Abstract
To be or not to be in this relationship … that is the question. This chapter discusses relationship ambivalence and provides suggestions and strategies to help couples work through this issue. Given that the adult life cycle has been lengthening in recent years, and consequently, the time spent in relationships, the clinical issue of ambivalence presents itself with more frequency in therapy. Individuals are often asking themselves “Should I stay or should I go?” and struggling to find an answer to this question. This chapter discusses the subjective experience of ambivalence and the development of five main skills therapists can employ to help the couple or the individual work through the ambivalence. A case study illustrates the dilemmas associated with ambivalence as well as the application of therapeutic techniques.
This is a preview of subscription content, log in via an institution to check access.
Access this chapter
Tax calculation will be finalised at checkout
Purchases are for personal use only
References
Adams, J. (1965). Inequity in social exchange. Advances in Experimental Psychology, 2, 266–300.
Ambivalence. (2012, February). Retrieved from Merriam-Webster: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/ambivalence
Berger, C. (1987). Communicating under uncertainty. Interpersonal Processes: New Directions in Communication Research, 14, 39–62.
Broder, M. (2002). Can your relationship be saved?: How to know whether to stay or go. Atascadero, CA: Impact.
Ellis, A. (1994). Reason and emotion in psychotherapy: A comprehensive method of treating human disturbances. New York, NY: Carol Publishing.
Erber, R., & Erber, M. (2001). Intimate relationships: Issues theories and research. Needham Heights, MA: Pearson.
Fuller, J. R., DiGiuseppe, R., O’Leary, S., Fountain, T., & Lang, C. (2010). An open trial of a comprehensive anger treatment program on an outpatient sample. Behavioural and Cognitive Psychotherapy, 27, 1–6.
Gordon, T. (2000). Parent effectiveness training. New York, NY: Three Rivers Press.
Hatfield, E., Utne, M., & Traupmann, J. (1979). Equity theory and intimate relationships. In R. Burgess & T. Huston (Eds.), Social exchange in developing relationships (pp. 99–133). New York, NY: Academic.
Kirshenbaum, M. (1996). Too good to leave, too bad to stay: A step-by-step guide to help you decide whether to stay or get out of your relationship. London: Penguin Books.
Parks, M., & Adelman, M. (1983). Communication networks and the development of romantic relationships: An expansion of uncertainty reduction theory. Human Communication Research, 10, 55–79.
Walster, E., Berscheid, E., & Walster, G. (1973). New directions in equity. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 25, 151–176.
Walster, E., Walster, G., & Berscheid, E. (1978). Equity: Theory and research. Boston, MA: Allyn and Bacon.
Author information
Authors and Affiliations
Corresponding author
Editor information
Editors and Affiliations
Appendix A: Modified CBA Exercise Template Relationship Ambivalence: Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Appendix A: Modified CBA Exercise Template Relationship Ambivalence: Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Staying
Advantages (benefits or rewards) | Disadvantages (costs and risks) | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
S/T | L/T | Imp | S/T | L/T | Imp |
Going
Advantages (benefits or rewards) | Disadvantages (costs and risks) | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
S/T | L/T | Imp | S/T | L/T | Imp |
Note: First column instructs client to identify whether each item is long term (L/T), short term (S/T), or both. Second column instructs client to identify the degree of importance, each item ranging from 1—not at all important, 2—slightly important, 3—moderately important, 4—very important, and 5—extremely important.
Rights and permissions
Copyright information
© 2012 Springer Science+Business Media New York
About this chapter
Cite this chapter
Dowling, R., Evarts, S.O., Vernon, A. (2012). Helping Couples Deal with Relationship Ambivalence. In: Vernon, A. (eds) Cognitive and Rational-Emotive Behavior Therapy with Couples. Springer, New York, NY. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-1-4614-5137-2_4
Download citation
DOI: https://doi.org/10.1007/978-1-4614-5137-2_4
Published:
Publisher Name: Springer, New York, NY
Print ISBN: 978-1-4614-5136-5
Online ISBN: 978-1-4614-5137-2
eBook Packages: Behavioral ScienceBehavioral Science and Psychology (R0)