This is not contradictory to our argument, as negative emotions are triggered by fitness-decreasing aspects of intimate relationships, such as feeling angry due to a loss of personal freedom.

Sex Differences

Certain aspects of intimate relationships may have impacted the fitness of ancestral men and women differently. For instance, since men do not experience the burden of pregnancy, their reproductive success would have been positively linked to the number of women they had sexual access to (Buss & Schmitt, 1993). This suggests that monogamy might result in a more significant fitness loss for men compared to women. Consequently, we predict that men will perceive monogamy as a more negative aspect of being in an intimate relationship than women. Additionally, since having access to multiple mates is likely to have provided more fitness benefits for men than for women, men are more inclined to form extra-pair relationships (Fincham & May, 2017; Haseli et al., 2019). Consequently, a partner's infidelity would be a more significant disadvantage for women than for men. Furthermore, due to the fact that men generally possess greater physical strength and aggression compared to women (Puts, 2010), they may attempt control their partners through physical force (Buss, 2000, 2021), causing them physical and psychological harm. As a result, we predict that women will consider the risk of physical abuse from their partners to be a greater disadvantage than men.

The Current Study

While tensions and conflicts are common in intimate relationships and divorce rates are on the rise (Gottman & Levenson, 2000) surprisingly, to the best of our knowledge, there has been no study to date that specifically examines what individuals perceive as disadvantages of being in an intimate relationship. This gap led us to conduct the current research with the aim of identifying the various potential disadvantages of being in an intimate relationship. Building on the evolutionary theoretical framework discussed earlier, we anticipated that three main domains of relationship disadvantages would emerge, namely fights and tensions, compromises, and emotional burden. However, considering the complexity of the subject, our study was designed to be explorative.

To obtain a comprehensive list of the different disadvantages, we adopted a mixed-methods approach. In particular, Study 1 utilized qualitative research methods to identify diverse disadvantages of intimate relationships, while Study 2 employed quantitative research methods to categorize these disadvantages into broader factors and domains. Additionally, Study 2 aimed to explore potential age, relationship status, and sex differences in perceptions of these disadvantages. Regarding sex differences, we hypothesized that men would view monogamy as a more significant disadvantage compared to women. Conversely, women were predicted to consider infidelity and physical abuse as more critical disadvantages of intimate relationships than men. On the other hand, for age and relationship status differences, we did not have specific directional predictions.

Study 1

Methods

Participants

The research was designed and conducted at a private university located in the Republic of Cyprus, and it received ethics approval from the institution's ethics review board. To recruit participants, we promoted the study's link on various social media platforms (Facebook, Instagram, X) and also forwarded it to students, requesting them to share it with their network of friends and relatives. The only eligibility criterion for participation was being at least 18 years old. To enhance validity, we excluded the responses of five participants who indicated that they were currently single and had no prior experience in an intimate relationship.

In total, we analyzed data from a sample of 202 Greek-speaking participants (108 women, 94 men). The mean age of women was 33.1 (SD = 8.9) years, and the mean age of men was 37.2 (SD = 10.1) years. Additionally, 58.2% of the participants reported being in an intimate relationship, 39.4% were not in an intimate relationship, and 2.4% indicated their relationship status as 'other.'

Materials

The study was conducted online in Greek and was designed using Google Forms. The questionnaire consisted of two parts. In the first part, participants were asked to indicate as many disadvantages of being in an intimate relationship as they could, and they were provided with space to record their answers. In the second part, demographic information was collected, including sex, age, and relationship status (currently not in an intimate relationship, currently in an intimate relationship, 'other'). Additionally, participants were asked whether they had been in an intimate relationship before (Yes/No).

Analysis and Results

In order to analyze the data, the following procedure was employed: Two post-graduate students, a man and a woman, were recruited and independently processed the data. Each student was tasked with reviewing participants' responses and compiling a list of disadvantages of being in an intimate relationship. When a novel disadvantage was identified, it was added to the list. Responses with confusing wording were eliminated, and in cases where multiple disadvantages were very similar, only one was retained. After processing approximately 30% of the responses, the assistants discussed their findings with each other and one of the authors. Subsequently, they proceeded to process the remaining responses. Once the analysis was completed, the assistants compared their respective lists and, with feedback from one of the authors, agreed on a final list of disadvantages. In total, 94 disadvantages were identified and are listed in Table 1 and in the Appendix. Note that these items are translations of the items that were presented to participants in Greek. The original items are summarized in the Supplementary material.

