Abstract
Drawing from a group of older and middle-aged (50 years above) women and men who have re-partnered (includes both marriage and cohabitation) through the assistance of a marriage bureau based in the city of Ahmedabad (Gujarat, India), we examine the sociological notions of relatedness and the “practices” of family and intimacy. We ask whether this “non-normative” process of becoming kin in the post-reproductive lives of these participants, holds promise for a democratization of the private sphere as noted by Giddens (1992) where the social process of relatedness is privileged over its biological/procreational forms. In the process, we examine how our study participants tend to organize their newly established relationships through contradictory tensions of negotiations, commitment, social obligation and personal autonomy. In-depth interviews conducted in a dyadic format revealed gendered expressions of personhood, intimacy and sociality. For example, men expected their relationship to bring in nostalgic ideals of domesticity, whereas women associated re-partnering with increased social status, kinship support and economic security underscoring the expected social benefits associated with caste-endogamous idealized heterosexual unions. Significantly, caste relations were instrumental in determining partner preferences and relationship formation with family members among older couples. We show that despite being circumscribed by conventional social scripts, women in these relationships use their (post-reproductive) age to an emancipatory advantage by bargaining with patriarchal compulsions of verilocality and lack of say in partner decisions. In a context where cultural norms prescribe a social pathology of asexuality and familial dependence in later life, this new form of relatedness offers an uplifting narrative of self-disclosure and intimacy, although ultimately reproducing social, economic and symbolic hierarchies of gender and generation.
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Notes
The recent being the Bollywood (Hindi Film Industry) star, Anushka Sharma and Indian skipper, Virat Kohli’s marriage that involved breathless reporting by a celebrity-obsessed media and its growing incursion into the private aspects of public life of celebrities. Titles such as “Anushka Sharma, Virat Kohli marriage: What is Viruksha net worth?” (Financial Express, Dec 12, 2017) or “‘Bound in love forever’: Virat Kohli, Anushka Sharma’s first wedding message” (Zee News, Dec 11, 2017) are illustrative of this frenzied phenomenon capturing public imaginations of romance around celebrity cojugations.
See for example media reports that are celebratory such as the “Friends and lovers” (The Indian Express, Dec 25, 2016) or “No cumbersome divorce proceedings, people of Ahmedabad opt for maitri karar contract” (India Today, Oct 24, 2013) to the ones those are disapproving, “Maitri Karar: Gujarati social custom of keeping mistresses by circumventing Hindu Marriage Act” (Patheos, Jan 3, 2013).
See, “Why 67 year old Natubhai helps senior citizens fight social stigma and find life partners”, The Better India, July 11 (2016). Accessed at: https://www.thebetterindia.com/61289/natubhai-patel-ahmedabad-senior-citizens-matchmaking/ . Mr. Patel also appeared on the celebrity (Amir Khan) show on touching “social issues”, Satyamev Jayate (Episode 11, Sunset Years, Sunshine Life) where he spoke about his motivation and work. Accessed at: http://www.satyamevjayate.in/old-age/vina-mulya-amulya-sewa.aspx
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Acknowledgements
Previous version of this paper was presented at the international conference on “Examining the Processual in Kinship and Family in South Asia”, Feb 1-2, Department of Liberal Arts, IIT-Hyderabad, India. The authors are thankful to Prof. Ravinder Kaur (IIT Delhi) and Dr. Shalini Grover for their valuable feedback and critical suggestions during this conference.
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Samanta, T., Varghese, S.S. Love in the Time of Aging: Sociological Reflections on Marriage, Gender and Intimacy in India. Ageing Int 44, 57–73 (2019). https://doi.org/10.1007/s12126-018-9332-z
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DOI: https://doi.org/10.1007/s12126-018-9332-z