Identity and Selfhood

Abstract

This chapter considers what we term the ‘dislocation of self’—the shattering of the prisoner’s prior sense of self instigated by the enormity of being party (or witness) to murder and by the prospect of many years in prison. The chapter begins by describing prisoners’ frequent references to ‘losing themselves’ in the early sentence stage. It goes on to describe how prisoners further into their sentence engaged in forms of existential reflection, during which they attempted to make sense of their experiences and their sense of self. In particular, those prisoners who considered themselves to be guilty of the offence were forced to ask themselves ‘who am I if I am capable of murder?’. The chapter elaborates three broad narratives that emerged out of prisoners attempts to re-narrate the self and construct a coherent life story: first, the ethical self, in which the individual is cited as an inherently good person who ‘made one mistake’; second, the ‘stronger, better self’, reflecting the idea that the individual has become a morally better person as a result of their trauma; and third, the ‘more mature’ individual, who believes that self-improvement is an outcome of natural maturation. The chapter finally considers the idea expressed by many prisoners that, as a result of their sentence, they had found and become ‘the real me’—a better and more ‘authentic’ person.