Study 2

Methods

Participants

Participants were recruited using the same procedure as in Study 1. The only requirement for participation was to be at least 18 years old. To enhance validity, we excluded the responses of 16 participants who indicated that they were currently single and had not been in an intimate relationship before. The final sample for our analysis consisted of 525 Greek-speaking participants (318 women, 205 men, and two participants who did not indicate their sex). The mean age of women was 31.4 (SD = 10.7) years, and the mean age of men was 35.1 (SD = 12.2) years. Additionally, 49.1% of the participants indicated that they were in an intimate relationship, 45.5% reported not being in an intimate relationship, and 5.4% indicated their relationship status as 'other.'

Materials

The study was conducted online in Greek, designed using Google Forms, and comprised two parts. In the first part, participants were presented with the following scenario: "Below are some possible disadvantages of being in a romantic relationship. Rate how important each one would be to you in the scenario where you are in a romantic relationship." Subsequently, participants were provided with the 94 disadvantages identified in Study 1 and asked to rate them in a five-point Likert scale: 1- Not at all important, 5 - Very important. In the second part, demographic information was collected, including sex, age, and relationship status (currently not in an intimate relationship, currently in an intimate relationship, 'other'). Additionally, participants were asked to indicate if they had been in an intimate relationship before (Yes/No).

Data Analysis

In order to classify the 94 disadvantages into broader categories, we utilized exploratory factor analysis, employing the principal axis factoring for factor extraction and the direct oblimin as the rotation method. To determine the number of factors to retain, we followed the Keiser criterion, retaining all factors with an eigenvalue greater than one. Furthermore, to decide how many items to retain in each factor, we used the .30 cutoff point. Additionally, to identify significant effects, we conducted a series of MANCOVA tests, with each identified factor as the dependent variable. Participants' age was entered as the continuous independent variable, while participants' sex and relationship status were entered as categorical independent variables.

Results

Factor Structure

Initial factor analysis indicated that several items had factor loadings below the .30 cutoff point. To address this issue, we conducted a revised analysis by excluding the item with the lowest factor loading and repeated the procedure until a factor solution emerged where all items had loadings of at least .30. In total, 14 items were removed, and they are summarized in Appendix. The remaining 80 items were subsequently classified into 11 factors or major disadvantages (Table 1). The internal consistency, measured by Cronbach's alpha, ranged from .77 to .94.

The first factor to emerge was "Less freedom", where participants indicated that less independence, having to report their whereabouts and actions to their partners, and having limited free time were important disadvantages of being in an intimate relationship. This factor also included not having enough time to spend with friends and finding it difficult to have friends of the opposite sex. The next factor was "Make compromises," in which participants viewed making compromises, concessions, and sacrifices as disadvantages of intimate relationships.

Participants also indicated that a negative aspect of intimate relationships was the "Emotional cost," which included the triggering of negative emotions when the relationship is not going well or when it ends. In the "Fights and tensions" factor, participants identified disagreements, fights, tensions, and nagging as negative aspects of intimate relationships.

Furthermore, "Routine," with sex becoming routine and losing sexual interest in one's partner, was identified as another disadvantage of being in an intimate relationship. "Abusive behaviors," including physical violence and psychological abuse from one's partner, emerged as another possible disadvantage. In the "Fear of cheating" factor, participants indicated that worrying about one's partner being unfaithful was an issue in intimate relationships. One facet of this factor was worrying that the intimate relationship would end.

"Economic dependency" was identified as a factor where individuals perceived the possible disadvantage of acquiring economic dependency on their partners or vice versa. In the "Obligatory monogamy" factor, participants considered being faithful to their partner and missing opportunities for flirting and having sex with others as disadvantages. One facet of this factor was participants having to stop communicating with ex-partners. The "Less focus on career" factor indicated that being in an intimate relationship might constrain individuals from prioritizing their careers or studies and restrict their freedom of choice in career matters. Finally, participants expressed that one possible disadvantage of being in an intimate relationship was worrying about their partners' health or the possibility of something bad happening to them.

Mean Scores and Significant Effects

To determine the relative importance of identified major disadvantages, we calculated their means and organized them in a hierarchical order in Table 2. At the top of the hierarchy was "Abusive behaviors," followed by "Fights and tensions," and "Emotional costs." Conversely, at the bottom were "Obligatory monogamy," "Make compromises," and "Worry about partner's health." To assess the impact of sex, age, and relationship status, we conducted 11 MANCOVA tests. To address the issue of alpha inflation, we applied Bonferroni correction with a significance level set at .004 (.05/11). Any effect above this threshold was not considered significant.

