The Grand Illusion: Evasion, Survival, and Self-Hate

Abstract

Alcoholics cannot distinguish fantasy from reality. They are easily frustrated by setbacks and disappointments; and they are, perhaps, the ultimate risk-takers—the speeders, spenders, fighters, voyeurs, adulterers, power-junkies—who minimize the consequences of their dunderheaded recklessness with nonsensical excuses and a puzzling complex of self-hate and evasion. It is a strangely confusing prospect, a patchwork of Jekyll and Hyde behaviors that are predicated on a paradoxical mix of powerlessness, control, and self-punishment.

What is better than leaving a bar In the middle of the afternoon … You can stare up at the whole sky: It’s blue and white and does not stare back at you like the bar mirror.

—Alan Dugan, “Swing Shift Blues,” 1–5, 8–10.