Skip to main content

“It’s a Balance on a Knife-Edge”: Expectations of Parents and Adult Children

  • Chapter
  • First Online:
The Palgrave Handbook of Family Sociology in Europe

Abstract

Intergenerational relationships are important for individuals and society but under-examined in qualitative sociology compared to other types of relations. This chapter uses interview data from 34 Danish men and women to qualitatively examine relations between parents and adult children to identify contemporary cultural ideals influencing the relationships between generations in a Nordic welfare state. The analysis focuses on the expectations of parents and children towards each other, and on how people interpret their interactions as contributing to either closeness or distance in the relationship. The analysis shows that parents and adult children engage in similar ‘maintenance work’ as do participants in other types of personal relationships, but also that specific and culturally legitimate expectations attach to the role of parent, even after the children have reached adulthood.

This is a preview of subscription content, log in via an institution to check access.

Access this chapter

Chapter
USD 29.95
Price excludes VAT (USA)
  • Available as PDF
  • Read on any device
  • Instant download
  • Own it forever
eBook
USD 219.00
Price excludes VAT (USA)
  • Available as EPUB and PDF
  • Read on any device
  • Instant download
  • Own it forever
Softcover Book
USD 279.99
Price excludes VAT (USA)
  • Compact, lightweight edition
  • Dispatched in 3 to 5 business days
  • Free shipping worldwide - see info
Hardcover Book
USD 279.99
Price excludes VAT (USA)
  • Durable hardcover edition
  • Dispatched in 3 to 5 business days
  • Free shipping worldwide - see info

Tax calculation will be finalised at checkout

Purchases are for personal use only

Institutional subscriptions

References

  • Albertini, Marco, and Martin Kohli. 2013. “The Generational Contract in the Family: An Analysis of Transfer Regimes in Europe.” European Sociological Review 29 (4): 828–840.

    Google Scholar 

  • Andersen, Nadja. 2017. “Under samme tag som svigermor.” https://www.kl.dk/nyheder/makro-analyseenheden/danmark-i-forandring/flere-danskere-bor-undersamme-tag-som-svigermor/ Accessed on January 22, 2020.

  • Antonucci, Toni C., Kira S. Birditt, Carey W. Sherman, and Sarah Trinh. 2011. “Stability and Change in the Intergenerational Family: A Convoy Approach.” Ageing & Society 31 (7): 1084–1106.

    Google Scholar 

  • Attias-Donfut, Claudine, and Martine Segalen. 2002. “The Construction of Grandparenthood.” Current Sociology 50 (2): 281–294.

    Google Scholar 

  • Beck, Ulrich, and Elisabeth Beck-Gernsheim. 2018 [1995]. The Normal Chaos of Love. New York: Wiley.

    Google Scholar 

  • Beck-Gernsheim, Elisabeth. 1998. “On the Way to a Post-familial Family: From a Community of Need to Elective Affinities.” Theory, Culture and Society 15 (3–4): 53–70.

    Google Scholar 

  • Bengtson, Vern L. 2001. “Beyond the Nuclear Family: The Increasing Importance of Multigenerational Bonds: The Burgess Award Lecture.” Journal of Marriage and Family 63 (1): 1–16.

    Google Scholar 

  • Bertaux, Daniel. 2003. “The Usefulness of Life Stories for a Realist and Meaningful Sociology.” In Biographical Research in Eastern Europe. Altered Lives and Broken Biographies, edited by Robert Miller, 39–52. Oxon: Routledge.

    Google Scholar 

  • Bertaux, Daniel, and Martin Kohli. 1984. “The Life Story Approach: A Continental View.” Annual Review of Sociology 10 (1): 215–237.

    Google Scholar 

  • Bloom, David E., David Canning, and Günther Fink. 2010. “Implications of Population Ageing for Economic Growth.” Oxford Review of Economic Policy 26 (4): 583–612.

    Google Scholar 

  • Bordone, Valeria. 2012. “Social Norms and Intergenerational Relationships.” In The Family, the Market or the State? Intergenerational Support Under Pressure in Ageing Societies, edited by Gustavo De Santis, 159–178. Dordrecht: Springer.

