“I Am a Mother, but Not a Mother”: The Paradox of Virtual Mothering

Abstract

After I discovered an internet café for birth mothers in June 2005, I wrote a post, asking for participants willing to be interviewed. Only one person came forward. The volunteer was Min Yeh Jin, then a 25-year-old birth mother and an active blogger at the internet café. Before heading to our interview, I prepared by reading her postings. We met in person at her two- bedroom, half-basement apartment in Bucheon, Gyeonggi Province, on August 2, 2005. She was living alone with her two dogs. I realized that I had brought my own expectations to this meeting when I met her, and saw that she was different from what I had expected. She seemed to be an ordinary woman in her twenties, like I might see in my own neighborhood. We talked for three or four hours, during which time we ate, listened, cried, laughed and interpreted the letter she received from her daughter’s adoptive parents. Finally, it was time to go. It was raining outside and she insisted that I take her umbrella, even though both of us knew that I might not ever be able to return it. Five years passed, during which time I officially began collecting birth mother oral histories. I tried to contact her several times via various means and was not able to reach her.