Abstract
Friendship constitutes a human universal, with people across different times and places forming friendly relationships. Yet, people are selective in whom they befriend. The current research aimed to identify friendship preferences, that is, the traits that people find desirable or undesirable in a friend. More specifically, Study 1 employed open-ended questionnaires and identified 50 traits that participants preferred their friends to have, and 43 traits that they preferred their friends not to have. Study 2 employed a sample of 706 Greek-speaking participants and classified desirable traits into 10 broader factors; the most important one was being honest, followed by being ethical, pleasant, and available. Study 3 employed a sample of 865 Greek-speaking participants and classified undesirable traits into three broader factors. The most undesirable one was being dishonest, followed by being competitive and being impatient. In both studies, women tended to give higher scores than men. In addition, significant age effects were found for most factors in both studies.
Similar content being viewed by others
Availability of Data and Materials
All data are available on request by the first author.
Code Availability
Not applicable.
References
Akan, D., Sevim, O., Yıldırım, I., Çiftçi, M. & Kılıç, M. E. (2021). An analysis of the ideal qualities that unıversıty students look for in their peer. Athens Journal of Education, 8, 1–21. https://doi.org/10.30958/aje.X-Y-Z
Apostolou, M. (2016). Feeling good: An evolutionary perspective on life choices. Rutledge.
Apostolou, M., & Keramari, D. (2021). Why friendships end: An evolutionary examination. Evolutionary Behavioral Sciences. https://doi.org/10.1037/ebs0000269
Apostolou, M., Keramari, D., Kagialis, A., & Sullman, M. (2021). Why people make friends: The nature of friendship. Personal Relationships, 28, 4–18. https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12352
Aronson, E. (1980). The social animal. Palgrave Macmillan.
Ayers, J. D., Krems, J. A., Hess, N., & Aktipis, A. (2022). Mother-in-law daughter-in-law conflict: An evolutionary perspective and report of empirical data from the USA. Evolutionary Psychological Science. https://doi.org/10.1007/s40806-021-00312-x
Bigelow, B. J., & La Gaipa, J. J. (1975). Children’s written descriptions of friendship: A multidimensional analysis. Developmental Psychology, 11, 857–858. https://doi.org/10.1037/0012-1649.11.6.857
Bigelow, B. J., & La Gaipa, J. J. (1980). The development of friendship values and choice. In H. Foot, T. Chapman, & J. Smith (Eds.), Friendship and childhood relations (pp. 15–44). Wiley.
Bleske-Rechek, A. L., & Buss, D. M. (2001). Opposite-sex friendship: Sex differences and similarities in initiation, selection, and dissolution. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 27, 1310–1323. https://doi.org/10.1177/01461672012710007
Bleske-Rechek, A., Joseph, W. E., Williquette, H., & Donovan, B. (2016). Sex differences in young adults’ attraction to opposite-sex friends: Natural sampling versus mental concepts. Evolutionary Psychological Science, 2, 214–219. https://doi.org/10.1007/s40806-016-0056-6
Buss, D. M. (2016). The evolution of desire: Strategies of human mating (4th ed.). Basic Books.
Buss, D. M., & Schmitt, D. P. (2019). Mate preferences and their behavioral manifestations. Annual Review of Psychology, 70, 77–110. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-psych-010418-103408
Cacioppo, J. T., Cacioppo, S., & Boomsma, D. I. (2014). Evolutionary mechanisms for loneliness. Cognition & Emotion, 28, 3–21. https://doi.org/10.1080/02699931.2013.837379
Clark, M. L., & Ayers, M. (1993). Friendship expectations and friendship evaluations: Reciprocity and gender effects. Youth and Society, 24, 299–313. https://doi.org/10.1177/0044118X93024003003
Clark, M. L., & Bittle, M. L. (1992). Friendship expectations and the evaluation of present friendships in middle childhood and early adolescence. Child Study Journal, 22, 115–135.
