Skip to main content
SpringerLink
Log in

Polyamorous Intimacies: From One Love to Many Loves and Back Again

  • Chapter
Mapping Intimacies

Part of the book series: Palgrave Macmillan Studies in Family and Intimate Life ((PSFL))

Abstract

One of the emerging sexual stories (Plummer, 1995) of the early 2000s was that of consensual non-monogamous relationships. This story attracted intense public interest, with celebrities quoted as having open, or multiple, relationships, many newspaper articles and television documentaries focusing on ‘real-life’ experiences, and a burgeoning number of self-help style books being published on the topic. The cultural exposure of polyamory was such that the word entered the Oxford English Dictionary in 2006 and elicits over a million Google hits due to the many online communities devoted to polyamory (mostly based in the US, Canada and Europe). There has also been increasing academic interest in the topic, with conferences, special issues of journals, and edited collections devoted to the topic of consensual non-monogamies (for example, Haritaworn et al., 2006; Barker and Langdridge, 2010). Polyamory is undoubtedly the form of non-monogamy that has received the most attention in recent years. This involves people openly having multiple romantic and sexual partners, and is often positioned as separate from other forms of non-monogamy such as swinging and open relationships.1

This is a preview of subscription content, log in via an institution to check access.

Access this chapter

Log in via an institution
Chapter
USD 29.95
Price excludes VAT (USA)
  • Available as PDF
  • Read on any device
  • Instant download
  • Own it forever
eBook
USD 39.99
Price excludes VAT (USA)
  • Available as EPUB and PDF
  • Read on any device
  • Instant download
  • Own it forever
Softcover Book
USD 54.99
Price excludes VAT (USA)
  • Compact, lightweight edition
  • Dispatched in 3 to 5 business days
  • Free shipping worldwide - see info
Hardcover Book
USD 54.99
Price excludes VAT (USA)
  • Durable hardcover edition
  • Dispatched in 3 to 5 business days
  • Free shipping worldwide - see info

Tax calculation will be finalised at checkout

Purchases are for personal use only

Institutional subscriptions

Preview

Unable to display preview. Download preview PDF.

Unable to display preview. Download preview PDF.

References

  • Alexander, M. J. (2005) Pedagogies of Crossing: Meditations on Feminism, Sexual Politics, Memory, and the Sacred Durham: Duke University Press.

    Book  Google Scholar 

  • Anapol, D. (1997) Polyamory: The New Love without Limits San Rafael, CA: IntiNet Resource Center.

    Google Scholar 

  • Anzaldúa, G. (1987) Borderlands/La Frontera: The New Mestiza San Fransisco, CA: Aunt Lute Books.

    Google Scholar 

  • Barker, M. (2012) Rewriting the Rules: An Interactive Guide to Love, Sex and Relationships London: Routledge.

    Google Scholar 

  • Barker, M. and Heckert, J. (2011) ‘Privilege and Oppression, Conflict and Compassion’ The Sociological Imagination http://sociologicalimagination.org/archives/6520 (date accessed 13 June 2013).

  • Barker, M. and Langdridge, D. (eds.) (2010) Understanding Non-Monogamies New York: Routledge.

    Google Scholar 

  • Barker, M., Richards, C. and Bowes-Catton, H. (2012) ‘Visualising Experience: Using Creative Research Methods with Members of Sexual Communities’ in Phellas, C (ed.) Researching Non-Heterosexual Sexualities Farnham: Ashgate.

    Google Scholar 

  • Barker, M. and Ritchie, A. (2007) ‘Hot Bi Babes and Feminist Families: Polyamorous Women Speak Out’ Lesbian and Gay Psychology Review 8(2): 141–151.

    Google Scholar 

  • Bauman, Z. (2003) Liquid Love: On the Frailty of Human Bonds Cambridge: Polity Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Beasley, C and Bacchi, C. (2007) ‘Envisaging a New Politics for an Ethical Future: Beyond Trust, Care and Generosity — Towards an Ethic of “Social Flesh”’ Feminist Theory 8(3): 279–298.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Beck, U. and Beck-Gernsheim, E. (1995) The Normal Chaos of Love Cambridge: Polity Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Bell, D. and Binnie, J. (2000) The Sexual Citizen: Queer Politics and Beyond Cambridge: Polity Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Bertalan, H. (2011) ‘When Theories Meet: Emma Goldman and “Post-Anarchism”’ in Rousselle, D. and Evren, S. (eds.) Post-Anarchism: A Reader Ann Arbor: Pluto.

