Midlife Crisis

A common myth in US culture is that midlife crisis is an inevitable part of life that we all experience. In fact, researchers estimate that only 10% to 20% of Americans actually experience a midlife crisis. It is important to distinguish between midlife transition and midlife crisis. A midlife transition generally begins in our forties and fifties. It is a period of reflection, reassessment, and redefinition. It is also a time when many of us realize our own mortality and begin to set new personal goals. However, these feelings themselves do not signal a midlife crisis. It is important for the individual to understand the difference between making a life change and a crisis. The psychologist Carl Jung identified five phases of midlife:

• 1. Accommodation—meeting the expectations of others. (This phase actually occurs throughout the first part of our life).

• 2. Separation—rejecting expectations, the individual begins to ask if their outward personality is who they really are.

• 3. Liminality—a period of uncertainty, where life seems directionless.

• 4. Reintegration—reexamining your individuality and coming to terms with that identity.

• 5. Individuation—the final stage in the process involves accepting the unfavorable aspects of ones’ one character.

The phases are a guide through midlife transition but each individual person experiences these phases differently. For instance, some individuals enter and reenter the stages. Others may stay in one particular stage for decades whereas others work through the phases in a short period of time. By recognizing the natural stages of midlife one can make sense of feelings of change and confusion; midlife transition need not be a crisis.

A midlife crisis is an emotional state of doubt and anxiety in which a person becomes uncomfortable with the realization that life is half over. It commonly involves reflection on what the individual has done with his or her life up to that point, often with feelings that not enough has been accomplished. The individual may feel bored with his or her life, job, or partner, and may feel a strong desire to make changes in these areas.

Midlife crisis usually affects individuals between the ages of 40 to 60 years, although individuals in their thirties and seventies have been known to experience a midlife crisis. A crisis is characterized by destructive behaviors, such as increased debt, having an affair, gambling, substance abuse, irresponsible behavior at work, or other damaging behavior. A midlife crisis can sometimes feel very painful and cause people to make drastic lifestyle changes. It can also produce an explosion of adolescent behavior, throwing life priorities into chaos. To control the damage it is important to recognize the warning signs of midlife crisis and learn to process the powerful emotions that come with it. Individuals going through midlife crisis might experience a wide range of feelings such as:

• Discontent with life and/or the lifestyle that may have provided happiness for many years

• Boredom with things and people that up until now held great interest or dominated one's life

• Feeling adventurous and wanting to do something completely different

• Questioning the meaning of life, and the validity of decisions made years before

• Confusion about who one is or where one's life is going

A midlife crisis can come naturally or can be brought on by external factors. Losing a family member such as a parent can generate an overwhelming fear of growing old and dying. Adult children leaving home can produce feelings of isolation. Physical signs of aging have also been known to trigger midlife crisis. With this physical evidence the aging process can no longer be avoided and with it the loss of one's youthful self‐image. Divorce is yet another factor that can exacerbate midlife crisis. Divorce can lead to feelings of inadequacy and depression.

Experts suggest the following coping strategies for individuals who believe that they are in the midst of a midlife crisis. The first step is to pay attention to one's feelings. Trying to block out internal emotions can intensify the crisis, which can then lead to damaging behavior like drug and alcohol abuse. As the crisis builds suppressed feelings can turn into misdirected anger toward family and friends. If one suppresses his or her emotions, chances are they will continue to resurface. Secondly, many in the throes of a midlife crisis instinctively move to end their marriages or long‐term relationships because of overwhelming feelings of restlessness, boredom, and overall discontentment with life. Experts suggest that individuals first try to repair or strengthen their relationships by talking to their partner about the changes they are undergoing. If an individual is afraid of being misjudged by his or her partner, he or she can consider sharing those feelings with a counselor. It is suggested that individuals try to avoid making sudden life‐changing decisions and instead ask themselves what goals are appropriate now. If someone is unable to work through his or her feelings, the individual can seek professional counseling or a support group. Finally, one can try to approach midlife as an opportunity for growth and development. Midlife can be a time of self‐reflection. It is important for the individual to understand the difference between making a life change and a crisis.

Many emerge from midlife with a new sense of meaning and direction that can guide them through the rest of their life. The transition of midlife is an opportunity to deepen relationships with family and friends and create a richer life. Individuals who feel overwhelmed can ask their physician for referrals to counselors or support groups that specialize in midlife transition.

Related Topics

Coping, Divorce, Empty nest syndrome, Marital satisfaction, Self‐esteem, Stress