Mediation

Abstract

Many couples have difficulty negotiating a divorce settlement on their own because they get defensive and start to argue the moment they disagree. Open communication breaks down and deteriorates into accusations and counteraccusations. The couple get sidetracked into arguing over whose fault it is, often losing sight of the problem at hand. Mediators are a bit like traffic cops: they direct the flow of dialogue to control angry outbursts, interruptions, accusations, and inflammatory remarks. By enforcing ground rules and bringing structure to the discussions, by paraphrasing contentious remarks, and by permitting one person to speak at a time, the mediator steers parties on a positive course. The mediator’s ability to successfully control destructive and hurtful communication is crucial. Disputants are more willing to listen to each other when they are not under attack. When they listen to each other, understanding is increased; with more understanding comes less blaming; with less blaming comes more of a willingness to be fair; and with a willingness to be fair comes the possibility of rational and creative solutions. The mediator helps people talk to each other without letting all of the emotional baggage get in the way.

He catches the best fish who angles with a golden hook.

Latin Proverb