    Google Scholar 

  • Blagojevic, J. (2011) ‘Between Walls: Provincialisms, Human Rights, Sexualities and Serbian Public Discourses on EU Integration’ in Kulpa, R. and Mizieliñska, J. (eds.) De-Centring Western Sexualities: Central and Eastern European Perspectives Farnham: Ashgate.

    Google Scholar 

  • British Broadcasting Corporation World Service. (2012) Rumi http://www.bbc.co.uk/worldservice/learningenglish/movingwords/quotefeature/rumi.shtml (date accessed 27 July 2012).

  • British Broadcasting Corporation World Service Finn, M. and Maison, H. (2008) ‘Speaking of Home Truth: (Re)productions of Dyadic Commitment in Non-Monogamous Relationships’ British Journal of Social Psychology 47(3): 519–533.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Brown, W. (1995) States of Injury: Power and Freedom in Late Modernity Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Carrillo Rowe, A. (2008) Power Lines: On the Subject of Feminist Alliances Durham: Duke University Press.

    Book  Google Scholar 

  • Comer, L. (1974) Wedlocked Women Leeds: Feminist Books.

    Google Scholar 

  • Coontz, S. (2005) Marriage, a History New York: Penguin.

    Google Scholar 

  • Davis, L. (2011) ‘Love and Revolution in Ursula Le Guin’s Four Ways to Forgiveness’ in Heckert, J. and Cleminson, R. (eds.) Anarchism and Sexuality: Ethics, Relationships and Power Abingdon: Routledge.

    Google Scholar 

  • Dean, K. and Massumi, B. (1992) First and Last Emperors: The Absolute State and the Body of the Despot New York: Autonomedia.

    Google Scholar 

  • de Beauvoir, S. (1972 [1949]) The Second Sex Harmondsworth: Penguin,

    Google Scholar 

  • de Cleyre, V. (2004) The Voltairine de Cleyre Reader (ed. A. J. Brigati) Oakland, CA: AK Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Easton, D. (2010) ‘Making Friends with Jealousy: Therapy with Polyamorous Clients’ in Barker, M. and Langdridge, D. (eds.) Understanding Non-Monogamies New York: Routledge.

    Google Scholar 

  • Easton, D. and Liszt, C. (1997) The Ethical Slut Emeryville: Greenery Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Ferguson, A. (1989) Blood at the Root: Motherhood, Sexuality and Male Dominance London: Pandora Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Gibson-Graham, J. K. (2006) A Postcapitalist Politics Minneapolis, MN: University of Minnesota Press

    Google Scholar 

  • Giddens, A. (1992) The Fransformation of Intimacy: Sexuality, Love and Eroticism in Modern Societies Cambridge: Polity Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Goldman, E. (1998) Red Emma Speaks: An Emma Goldman Reader (ed. A. Shulman) Amherst, NY: Humanity Books.

    Google Scholar 

  • Haritaworn, J., Lin, C and Kiesse, C. (2006) ‘Poly/logue: A Critical Introduction to Polyamory’ Sexualities 9(5): 515–529.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Harvey, L. and Gill, R. (2011) ‘Spicing it Up: Sexual Entrepreneurs and The Sex Inspectors’ in Gill, R. and Scharll, C. (eds.) New Femininities: Postfeminism, Neoliberalism and Subjectivity Basingstoke: Palgrave Macmillan.

    Google Scholar 

  • Heaphy, B., Donovan, C and Weeks, J. (2004) ‘A Different Affair? Openness and Non-Monogamy in Same-Sex Relationships’ in Duncombe, J., Harrison, K., Allan, G. and Marsden, D. (eds.) The State of Affairs: Explorations in Infidelity and Commitment Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.

    Google Scholar 

  • Heaphy, B., Smart, C. and Einarsdottir, A. (2009) fust Like Marriage? Young Couple’s Civil Partnerships Presentation to Economic and Social Research Council User Group, 11 December 2009, University of Manchester.

    Google Scholar 

  • Heckert, J. (2010) ‘Love without Borders? Intimacy, Identity and the State of Compulsory Monogamy’ in Barker, M. and Langdridge, D. (eds.) Understanding Non-Monogamies New York: Routledge.

