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Bonds of Silence: Parents and Children Cope with Dissonant Levels of Religiosity

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Abstract

Loving parents characterized by a strong religious orientation may feel ambivalence when their children completely reject their religious identity. The parents might find it difficult to accommodate to their children’s different identity, but at the same time, not want to drive their children away. We examine how this potential conflict situation is managed by focusing on Jews in Israel who take on a nonreligious identity after having been brought up by parents who were religiously observant. Our study is based on personal interviews with 20 religious (Orthodox) Jewish parents and 13 children who are no longer religious (representing a total of 18 households). Our findings emphasize the importance of silencing and self-silencing in managing conflict, as the sides are careful to refrain from making demands that might lead to a break in their relationships. Children often cover or mask their non-religious behavior in the presence of their parents, in order to help them maintain face and avoid embarrassment and shame.

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Acknowledgments

The authors gratefully acknowledge the comments of Orly Benjamin, Adam Ferziger, Dana Selinger-Abutbul, Theodore Sasson, Orna Sasson-Levy, and Chaim I. Waxman, as well as the anonymous readers and the editor of this journal in the preparation of this manuscript. Our deep gratitude is offered to the participants of this study for their willingness to break their silence and share with us their experiences and feelings.

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Authors and Affiliations

  1. Department of Sociology and Anthropology, Bar Ilan University, 52900, Ramat Gan, Israel

    Ephraim Tabory

  2. Program in Conflict Management and Negotiation, Bar Ilan University, Ramat Gan, Israel

    Ephraim Tabory & Shlomit Hazan-Stern

Authors
  1. Ephraim Tabory
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  2. Shlomit Hazan-Stern
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Correspondence to Ephraim Tabory.

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We dedicate this article to the memory of Bernard Lazerwitz, one of the pioneers and leading researchers of the study of American Jewry.

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Tabory, E., Hazan-Stern, S. Bonds of Silence: Parents and Children Cope with Dissonant Levels of Religiosity. Cont Jewry 33, 171–192 (2013). https://doi.org/10.1007/s12397-013-9107-5

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  • DOI: https://doi.org/10.1007/s12397-013-9107-5

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