    Google Scholar 

  • Brandt, Martina. 2013. “Intergenerational Help and Public Assistance in Europe: A Case of Specialization?” European Societies 15 (1): 26–56.

    Google Scholar 

  • Brannen, Julia. 2016. Fathers and Sons: Generations, Families and Migration. Basingstoke: Springer.

    Google Scholar 

  • Canary, Daniel J., and Laura Stafford. 1994. “Maintaining Relationships Through Strategic and Routine Interaction.” In Communication and Relational Maintenance, edited by Daniel J. Canary and Laura Stafford, 3–22. San Diego: Academic Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Clark, Candace. 1997. Misery and Company: Sympathy in Everyday Life. Chicago: University of Chicago Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Clotworthy, Amy. 2017. “Empowering the Elderly? A Qualitative Study of Municipal Home-Health Visits and Everyday Rehabilitation.” PhD diss., Det Humanistiske Fakultet, Københavns Universitet.

    Google Scholar 

  • Connelly, Roxanne, Vernon Gayle, and Paul S. Lambert. 2016. “A Review of Occupation-Based Social Classifications for Social Survey Research.” Methodological Innovations 9: 2059799116638003.

    Google Scholar 

  • Connidis, Ingrid Arnet, and Amanda E. Barnett. 2018. Family Ties and Aging. Los Angeles: Sage.

    Google Scholar 

  • Daatland, Svein Olav, Katharina Herlofson, and Ivar A. Lima. 2011. “Balancing Generations: on the Strength and Character of Family Norms in the West and East of Europe.” Ageing and Society 31 (7): 1159.

    Google Scholar 

  • Di Leonardo, Micaela. 1987. “The Female World of Cards and Holidays: Women, Families, and the Work of Kinship.” Signs: Journal of Women in Culture and Society 12 (3): 440–453.

    Google Scholar 

  • Dindia, Kathryn, and Leslie A. Baxter. 1987. “Strategies for Maintaining and Repairing Marital Relationships.” Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 4 (2): 143–158.

    Google Scholar 

  • Dykstra, Pearl A. 2018. “Cross-National Differences in Intergenerational Family Relations: The Influence of Public Policy Arrangements.” Innovation in Aging 2 (1): igx032.

    Google Scholar 

  • Esping-Andersen, Gosta. 1990. The Three Worlds of Welfare Capitalism. Princeton: Princeton University Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Fehr, Beverley. 1996. Friendship Processes. Sage Series on Close Relationships, Vol. 12. Thousand Oaks: Sage.

    Google Scholar 

  • Fernández, Juan J., and Mark Lutter. 2013. “Supranational Cultural Norms, Domestic Value Orientations and the Diffusion of Same-Sex Union Rights in Europe, 1988–2009.” International Sociology 28 (1): 102–120.

    Google Scholar 

  • Finch, Janet, and Jennifer Mason. 1993. Negotiating Family Responsibilities. London: Routledge.

    Google Scholar 

  • Fingerman, Karen L., Meng Huo, and Kira S. Birditt. 2020. “A Decade of Research on Intergenerational Ties: Technological, Economic, Political, and Demographic Changes.” Journal of Marriage and Family 82 (1): 383–403.

    Google Scholar 

  • Funk, Laura. 2015. “Constructing the Meaning of Filial Responsibility: Choice and Obligation in the Accounts of Adult Children.” Families, Relationships and Societies 4 (3): 383–399.

    Google Scholar 

  • Gabb, Jacqui, and Janet Fink. 2017. Couple Relationships in the 21st Century: Research, Policy, Practice. Cham: Springer.

    Google Scholar 

  • Goldrick-Rab, Sara, Robert Kelchen, Douglas N. Harris, and James Benson. 2016. “Reducing Income Inequality in Educational Attainment: Experimental Evidence on the Impact of Financial Aid on College Completion.” American Journal of Sociology 121 (6): 1762–1817.

    Google Scholar 

  • Gullestad, Marianne. 1996. “From Obedience to Negotiation: Dilemmas in the Transmission of Values Between the Generations in Norway.” Journal of the Royal Anthropological Institute 2: 25–42.

