The Bible verse above is often used during wedding ceremonies to capture the intended devotion of spouses to each other. However, over the last several years of my 16-year marriage, my spouse and I have faced the modern reality that, when both partners are highly invested in their careers and occupy leadership roles, it is often difficult to find promising employment opportunities for both partners in the same geographic location. During our marriage, we have lived together as a traditional couple and family, sharing a house in the same city 365 days a year. We also have each occupied the role of trailing spouse, whereby, to continue living as a traditional couple/family, one of us has made a career sacrifice for the other. Currently, we are partners in a long-distance commuter marriage in which we each live in our own house, 2,712 miles from each other, for three weeks of every month.
This is a preview of subscription content, log in via an institution.
Buying options
Tax calculation will be finalised at checkout
Purchases are for personal use only
Learn about institutional subscriptionsPreview
Unable to display preview. Download preview PDF.
References
Achurperil, M. (2003). Married, living apart, still hopeful. Science. Retrieved December 1, 2007, from http://sciencecareers.sciencemag.org/career_development/previous_issues/articles/2240/married_living_apart_still_hopeful/
Babcock, L., & Laschever, S. (2003). Women don’t ask: Negotiation and the gender divide. Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press.
Blanchard, K., Zigarmi, P., & Zigarmi, D. (1985). Leadership and the one-minute manager: Increasing effectiveness through situational leadership. New York: Morrow.
Booker, K. (2003, August 5). The disadvantages of youth. Chronicle of Higher Education Online. Retrieved September 17, 2007, from http://chronicle.com/jobs/2003/08/2003080501c.htm
Buckingham, M., & Coffman, C. (1999). First break all the rules: What the world’s greatest managers do differently. New York: Simon & Schuster.
Buckingham, M., & Clifton, D. O. (2001). Now discover your strengths. New York: Free Press.
Buckingham, M. (2005). The one thing you need to know … about great managing, great leading, and sustained individual success. New York: Free Press.
Buckingham, M. (2007). Go, put your strengths to work: 6 powerful steps to achieve outstanding performance. New York: Free Press.
Collay, M. (2002). Balancing work and family. In J. E. Cooper & D. D. Stevens (Eds.), Tenure in the sacred grove: Issues and strategies for women and minority faculty. New York: SUNY Press.
Downton, J. V. (1973). Rebel leadership: Commitment and charisma in the revolutionary process. New York: Free Press.
Goode, J. (2004, March 30). The mommy candidate. Chronicle of Higher Education Online. Retrieved September 17, 2007, from http://chronicle.com/jobs/2004/03/2004033001c.htm
Guldner, G. T. (2006). Long distance relationships: The complete guide. Corona, CA: J. F. Milne.
Hersey, P. (1985). The situational leader. New York: Warner.
Kotter, J. P. (1990). A force for change: How leadership differs from management. New York: Free Press.
Mannix, M. (2001). Take me, take my spouse. ASEE Prism Online, 11(3). Retrieved December 1, 2007, from http://www.prism-magazine.org/nov01/takeme.cfm
Villalba, C. (1999a). Partners in science, Part One: Negotiating the academic job market as postdocs. Science. Retrieved December 1, 2007, from http://sciencecareers.sciencemag.org/career_development/previous_issues/articles/0000/partners_in_science_part_one_negotiating_the_academic_job_market_as_postdocs/
Villalba, C. (1999b). Partners in science, Part Two: Looking for and negotiating faculty jobs together. Science. Retrieved December 1, 2007, from http://sciencecareers.sciencemag.org/career_development/previous_issues/articles/0000/partners_in_science_part_two_looking_for_and_negotiating_faculty_jobs_together/
von Ruschkowski, E. (2003). The 700-km commute. Science. Retrieved December 1, 2007, from http://sciencecareers.sciencemag.org/career_development/previous_issues/articles/2240/the_700_km_commute/
Wilson, R. (1999). The frustrating career of the ‘trailing spouse.’ Science. Retrieved December 1, 2007, from http://sciencecareers.sciencemag.org/career_development/previous_issues/articles/0210/reprints_the_frustrating_career_of_the_trailing_spouse/
Author information
Authors and Affiliations
Corresponding author
Editor information
Editors and Affiliations
Rights and permissions
Copyright information
© 2009 Springer Science+Business Media B.V.
About this chapter
Cite this chapter
Miller, R.G. (2009). Wither Thou Goest: The Trailing Spouse or Commuter Marriage Dilemma. In: Wieseman, K.C., Weinburgh, M.H. (eds) Women’s Experiences in Leadership in K-16 Science Education Communities. Springer, Dordrecht. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-90-481-2239-4_9
Download citation
DOI: https://doi.org/10.1007/978-90-481-2239-4_9
Publisher Name: Springer, Dordrecht
Print ISBN: 978-90-481-2236-3
Online ISBN: 978-90-481-2239-4
eBook Packages: Humanities, Social Sciences and LawHistory (R0)