    Google Scholar 

  • Hooks, B. (2000) All About Love: New Visions London: The Women’s Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Iantaffi, A. (2006) ‘Polyamory and Parenting: Some Personal Reflections’ Lesbian and Gay Psychology Review 7(1): 70–72.

    Google Scholar 

  • Illouz, E. (1997) Consuming the Romantic Utopia: Love and the Cultural Contradictions of Capitalism Berkley, CA: University of California Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Jackson, S. (1995) ‘Women and Heterosexual Love: Complicity, Resistance and Change’ in Pearce, L. and Stacey, J. (eds.) Romance Revisited London: Lawrence and Wishart.

    Google Scholar 

  • Jackson, S. and Scott, S. (2004) ‘The Personal is Still Political: Heterosexuality, Feminism and Monogamy’ Feminism and Psychology 14(1): 151–157.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Jamieson, L. (1997) Intimacy: Personal Relationships in Modern Societies Cambridge: Polity Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Jeppesen, S. (2011) ‘Becoming Anarchist: The Function of Anarchist Literature’ Anarchist Developments in Cultural Studies 2(2): 189–213.

    Google Scholar 

  • Jónasdóttir, A. (1991) Love Power and Political Interests: Towards a Theory of Patriarchy in Contemporary Western Societies Örebro: University of Örebro.

    Google Scholar 

  • Kiesse, C. (2006) ‘Polyamory and its “Others”: Contesting the Terms of Non-Monogamy’ Sexualities 9(5): 565–583.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Kiesse, C. (2007) The Spectre of Promiscuity: Gay Male and Bisexual Non-Monogamies and Polyamories Aldershot: Ashgate.

    Google Scholar 

  • Labriola, K. (2010) Love in Abundance: A Counsellor’s Advice on Open Relationships California: Greenery Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Lagalisse, E. (2011) ‘“Marginalizing Magdalena”: Intersections of Gender and the Secular in Anarchoindigenist Solidarity Activism’ Signs 36(3): 653–678.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Landauer, G. (1978) For Socialism (trans. D.J. Parent) St. Louis, MO: Telos Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Lewis, J. (2001) The End of Marriage? Individualism and Intimate Relations Cheltenham and Northampton, MA: Edward Elgar.

    Google Scholar 

  • McBride, K. (2011) ‘Emma Goldman and the Power of Revolutionary Love’ in Klausen, J. and Martel, J. (eds.) How Not to be Governed: Readings and Interpretations from a Critical Anarchist Left Lanham: Lexington.

    Google Scholar 

  • McDonald, D. (2010) ‘Swinging: Pushing the Boundaries of Monogamy?’ in Barker, M. and. Langdridge, D. (eds.) Understanding Non-Monogamies New York: Routledge.

    Google Scholar 

  • McWhorter, L. (2010) ‘Enemy of the Species’ in Mortimer-Sandilands, C. and Erickson, B. (eds.) Queer Ecologies: Sex, Nature, Politics, Desire Bloomington, IN: Indiana.

    Google Scholar 

  • Mint, P. (2010) ‘The Power Mechanisms of Jealousy’ in Barker, M. and Langdridge, D. (eds.) Understanding Non-Monogamies New York: Routledge.

    Google Scholar 

  • Munson, M., and Stelboum, J. P. (1999) The Lesbian Polyamory Reader: Open Relationships, Non-Monogamy and Casual Sex New York: Haworth Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Noel, M. J. (2006) ‘Progressive Polyamory: Considering Issues of Diversity’ Sexualities 15(2): 602–620.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Pallotta-Chiarolli, M. (1995) ‘Choosing Not to Choose: Beyond Monogamy, Beyond Duality’ in Lano, K. and Parry, C (eds.) Breaking the Baniers of Desire Nottingham: Five Leaves Publication.

    Google Scholar 

  • Pallotta-Chiarolli, M. (2002) ‘Polyparents Having Children, Raising Children, Schooling Children’ Loving More 31: 8–12.

    Google Scholar 

  • Pallotta-Chiarolli, M. (2010) ‘ “To Pass, Border or Pollute”: Polyfamilies go to School’ in Barker, M. and Langdridge, D. (eds.) Understanding Non-Monogamies New York: Routledge.

    Google Scholar 

  • Pieper, M. and Bauer, R. (2005) ‘Call for Papers: International Conference on Polyamory and Mono-Normativity’ University of Hamburg, 5–6 November 2005. http://www.wiso.uni-hamburg.de/index.php?id=3495 (date accessed 31 August 2008).