Delton, A. W., & Robertson, T. E. (2012). The social cognition of social foraging: Partner selection by underlying valuation. Evolution and Human Behavior, 33(6), 715–725. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.evolhumbehav.2012.05.007
Demir, M. (2015). Friendship and happiness: Across the life-span and cultures. Springer.
Desai, A. & Killick, E. (2010). The ways of friendship: Anthropological perspectives. Berghahn Books.
Diener, E. (2008). Happiness: Unpacking the mysteries of psychological wealth. Wiley-Blackwell
Eisenbruch, A., & Roney, J. (2020). Social taste buds: Evidence of evolved same-sex friend preferences from a policy-capturing study. Evolutionary Psychological Science, 6, 195–206. https://doi.org/10.1007/s40806-019-00218-9
Fehr, B. (1996). Friendship processes. Sage.
Fiske, S. T., Cuddy, A. J., & Glick, P. (2007). Universal dimensions of social cognition: Warmth and competence. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 11(2), 77–83. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tics.2006.11.005
Fitzsimons, G. M., & Shah, J. Y. (2008). How goal instrumentality shapes relationship evaluations. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 95(2), 319–337. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.95.2.319
Furman, W., & Bierman, K. L. (1984). Children’s conceptions of friendship: A multimethod study of developmental changes. Developmental Psychology, 20, 925–931. https://doi.org/10.1037/0012-1649.20.5.925
Fuhrman, R. W., Flannagan, D., & Matamoros, M. (2009). Behavior expectations in cross-sex friendships, same-sex friendships, and romantic relationships. Personal Relationships, 16(4), 575–596. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2009.01240.x
Guerrero, L. K., & Andersen, P. A. (1998). The dark side of jealously and envy: Desire, delusion, desperation, and destructive communication. In B. H. Spitzberg & W. R. Cupach (Eds.), The dark side of close relationships (pp. 33–70). Lawrence Erlbaum Associates Publishers.
Hall, J. A. (2012). Friendship standards: The dimensions of ideal expectations. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 29, 884–907. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407512448274
Hamilton, W. D. (1964). The genetical evolution of social behaviour. I and II. Journal of Theoretical Biology, 7, 1–52. https://doi.org/10.1016/0022-5193(64)90038-4
Hrdy, S. B. (2011). Mothers and others: The evolutionary origins of mutual understanding. Harvard University Press.
Hruschka, D. J. (2010). Friendship: Development, ecology, and evolution of a relationship. University of California Press.
Kendrick, D. T., Maner, J. K., & Li, N. P. (2005). Evolutionary social psychology. In D. M. Buss (Ed.), The evolutionary psychology handbook (pp. 803–827). Wiley.
Krems, J. A., & Conroy-Beam, D. (2020). First tests of Euclidean preference integration in friendship: Euclidean friend value and power of choice on the friend market. Evolution and Human Behavior, 41(3), 188–198. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.evolhumbehav.2020.02.003
Kruger, D. J. (2003). Evolution and altruism: Combining psychological mediators with naturally selected tendencies. Evolution and Human Behavior, 24, 118–125. https://doi.org/10.1016/S1090-5138(02)00156-3
Lee, R. B., & Devore, I. (1968). Man the hunter. Aldine.