    Google Scholar 

  • Hagestad, Gunhild O., 2003. “Interdependent Lives and Relationships in Changing Times: A Life-Course View of Families and Aging.” In Invitation to the Life Course: Towards New Understandings of Later Life, edited by Richard Settersten, 135–159. Oxon: Routledge.

    Google Scholar 

  • Hagestad, Gunhild O., and Pearl A. Dykstra. 2016. “Structuration of the Life Course: Some Neglected Aspects.” In Handbook of the Life Course, Vol. II, edited by Michael J. Shanahan, Jeylan T. Mortimer, and Monica Kirkpatrick Johnson, 131–157. Cham: Springer.

    Google Scholar 

  • Halman, Loek, Inge Sieben, and Marga van Zundert, eds. 2011. Atlas of European Values. Trends and Traditions at the Turn of the Century. Leiden: Brill.

    Google Scholar 

  • Hämäläinen, Hans, Antti O. Tanskanen, Mirkka Danielsbacka, and Bruno Arpino. 2020. “Short-Term Reciprocity Between Adult Children and Parents: A Within-Person Investigation of Longitudinal Data.” Advances in Life Course Research 44: 100337.

    Google Scholar 

  • Hareven, Tamara K. 1994. “Aging and Generational Relations: A Historical and Life Course Perspective.” Annual Review of Sociology 20 (1): 437–461.

    Google Scholar 

  • Herlofson, Katharina, Gunhild Hagestad, Britt Slagsvold, and Anne-Mette Sørensen. 2011. “Intergenerational Family Responsibility and Solidarity in Europe.” Multilinks Project. Norwegian Social Research (NOVA). (104 Multilinks Project).

    Google Scholar 

  • Hochschild, Arlie Russell. 1994. “The Commercial Spirit of Intimate Life and the Abduction of Feminism: Signs from Women’s Advice Books.” Theory, Culture & Society 11 (2): 1–24.

    Google Scholar 

  • Jakobsen, Katrine, Kristian Jakobsen, Henrik Kleven, and Gabriel Zucman. 2017. “Wealth Taxation and Wealth Inequality: Evidence from Denmark 1980–2014.” In Manuscript. https://editorialexpress.com/cgi-bin/conference/download.

  • Jamieson, Lynn. 1998. Intimacy: Personal Relationships in Modern Societies. Cambridge: Polity Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Jenks, Chris 2002 [1996]. “The Postmodern Child.” In Children in Families: Research and Policy, edited by Julia Brannen and Margaret O’Brien, 13–25. London: Routledge.

    Google Scholar 

  • Kalmijn, Matthijs. 2014. “Adult Intergenerational Relationships.” In The Wiley-Blackwell Companion to the Sociology of Families, edited by Judith Treas, Jacqueline Scott, and Martin Richards, 385–403. Hoboken: Wiley-Blackwell.

    Google Scholar 

  • Kalmijn, Matthijs, Suzanne G. de Leeuw, Maaike Hornstra, Katya Ivanova, Ruben van Gaalen, and Kirsten van Houdt. 2019. “Family Complexity into Adulthood: The Central Role of Mothers in Shaping Intergenerational Ties.” American Sociological Review 84 (5): 876–904.

    Google Scholar 

  • Kim, Soohyun, and Jane Waldfogel. 2020. “Elder Care and the Role of Paid Leave Policy.” In Handbook on Demographic Change and the Lifecourse, edited by Jane Falkingham, Maria Evandrou, and Athina Vlachantoni. Cheltenham: Edward Elgar Publishing.

    Google Scholar 

  • Lee, Ellie, Jennie Bristow, Charlotte Faircloth, and Jan Macvarish. 2014. Parenting Culture Studies. Basingstoke: Springer.

    Google Scholar 

  • Leitner, Sigrid. 2003. “Varieties of Familialism: The Caring Function of the Family in Comparative Perspective.” European Societies 5 (4): 353–375.

    Google Scholar 

  • Lesthaeghe, Ron. 2014. “The Second Demographic Transition: A Concise Overview of Its Development.” Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences 111 (51): 18112–18115.

