Managing Conflict

Abstract

It’s an old and far too common story: fairy tale turned to nightmare. Famous families battling over their parents’ inheritance, high-profile family infighting, and even violence within the family has become common tabloid fodder. Then there is the unadvertised story that rarely sees sensational headlines—great families transitioning the next generation to greatness.

As a result of the alcoholism of both her parents, Louise grew up in a family where chaos and violence were a way of life. As the youngest of four children, she quickly learned a defense of passivity and “invisibility” as a method of dealing with the volatility, unlike the aggressive defiance of her two older siblings. When she and Steve married, she was committed to making sure that her children would never experience what she did growing up. Arguing or any type of normal disagreement among her children was not permitted. But what Louise didn’t realize was that conflict is a relatively normal occurrence when differences of opinions occur and this does not necessarily mean that the explosions she witnessed as a child would immediately occur.

In fact, avoiding conflict altogether could do more harm than good. Without learning an appropriate method of dealing with conflict, anger and hostility build up internally and then a relatively trivial situation can cause a major disruption in relationships. This was the presenting situation when this family sought help in dealing with transition within the family business. All three young adults were working in various departments within the company, but it was clear to all around them that sibling tension was always boiling just beneath the surface and chances of a successful partnership when Dad and Mom were out of the picture were seriously compromised.