Lewis, D. M. G., Al-Shawaf, L., Conroy-Beam, D., Asao, K., & Buss, D. M. (2012). Friends with benefits II: Mating activation in opposite-sex friendships as a function of sociosexual orientation and relationship status. Personality and Individual Differences, 53(5), 622–628. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2012.04.040
Lewis, D. M. G., Conroy-Beam, D., Al-Shawaf, L., Raja, A., DeKay, T., & Buss, D. M. (2011). Friends with benefits: The evolved psychology of same- and opposite-sex friendship. Evolutionary Psychology. https://doi.org/10.1177/147470491100900407
Mace, R., & Alvergne, A. (2012). Female reproductive competition within families in rural Gambia. Proceedings. Biological Sciences, 279(1736), 2219–2227. https://doi.org/10.1098/rspb.2011.2424
MacEvoy, J. P., Papadakis, A. A., Fedigan, S. K., & Ash, S. E. (2016). Friendship expectations and children’s friendship-related behavior and adjustment. Merrill-Palmer Quarterly, 62(1), 74–104. https://doi.org/10.13110/merrpalmquar1982.62
McPherson, M., Smith-Lovin, L., & Cook, J. M. (2001). Birds of a feather: Homophily in social networks. Annual Review of Sociology, 27(1), 415–444. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev.soc.27.1.415
Puts, D. A. (2010). Beauty and the beast: Mechanisms of sexual selection in humans. Evolution and Human Behavior, 31, 157–175. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.evolhumbehav.2010.02.005
Roberts-Griffin, C. P. (2011). What is a good friend: A qualitative analysis of desired friendship qualities. Penn McNair Research Journal, 3. Retrieved from https://repository.upenn.edu/mcnair_scholars/vol3/iss1/5
Rose, S. M. (1984). How friendships end: Patterns among young adults. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 1, 267–277. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407584013001
Seyfarth, R. M., & Cheney, D. L. (2012). The evolutionary origins of friendship. Annual Review of Psychology, 63, 153–177. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-psych-120710-100337
Sias, P. M., Heath, R. G., Perry, T., Silva, D., & Fix, B. (2004). Narratives of workplace friendship deterioration. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 21, 321–340. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407504042835
Slotter, E. B., & Gardner, W. L. (2011). Can you help me become the “me” I want to be? The role of goal pursuit in friendship formation. Self and Identity, 10(2), 231–247. https://doi.org/10.1080/15298868.2010.482767
Sprecher, S., & Regan, P. C. (2002). Liking some things (in some people) more than others: Partner preferences in romantic relationships and friendships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 19(4), 463–481. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407502019004048
Terrell, J. E. (2014). A talent for friendship: Rediscovery of a remarkable trait. Oxford University Press.
Tooby, J., & Cosmides, L. (1996). Friendship and the banker’s paradox: Other pathways to the evolution of adaptations for altruism. In W. G. Runciman, J. M. Smith, & R. I. M. Dunbar (Eds.), Evolution of social behaviour patterns in primates and man (pp. 119–143). Oxford University Press.
Tooby, J., & Cosmides, L. (2008). The evolutionary psychology of the emotions and their relationship to internal regulatory variables. In M. Lewis, J. M. Haviland-Johnes, & L. F. Barrett (Eds.), Handbook of emotions (3rd ed., pp. 114–137). Guilford.
Vigil, J. M. (2007). Asymmetries in the friendship preferences and social styles of men and women. Human Nature, 18(2), 143–161. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12110-007-9003-3
Ward, A. & Webster, M. (2016). Sociality: The behaviour of group-living animals. Springer.
Williams, K. E. G., Krems, J. A., Ayers, J. D., & J. D., & Rankin, A. M. (2022). Sex differences in friendship preferences. Evolution and Human Behavior, 43, 44–52. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.evolhumbehav.2021.09.003
Author information
Authors and Affiliations
Contributions
All authors (Menelaos Apostolou and Panagiota Vetsa) contributed to the conception and design of the study as well as to material preparation, data collection, and analysis. The manuscript was written by Menelaos Apostolou. All authors read and approved the final manuscript.
Corresponding author
Ethics declarations
Ethics Approval
The current research received ethics approval from the department of social sciences ethics committee.
Consent to Participate
Consent was asked from all participants prior to participation.
Consent for Publication
The authors grant the publisher permission to publish this manuscript.
Conflict of Interest
The authors declare no competing interests.
Additional information
Publisher's Note
Springer Nature remains neutral with regard to jurisdictional claims in published maps and institutional affiliations.
Rights and permissions
About this article
Cite this article
Apostolou, M., Vetsa, P. Friendship Preferences: Examining Desirable and Undesirable Traits in a Friend. Evolutionary Psychological Science 9, 38–49 (2023). https://doi.org/10.1007/s40806-022-00329-w
Received:
Revised:
Accepted:
Published:
Issue Date:
DOI: https://doi.org/10.1007/s40806-022-00329-w