From Table 2, we can see that, except for "Obligatory monogamy" and "Make compromises," women gave higher scores than men for the remaining disadvantages. However, this difference was significant only for "Abusive behaviors," "Economic dependency," and "Less freedom." Age showed significance in three instances, with the most substantial effect observed for the "Make compromises" disadvantage, where older participants rated it as more important than younger participants. Additionally, relationship status displayed significance in four cases. Post-hoc testing with Bonferroni correction revealed that single participants assigned significantly higher mean scores than mated participants. One exception was "Obligatory monogamy," where there was no significant difference between single and mated participants, but a significant difference between single participants and those indicating "other," with the latter giving lower scores than the former.

Domain Structure

In order to classify the identified factors into broader domains, we conducted a second-order factor analysis. Specifically, we performed exploratory factor analysis using principal axis factoring for factor extraction and direct oblimin for rotation on the eleven variables representing the mean scores of the identified factors. Based on the Keiser criterion, three domains or primary disadvantages were identified.

From Table 3, we can see that the first domain to emerge was "Conflicts and fights," which included factors such as "Fights and tensions," "Abusive behaviors," and "Reduced focus on career." The second domain was "Compromises," where the "Obligatory monogamy" and "Make compromises" factors loaded. Some cross-loadings were also observed, particularly with "Less freedom" (.490) and "Routine" (.373) factors loading in this domain as well. The third domain was "Emotional burden," with the "Emotional cost" and "Worry about partner's health" factors loading. Τhe "Fear of cheating" factor also loaded in this domain (.450).

The "Conflicts and fights" domain, with a mean score of 3.64 (SD = 0.82), was considered the most important, followed by the "Emotional burden" with a mean score of 3.20 (SD = 0.92), and the "Compromises" with a mean score of 2.43 (SD = 0.84). Additionally, we estimated the percentage of participants who gave a mean score above three in each domain. This percentage indicates how many participants considered each domain important. For the "Conflicts and fights," the percentage was 81.1, for the "Emotional burden," it was 75.8, and for the "Compromises" domain, it was 44.3.

Discussion

Using a mixed-methods approach, we identified 94 potential disadvantages of being in an intimate relationship, which we classified into 11 broad factors or major disadvantages and three overarching domains or primary disadvantages. Participants ranked "Conflicts" as the most important primary disadvantage, comprising factors such as fights, tensions, less freedom, and abusive behaviors. The "Emotional burden," encompassing emotional costs and worries about partners' health, was rated as the second most important primary disadvantage. Additionally, the "Compromises" primary disadvantage, including factors like obligatory monogamy and making compromises, was ranked third. Women indicated that abusive behaviors, economic dependency, and less freedom were more critical major disadvantages compared to men. Furthermore, older participants considered making compromises a more important major disadvantage than younger participants. Single participants also rated several major disadvantages higher than those in an intimate relationship.

Consistent with our initial predictions, the "Fights and conflicts" primary disadvantage emerged as a prominent aspect of being in an intimate relationship, with participants highlighting frequent conflicts, tensions, and instances of physical and psychological abuse from partners. The factors contributing to this domain included disagreements over career choices, freedom in the relationship, sexual routine, and fears of infidelity. This disadvantage ranked first in the hierarchy, with over 80% of participants considering it significant. Moreover, as predicted, the "Emotional burden" was identified as a primary disadvantage. Participants expressed fears of experiencing strong negative emotions if the relationship did not go well or if it was to end. Worrying about a partner's faithfulness also contributed to this domain, adding to the emotional burden. The "Emotional burden" ranked second in the hierarchy, with over 75% of participants reporting it as important. Furthermore, in line with our predictions, the "Compromises" primary disadvantage emerged, with participants indicating having to make compromises as an important disadvantage of being in an intimate relationship. These compromises included abstaining from sexual involvement with other individuals and relinquishing certain freedoms in the relationship, as exemplified by the cross-loading of the "Less freedom" and "Routine" factors. This disadvantage was ranked third in importance.

The three identified domains or disadvantages of being in an intimate relationship are not independent. For instance, one likely scenario is that emotional mechanisms generate negative emotions to motivate one’s partner to behave less selfishly, which can lead to conflicts and fights. In turn, individuals may make compromises to avoid these conflicts. Future studies should explore the interconnections among the identified factors to better understand relationship processes.