    Google Scholar 

  • Liefbroer, Aart C., and Francesco C. Billari. 2010. “Bringing Norms Back In: A Theoretical and Empirical Discussion of Their Importance for Understanding Demographic Behaviour.” Population, Space and Place 16 (4): 287–305.

    Google Scholar 

  • Liversage, Anika. 2009. “Vital Conjunctures, Shifting Horizons: High-Skilled Female Immigrants Looking for Work.” Work, Employment and Society 23 (1): 120–141.

    Google Scholar 

  • Liversage, Anika. 2012. “Gender, Conflict and Subordination Within the Household: Turkish Migrant Marriage and Divorce in Denmark.” Journal of Ethnic and Migration Studies 38 (7): 1119–1136.

    Google Scholar 

  • Liversage, Anika. 2017. “Twice as Many Helpers: Unpacking the Connection Between Marriage Migration and Older Labour Immigrants’ Access to Family Support.” Migration Letters 14 (1): 50–62.

    Google Scholar 

  • Masterson, Courtney R., and Jenny M. Hoobler. 2015. “Care and Career: A Family Identity‐Based Typology of Dual‐Earner Couples.” Journal of Organizational Behavior 36 (1): 75–93.

    Google Scholar 

  • McCarthy, Jane Ribbens, Rosalind Edwards, and Val Gillies. 2017. Making Families: Moral Tales of Parenting and Step-Parenting. London: Routledge-Cavendish.

    Google Scholar 

  • Merz, Eva-Maria, Nathan S. Consedine, Hans-Joachim Schulze, and Carlo Schuengel. 2009. “Wellbeing of Adult Children and Ageing Parents: Associations with Intergenerational Support and Relationship Quality.” Ageing and Society 29 (5): 783.

    Google Scholar 

  • Minkov, Michael, Vesselin Blagoev, and Geert Hofstede. 2013. “The Boundaries of Culture: Do Questions About Societal Norms Reveal Cultural Differences?” Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology 44 (7): 1094–1106.

    Google Scholar 

  • Nitchovski, Pavel. 2018. “‘Hello, Clarice.’ (A Step) Towards a Philosophical Account of Intimacy.” Thesis submitted to the faculty at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.

    Google Scholar 

  • Pickard, Linda. 2015. “A Growing Care Gap? The Supply of Unpaid Care for Older People by Their Adult Children in England to 2032.” Ageing & Society 35 (1): 96–123.

    Google Scholar 

  • Pillemer, Karl, and J. Jill Suitor. 2006. “Making Choices: A Within-Family Study of Caregiver Selection.” The Gerontologist 46 (4): 439–448.

    Google Scholar 

  • Ringsmose, J., and M. B. Hansen. 2005. Fælles sprog og ældreplejens organisering i et historisk perspektiv. Odense: Syddansk Universitet.

    Google Scholar 

  • Rose, Nikolas. 1990. Governing the Soul: The Shaping of the Private Self. London: Taylor & Frances/Routledge.

    Google Scholar 

  • Rostgaard, Tine. 2014. Family Policies in Scandinavia. Berlin: Friedrich-Ebert-Stiftung, Western Europa/North America.

    Google Scholar 

  • Rutherford, Markella B. 2011. Adult Supervision Required: Private Freedom and Public Constraints for Parents and Children. New Brunswick: Rutgers University Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Scharp, Kristina M., and Lindsey J. Thomas. 2016. “Family ‘Bonds’: Making Meaning of Parent-Child Relationships in Estrangement Narratives.” Journal of Family Communication 16 (1): 32–50.

    Google Scholar 

  • Scheff, Thomas J. 1997. Emotions, the Social Bond, and Human Reality: Part/Whole Analysis. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Schütze, Fritz. 1983. “Biographieforschung und narratives Interview.” neue praxis 13 (3): 283–293.

    Google Scholar 

  • Sobotka, Tomáš. 2008. “Overview Chapter 6: The Diverse Faces of the Second Demographic Transition in Europe.” Demographic Research 19: 171–224.

