Abstract
Sexual and intimate relationships are often sabotaged by the innate inclinations that have been endowed by evolutionarily ancient tendencies. Specifically, sexual attraction and subsequent bonding tends to be short-lived and predicated on biological tendencies that humans have in common with other primates. Thus, innate human mating tendencies often impact the duration and intensity of love and sexual attraction in virtually all relationships. These intrinsic proclivities are a key predicate of most sexual conflicts between couples. This chapter will help the practitioner become aware of these underlying causes of intimacy conflict and assist them in applying cognitively-based methods to best resolve related barriers to satisfactory relationships.
Access this chapter
Tax calculation will be finalised at checkout
Purchases are for personal use only
References
American Psychiatric Association. (2000). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of mental disorders (4th ed.). Washington, DC: Author.
Aron, A., Fisher, H., Mashek, D. J., Strong, G., Li, H., & Brown, L. L. (2005). Reward, motivation, and emotion systems associated with early-stage intense romantic love. Journal Of Neurophysiology, 94(1), 327–337.
Barash, D. P., & Lipton, J. E. (2001). The myth of monogamy: Fidelity and infidelity in animal and people. New York, NY: Freeman.
Beals, K. P., Impett, E. A., & Peplau, L. (2002). Lesbians in love: Why some relationships endure and others end. Journal of Lesbian Studies, 6(1), 53–63.
Beck, A. T. (1989). Love Is never enough: How couples can overcome misunderstandings, resolve conflicts, and solve relationship problems through cognitive therapy. New York: Harper Perennial.
Buss, D. M. (2005). The murderer next door: Why the mind is designed to kill. New York: Penguin Press.
Byers, E., & Wang, A. (2004). Understanding sexuality in close relationships from the social exchange perspective. In J. H. Harvey, A. Wenzel, S. Sprecher, J. H. Harvey, A. Wenzel, & S. Sprecher (Eds.), The handbook of sexuality in close relationships (pp. 203–234). Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates Publishers.
Cann, A., & Baucom, T. R. (2004). Former partners and new rivals as threats to a relationship: Infidelity type, gender, and commitment as factors related to distress and forgiveness. Personal Relationships, 11(3), 305–318.
Dobzhansky, T. (1973). Nothing in biology makes sense except in the light of evolution. The American Biology Teacher, 35, 125–129.
Dunn, K. M., Croft, P. R., & Hackett, G. I. (1999). Association of sexual problems with social, psychological, and physical problems in men and women: a cross sectional population survey. Journal of Epidemiological Community Health, 53, 144–148.
Edler, A. U., & Friedl, T. P. (2010). Plumage colouration, age, testosterone and dominance in male red bishops (Euplectes orix): A laboratory experiment. Ethology, 116(9), 806–820.
Ellis, A. (1954). Psychosexual and marital problems. In L. A. Pennington, I. A. Berg, L. A. Pennington, & I. A. Berg (Eds.), An introduction to clinical psychology (2nd ed., pp. 264–283). New York: Ronald Press Company.
Ellis, A. (1957). How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count the Ways. Psyccritiques, 2(7), 188–189.
Ellis, A. (1972). The civilized couples guide to extramarital adventure. New York: David McKay.
Ellis, A., & Abrams, M. (2008). Personality theories: Critical perspectives. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications.
Felmlee, D., Sprecher, S., & Bassin, E. (1990). The dissolution of intimate relationships: A hazard model. Social Psychology Quarterly, 53(1), 13–30.
Fetto, J. (2003)—Love Stinks: Statistics on Failed Relationships. Retrieve from http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m4021/is_1_25/ai_96734611/
Fisher, H. (1992). Anatomy of love: A natural history of mating, marriage, and why we stray. New York, NY: Random House.
Fisher, H. (2004). Why we love: The nature and chemistry of romantic love. New York: St. Martins Griffin.
Fisher, H. E., Brown, L. L., Aron, A., Strong, G., & Mashek, D. (2010). Reward, addiction, and emotion regulation systems associated with rejection in love. Journal of Neurophysiology, 104(1), 51–60.
Fossøy, F., Johnsen, A., & Lifjeld, J. T. (2006). Evidence of obligate female promiscuity in a socially monogamous passerine. Behavioral Ecology and Sociobiology, 60(2), 255–259.
Fujii-Hanamoto, H., Matsubayashi, K., Nakano, M., Kusunoki, H., & Enomoto, T. (2011). A comparative study on testicular microstructure and relative sperm production in gorillas, chimpanzees, and orangutans. American Journal of Primatology, 73(6), 570–577.
Fussell, N. J., Rowe, A. C., & Park, J. H. (2011). Masculinised brain and romantic jealousy: Examining the association between digit ratio (2D:4D) and between- and within-sex differences. Personality and Individual Differences, 51(2), 107–111.
Heruti, R., Shochat, T., Tekes-Manova, D., Ashkenazi, I., & Justo, D. (2004). Prevalence of erectile dysfunction among young adults: results of a large-scale survey. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 1(3), 284–291.
