Abstract
Research about children of LGBTQ parent(s) tends to be politically interested and evaluative, assessing the degree to which children with LGBTQ parent(s) are being raised well. As a consequence, much of that research glosses over the distinct experiences of children with LGBTQ parent(s) and how they tell their own stories. This article attends to that shortcoming by detailing how some children with LGBTQ parent(s) construct their identities. We draw upon data from interviews with 26 adult-children, specifically young, white women who were born to, or adopted by, heterosexual parent(s) who later divorced and began living as LGBTQ. We analyze the children’s interviews as coming out narratives, detailing how many tell a story of coming out as a process of growing up and negotiating specific family closets. We then discuss how these are gendered and racialized narratives of coming out, reflecting the way racism and sexism intersect with homophobia and the stories told about experiencing it. We also suggest that these are stories of a particular generation of adult-children, reflecting specific families and the homophobia of the times. We end by suggesting how future generations of adult-children with LGBTQ parent(s) will likely narrate their identities differently.
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Notes
In this article, we use the language that many children with lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and/or queer parent(s) use for themselves. Most noticeable is our use of the abbreviation LGBTQ for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and/or queer. We also use the term “parent(s)” to indicate that children-of-LGBTQ-parent(s) may have one parent or more than one parent who identify as LGBTQ…
We recognize that using the phrase “kids of (now) LGBTQ parent(s)” to describe this generation of kids (the generation born to, or adopted by, heterosexual parents, one or both, who later began to live as LGBTQ, often after divorce) is not the best way to phrase things. However, we use this phrase because it is one way to be clear about the generation of kids/parents about which we are speaking. While we could use the phrase, “kids of (divorced) LGBTQ parents,” implying a past of heterosexual divorce, we do not use it here because some participants have parents who are not divorced. Additionally, we feel the phrase could also imply that LGBTQ parents are divorced (e.g. a child with two moms who are no longer together).
Seidman uses the term “gay” as an umbrella term for those who live as gay men, lesbians, or queer. We use the same term as we reference his work.
COLAGE’s mission is to “To engage, connect, and empower people to make the world a better place for children of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and/or transgender parents and families.” (http://www.colage.org/). COLAGE is the only national or international organization specifically supporting children, youth and adults with LGBTQ parent(s). They offer a diverse array of support, education and advocacy by and for folks with LGBTQ parents. COLAGE receives the majority of its funding from small contributions of its members, and the support of its parent organization, the Family Pride Coalition (http://www.familypride.org). Together, these two organizations have created a scholarship fund for students and for 11 years have hosted an annual family week in Provincetown, MA, where over 400 families participate in fun and educational events each summer. In addition, both organizations sponsor local chapters which currently are limited but growing. Most importantly, COLAGE provides a space in the world for children of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer parent(s) to connect with others like them and to understand themselves. COLAGE is based in San Francisco and has weekly programs and activities for those in the area. Importantly, while one-third of its 2,000+ members live in the San Francisco area, the other two-thirds live across the U.S. and around the world, accessing COLAGE through the Internet (http://www.colage.org) via its mailing lists. For more information about this study and COLAGE, see (Broad and Joos 2004).
Of those who participated in this research, 15 of 26 identify as “straight” or “heterosexual.” For the purpose of this paper, focusing on the family closets of children of LGBTQ parent(s) we consider the sexual orientation of the adult children to be immaterial. Our point here is that these are the stories about adult children coming out about their parent's sexuality, their “family closets,” but they are not the stories of their own sexuality. Other works, such as (see Johnson and O’Connor 2002; Stacey and Biblarz 2001; Golombok and Tasker 1996; Patterson 1995; Laird 1993) further investigate the issue of the sexual orientation of children of LGBTQ parent(s).
Notably, we are not able to detail the everyday processes by which collective identity and political generation were constructed by these participants with this work, although we do assume that the narratives that characterize the material of this article are part of that process.
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Acknowledgments
We are grateful for the generous and helpful participation by members of COLAGE, from the initial stages of the pilot study through the final review of the manuscript before publication. This article would not exist if it were not for their participation and insight. We would like to especially acknowledge the insightful and articulate input of Abigail Garner, author of Families Like Mine: Children of Gay Parents Tell It Like It Is, as well as feedback from promising young scholars who also have LGBTQ parent(s): Orson Morrison, Psy.D., Kate Kuvalanka, Ph.D., James Hendrickson, M.S., and others who wish to remain unnamed. The critical and important comments by Javier Auyero and the anonymous reviewers of Qualitative Sociology greatly improved this work. An earlier version of this article was presented at the annual meetings of the Society for the Study of Social Problems in San Francisco, August 13–15, 2004.
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Joos, K.E., Broad, K.L. Coming Out of the Family Closet: Stories of Adult Women with LGBTQ Parent(s). Qual Sociol 30, 275–295 (2007). https://doi.org/10.1007/s11133-007-9064-y
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DOI: https://doi.org/10.1007/s11133-007-9064-y