Our prediction that men would consider monogamy a more important disadvantage than women was not supported, as there was no significant effect of sex on this factor. Yet, the mean difference was in the predicted direction, suggesting that more replication work is needed to establish if there is a sex difference in this dimension. Similarly, our prediction that women would consider possible infidelity a more important disadvantage was not supported. One reason could be that while women may be less prone to infidelity, its potential consequences for men, such as raising other men's children, may trigger considerable concern about their partners' faithfulness. We also need to say that a wealth of research shows that while men are more threatened than women by sexual infidelity, women are more threatened than men by emotional infidelity (Buss, 2018). Yet, the items included in this factor did not specify sexual or emotional infidelity. On the other hand, our prediction that women would consider abusive behaviors a more important disadvantage than men was supported. Additionally, women rated less freedom as a more important disadvantage than men, which could be related to the risk of cuckoldry discussed earlier, where men tend to chaperone their partners, leading to a loss of freedom for the latter. Future studies should investigate the underlying causes of these sex differences.

We observed a moderate to large effect of age on the "Make compromises" major disadvantage, with older participants considering it a more important disadvantage than younger participants. This could be due to older individuals becoming less flexible in making changes in their lives, turning it challenging for them to make the compromises required in a relationship. Consequently, older individuals may be more likely to opt out of intimate relationships, as they may be unwilling to make the necessary compromises. Alternatively, it could be the case that older individuals are less likely to opt out of intimate relationships because the costs are higher (e.g., they may be less likely to find a replacement later in life). Or, they may be more likely to have children already, so they make compromises and remain in their current relationship for the sake of their children. Consequently, they might see making compromises as a bigger disadvantage because they may be less likely to leave a relationship when compromises are needed, and thus, the burden of compromise is much greater on them. Additionally, we found significant effects of relationship status on several factors, with single participants rating them as more disadvantageous than those in relationships. One possible explanation for this effect is that individuals who perceive intimate relationships as having considerable disadvantages may be less inclined to pursue them, leading to a higher likelihood of remaining single.

In deciding whether to enter into an intimate relationship, most likely people make some form of cost-benefit analysis. That is, they weigh the pros and cons of being mated. To understand this process, we need to know first what people consider advantageous and disadvantageous in being in an intimate relationship. One recent study employed a mixed-methods approach in a Greek-speaking population, attempting to investigate what people perceive as beneficial in being in a relationship (Apostolou et al., 2023). They identified two primary benefits, namely intrinsic and extrinsic. Intrinsic benefits involved experiencing love and passion, positive emotions, sexual satisfaction, receiving support, not being alone, and giving and receiving care. Extrinsic benefits included enjoying higher social acceptance, sharing expenses, safer sex, and having stability in one’s life. In the current research, we have identified three primary disadvantages, namely conflicts and fights, compromises, and emotional burden. Thus, we can reasonably argue that people’s mental calculations or cost-benefit analysis would mainly involve the advantages previous research has identified, and the disadvantages the current research has identified.

For people to decide to enter or keep an intimate relationship, they need to perceive the benefits as exceeding the costs that arise from it. These perceptions would be predicted by several factors, including personality – for instance, people may have personality traits such as being inflexible and demanding that augment the costs of a relationship (e.g., make fights and tensions frequent). Previous relationship experiences may also play a role. For instance, having good experiences from previous relationships may enable people to exaggerate the benefits and downplay the costs of being in one. Future studies need to integrate the results of the current and previous research in order to examine how people assess the costs and benefits of being in a relationship, and to identify the factors that predict this decision-making process.

One limitation of the current research is that it employed self-report instruments, which are subject to various biases, such as participants providing inaccurate answers. Additionally, the study used non-probability samples, which may limit the generalizability of our findings to the broader population (but see Coppock et al., 2018). Furthermore, we asked participants to indicate how important they considered each disadvantage. This could have been confusing for some. For instance, for items like ‘Commitment’ or ‘Monogamy’, some participants may have misunderstood the instructions and rated how important commitment and monogamy are in a relationship, rather than how important of a disadvantage remaining committed or monogamous is. Also, the study was confined to the Greek cultural context, and its findings may not readily apply to other cultural contexts. Future cross-cultural research could explore how cultural factors might influence the perceived disadvantages of being in an intimate relationship. Furthermore, there was considerable variation around the mean scores for all factors and domains, indicating that different individuals perceive the identified disadvantages differently. This variation is partly explained by differences in sex, age, and relationship status, but there are likely many more factors, such as personality traits, contributing to this variation that the current study did not examine. In addition, while explorative factor analysis was employed to identify the structure of the disadvantages of being in an intimate relationship, further replication studies using confirmatory factor analysis are needed to increase our confidence in this structure.

Intimate relationships do not always have a bright side. The current research has identified three primary perceived disadvantages of being in an intimate relationship: conflicts and fights, compromises, and emotional burdens. It has also revealed differences in how these disadvantages are rated based on sex, age, and relationship status. Yet, understanding the complexities of these relationships requires further empirical and theoretical work to fully comprehend the darker aspects of intimate partnerships.