Jacobson, N. S., & Christenensen, A. (1996). Acceptance and change in couples therapy. New York: Norton.
Johnson, S. M. (2004). The practice of emotionally focused marital therapy: Creating connection. New York: Bruner.
Kenagy, G. J., & Trombulak, S. C. (1986). Size and function of mammalian testes in relation to body size. Journal of Mammalogy, 67, 1–22.
Kreider, R.M. & Ellis, R. (2011). Number, timing and duration of Marriages and divorces: 2009. United States Census Bureau. Retrieved from http://www.census.gov/prod/2011pubs/p70-125.pdf.
Laumann, E. O., West, S., Glasser, D., Carson, C., Rosen, R., & Kang, J. (2007). Prevalence and correlates of erectile dysfunction by race and ethnicity among men aged 40 or older in the United States: From the male attitudes regarding sexual health survey. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 4, 57–65.
Ledford, H. (2008). ‘Monogamous’ vole in love-rat shock. Nature, 451(7179), 617.
Loyau, A., Jalme, M., & Sorci, G. (2005). Intra- and Intersexual Selection for Multiple Traits in the Peacock (Pavo cristatus). Ethology, 111(9), 810–820. Martin, T. C., & Bumpass, L. L. (1989). Recent trends in marital disruption. Demography, 26, 37–51.
McGinnis, P. R. (1979). Sexual behavior in free-living Chimpanzees: consort relationships. In D. A. Hamburg & E. R. McCown (Eds.), The great apes (pp. 429–438). Menlo Park: Benjamin.
Moser, C. (2009). When is an unusual sexual interest a mental disorder? Archives of Sexual Behavior, 38(3), 323–325.
Moser, C., & Levitt, E. E. (1987). An exploratory-descriptive study of a sadomasochistically oriented sample. Journal of Sex Research, 23(3), 322–337.
Parish, A., & De Waal, F. (2000). The other “closest living relative”. How bonobos (Pan paniscus) challenge traditional assumptions about females, dominance, intra- and intersexual interactions, and hominid evolution. Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences 90797–113.
Potts, M., & Hayden, T. (2008). Sex and war: How biology explains warfare and terrorism and offers a path to a safer world. Benbella Books: Benbella Books.
Pruett-Jones, S., & Pruett-Jones, M. (1994). Sexual competition and courtship disruptions: Why do male bowerbirds destroy each other’s bowers? Animal Behaviour, 47(3), 607–620.
Ryan, C., & Jethá, C. (2010). Sex at dawn: Why we mate, why we stray, and what it means for modern relationships. New York, NY: HarperCollins.
Shackelford, T. K., Buss, D. M., & Bennett, K. (2002). Forgiveness or breakup: Sex differences in responses to a partner’s infidelity. Cognition and Emotion, 16, 299–307.
Shindel, A. W., & Moser, C. A. (2011). Why are the paraphilias mental disorders? The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 8(3), 927–929. 2.
Simpson, J. A. (1987). The dissolution of romantic relationships: Factors involved in relationship stability and emotional distress. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 53, 683–692.
Spoon, T. R., Millam, J. R., & Owings, D. H. (2007). Behavioural compatibility, extrapair copulation and mate switching in a socially monogamous parrot. Animal Behaviour, 73(5), 815–824.
Stevenson, R. J., Case, T. I., & Oaten, M. J. (2011). Effect of self-reported sexual arousal on responses to sex-related and non-sex-related disgust cues. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 40(1), 79–85.
Tsapelas, I., Fisher, H. E., & Aron, A. (2011). Infidelity: When, where, why. In W. R. Cupach, B. H. Spitzberg, W. R. Cupach, & B. H. Spitzberg (Eds.), The dark side of close relationships II (pp. 175–195). New York: Routledge/Taylor & Francis Group.
Tversky, A., & Kahneman, D. (1973). Availability: A heuristic for judging frequency and probability. Cognitive Psychology, 5, 201–232.
Tversky, A., & Kahneman, D. (1974). Judgment under uncertainty: Heuristics and biases. Science, 185, 1124–1131.
Author information
Authors and Affiliations
Corresponding author
Editor information
Editors and Affiliations
Rights and permissions
Copyright information
© 2012 Springer Science+Business Media New York
About this chapter
Cite this chapter
Abrams, M. (2012). Helping Couples Deal with Intimacy and Sexuality. In: Vernon, A. (eds) Cognitive and Rational-Emotive Behavior Therapy with Couples. Springer, New York, NY. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-1-4614-5137-2_7
Download citation
DOI: https://doi.org/10.1007/978-1-4614-5137-2_7
Published:
Publisher Name: Springer, New York, NY
Print ISBN: 978-1-4614-5136-5
Online ISBN: 978-1-4614-5137-2
eBook Packages: Behavioral ScienceBehavioral Science and Psychology (R0)