  • Pietak, A. (2011) Life as Energy: Opening the Mind to a New Science of Life Edinburgh: Floris Books.

    Google Scholar 

  • Plummer, K. (1995) Telling Sexual Stories: Power, Change and Social Worlds London: Routledge.

    Book  Google Scholar 

  • Ritchie, A. and Barker, M. (2006) ‘There Aren’t Words for What we Do or How we Feel so we Have to Make Them Up: Constructing Polyamorous Languages in a Culture of Compulsory Monogamy’ Sexualities 9(5): 584–601.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Robinson, V. (1997) ‘My Baby Just Cares for Me: Feminism, Heterosexuality and Non-Monogamy’ Journal of Gender Studies 6(4): 143–158.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Rosa, B. (1994) ‘Anti-Monogamy: A Radical Challenge to Compulsory Heterosexuality’ in Griffin, C. (ed.) Stirring It: Challenges for Feminism London: Taylor and Francis.

    Google Scholar 

  • Rosenberg M. (2003) Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life Encinitas, CA: Puddle Dancer Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Rubin, G. (1984) ‘Thinking Sex: Notes for a Radical Theory of the Politics of Sexuality’ in Vance, C. S. (ed.) Pleasure and Danger: Exploring Female Sexuality London: Pandora.

    Google Scholar 

  • Sheff, E. (2010) ‘Strategies in Polyamorous Parenting’ in Barker, M. and Langdridge, D. (eds.) Understanding Non-Monogamies New York: Routledge.

    Google Scholar 

  • Solanas, V. (2001 [1968]) SCUM Manifesto Oakland, CA: AK Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Tuhkanen, M. (2009) ‘Queer Hybridity’ in Nigianni, C. and Storr, M. (eds.) Deleuze and Queer Theory Edinburgh: University of Edinburgh Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Vangelisti, A. L. and Gerstenberger, M. (2004) ‘Communication and Marital Infidelity’ in Duncombe, J. Harrison, K. Allan, G. and Marsden, D. (eds.) The State of Affairs: Explorations in Infidelity and Commitment New Jersey: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.

    Google Scholar 

  • Ward, C. (2011) Autonomy, Solidarity, Possibility: The Colin Ward Reader (ed. D. White and C Wilbert) Oakland, CA: AK Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Warren, J. T, Harvey, S. M. and Agnew, C R. (2011) ‘One Love: Explicit Monogamy Agreements among Heterosexual Young Adult Couples at Increased Risk of Sexually Transmitted Infections’ Journal of Sex Research 48(1): 1–8.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Wilkinson, E. (2010) ‘What’s Queer about Non-Monogamy Now?’ in Barker, M. and Langdridge, D. (eds.) Understanding Non-Monogamies New York: Routledge.

    Google Scholar 

  • Wilkinson, E. (2012) ‘The Romantic Imaginary: Compulsory Coupledom and Single Existence’ in Hines, S. and Taylor, Y (eds.) Sexualities: Past Reflections, Future Directions Basingstoke: Palgrave Macmillan.

    Google Scholar 

  • Wosick-Correa, K. (2010) ‘Agreements, Rules, and Agentic Fidelity in Polyamorous Relationships’ Psychology and Sexuality 1(1): 44–61.

    Article  Google Scholar 

Download references

Authors
  1. Meg Barker
    View author publications

    You can also search for this author in PubMed Google Scholar

  2. Jamie Heckert
    View author publications

    You can also search for this author in PubMed Google Scholar

  3. Eleanor Wilkinson
    View author publications

    You can also search for this author in PubMed Google Scholar

Editor information

Editors and Affiliations

  1. Independent academic, UK

    Tam Sanger

  2. London South Bank University, UK

    Yvette Taylor

Copyright information

© 2013 Meg Barker, Jamie Heckert and Eleanor Wilkinson

About this chapter

Cite this chapter

Barker, M., Heckert, J., Wilkinson, E. (2013). Polyamorous Intimacies: From One Love to Many Loves and Back Again. In: Sanger, T., Taylor, Y. (eds) Mapping Intimacies. Palgrave Macmillan Studies in Family and Intimate Life. Palgrave Macmillan, London. https://doi.org/10.1057/9781137313423_11

Download citation

Publish with us

Policies and ethics

Search

Navigation