    Google Scholar 

  • Starr, Madeleine, and Marta Szebehely. 2017. “Working Longer, Caring Harder—The Impact of ‘Ageing-in-Place’ Policies on Working Carers in the UK and Sweden.” International Journal of Care and Caring 1 (1): 115–119.

    Google Scholar 

  • Stehouwer, Jan. 1970. “Relations Between Generations and the Three-Generation Household in Denmark.” In Readings in Kinship in Urban Society, 337–366. Oxford: Pergamon.

    Google Scholar 

  • Strikwerda, Robert A., and Larry May. 1992. “Male Friendship and Intimacy.” Hypatia 7 (3): 110–125.

    Google Scholar 

  • Swartz, Teresa Toguchi, Minzee Kim, Mayumi Uno, Jeylan Mortimer, and Kirsten Bengtson O’Brien. 2011. “Safety Nets and Scaffolds: Parental Support in the Transition to Adulthood.” Journal of Marriage and Family 73 (2): 414–429.

    Google Scholar 

  • Syltevik, Liv J. 2010. “Sense and Sensibility: Cohabitation in ‘Cohabitation Land’.” The Sociological Review 58 (3): 444–462.

    Google Scholar 

  • Syltevik, Liv J. 2014. “Cohabitation from Illegal to Institutionalized Practice: The Case of Norway 1972–2010.” The History of the Family 20 (4): 515–529.

    Google Scholar 

  • Therborn, Göran. 2004. Between Sex and Power: Family in the World 1900–2000. London: Routledge.

    Google Scholar 

  • Trifan, Tatiana Alina, Håkan Stattin, and Lauree Tilton‐Weaver 2014. “Have Authoritarian Parenting Practices and Roles Changed in the Last 50 Years?” Journal of Marriage and Family 76 (4): 744–761.

    Google Scholar 

  • van Gaalen, Ruben I. 2007. “Solidarity and Ambivalence in Parent-Child Relationships.” Utrecht University Repository: Utrecht University.

    Google Scholar 

  • Van Gaalen, Ruben I., Pearl A. Dykstra, and Aafke E. Komter. 2010. “Where Is the Exit? Intergenerational Ambivalence and Relationship Quality in High Contact Ties.” Journal of Aging Studies 24 (2): 105–114.

    Google Scholar 

  • Van Hooff, Jenny. 2016. Modern Couples? Continuity and Change in Heterosexual Relationships. London: Routledge.

    Google Scholar 

  • Zelizer, Viviana A. 1994. Pricing the Priceless Child: The Changing Social Value of Children. Princeton: Princeton University Press.

    Google Scholar 

Download references

Acknowledgements

The research for the chapter was supported by The Danish Council for Independent Research (grant number 1329-00112A). I want to thank the participants in the network and workshop series Significant othersinformal social networks between policy and everyday life for inspiring discussions of the ideas included in this chapter. Especial thanks to Anna-Maija Castrén, Sara Eldén, and Terese Anving. The workshop series was funded by The Joint Committee for Nordic research councils in the Humanities and Social Sciences (grant number 2016-00258/NOS-HS_4). I want to thank Professor Bente Halkier, University of Copenhagen, as well as the editors of this volume and the anonymous reviewers for constructive comments and helpful advice on earlier drafts of this chapter.

Author information

Authors and Affiliations

Authors

Editor information

Editors and Affiliations

Rights and permissions

Reprints and permissions

Copyright information

© 2021 The Author(s), under exclusive license to Springer Nature Switzerland AG

About this chapter

Check for updates. Verify currency and authenticity via CrossMark

Cite this chapter

Marckmann, B. (2021). “It’s a Balance on a Knife-Edge”: Expectations of Parents and Adult Children. In: Castrén, AM., et al. The Palgrave Handbook of Family Sociology in Europe. Palgrave Macmillan, Cham. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-030-73306-3_16

Download citation

  • DOI: https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-030-73306-3_16

  • Published:

  • Publisher Name: Palgrave Macmillan, Cham

  • Print ISBN: 978-3-030-73305-6

  • Online ISBN: 978-3-030-73306-3

  • eBook Packages: Social SciencesSocial Sciences (R0)

Publish with us

Policies and ethics