Skip to main content
SpringerLink
Log in

Deceiving for and During Sex

  • Chapter
  • First Online:
The Palgrave Handbook of Deceptive Communication

Abstract

Romantic and sexual relationships form an important part of the social landscape. These relationships are however vulnerable to deception, which may occur prior to intercourse (in order to obtain sex) or during sex (for a range of reasons including enhancement of relationship satisfaction). The current chapter details the use of deception to obtain sex, e.g., the use of ‘false advertising’ to attract a partner and the use of deception during sex such as pretending to experience orgasm and infidelity. Throughout the chapter, important differences between men and women are highlighted.

This is a preview of subscription content, log in via an institution to check access.

Access this chapter

Log in via an institution
Chapter
USD 29.95
Price excludes VAT (USA)
  • Available as PDF
  • Read on any device
  • Instant download
  • Own it forever
eBook
USD 299.00
Price excludes VAT (USA)
  • Available as EPUB and PDF
  • Read on any device
  • Instant download
  • Own it forever
Hardcover Book
USD 379.99
Price excludes VAT (USA)
  • Durable hardcover edition
  • Dispatched in 3 to 5 business days
  • Free shipping worldwide - see info

Tax calculation will be finalised at checkout

Purchases are for personal use only

Institutional subscriptions

References

  • Adamopoulou, E. (2013). New facts on infidelity. Economics Letters,121, 458–462.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Alterovitz, S. S. R., & Mendelsohn, G. A. (2009). Partner preferences across the lifespan: Online dating by older adults. Psychology and Aging,24, 513–517.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Bancroft, J., Loftus, J., & Long, J. S. (2003). Distress about sex: A national survey of women in heterosexual relationships. Archives of Sexual Behavior,32, 193–208.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Brewer, G., Abell, L., & Lyons, M. (2016). Machiavellianism, pretending orgasm, and sexual intimacy. Personality and Individual Differences,96, 155–158.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Brewer, G., & Hendrie, C. A. (2011). Evidence to suggest that copulatory vocalizations in women are not a reflexive consequence of orgasm. Archives of Sexual Behavior,40, 559–564.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Brewer, G., & Riley, C. (2009). Height, relationship satisfaction, jealousy, and mate retention. Evolutionary Psychology,7, 477–489.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Brym, R. J., & Lenton, R. L. (2001). Love online: A report on digital dating in Canada. Retrieved December 21, 2016, from http://modernloveonline.com/wp-content/uploads/loveonline.pdf.

  • Buss, D. M., Larsen, R. J., Westen, D., & Semmelroth, J. (1992). Sex differences in jealousy: Evolution, physiology, and psychology. Psychological Science,3, 251–255.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Buss, D. M., & Schmitt, D. P. (1993). Sexual strategies theory: An evolutionary perspective on human mating. Psychological Review,100, 204–232.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Clark, R. D., & Hatfield, E. (1989). Gender differences in receptivity to sexual offers. Journal of Psychology and Human Sexuality,2, 39–55.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Cochran, S. D., & Mays, V. M. (1990). Sex, lies and HIV. New England Journal of Medicine,332, 774–775.

    Google Scholar 

  • Cooper, E. B., Conner, B. T., & Fauber, R. L. (2010). Motivations for faking orgasm as predictors of sexual functioning and satisfaction. Paper Session Presented at the LGBT Special Interest Group Sponsored Symposium at the Meeting of the Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies, San Diego, CA.

    Google Scholar 

  • Darling, C. A., & Davidson, J. (1986). Enhancing relationships: Understanding the feminine mystique of pretending orgasm. Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy,12, 182–196.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Delevi, R., & Weisskirch, R. S. (2013). Personality factors as predictors of sexting. Computers in Human Behavior,29, 2589–2594.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Desiderato, L. L., & Crawford, H. J. (1995). Risky sexual behavior in college students: Relationships between number of sexual partners, disclosure of previous risky behaviour, and alcohol use. Journal of Youth and Adolescence,24, 55–68.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Dimoulas, E., Wender, S., Keenan, J. P., Gallup, G., & Goulet, N. (1998). Patterns of deception in human mating strategy. Journal of Psychology and the Behavioural Sciences,12, 38–42.

    Google Scholar 

  • Docan-Morgan, T., & Docan, C. A. (2007). Internet infidelity: Double standards and the differing views of women and men. Communication Quarterly,55, 317–342.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Drouin, M., Tobin, E., & Wygant, K. (2014). “Love the way you lie”: Sexting deception in romantic relationships. Computers in Human Behavior,35, 542–547.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Edlund, J. E., & Sagarin, B. J. (2017). Chapter five—Sex differences in jealousy: A 23-year retrospective. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology,55, 259–302.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Ellison, N., Heino, R., & Gibbs, J. (2006). Managing impressions online: Self-presentation processes in the online dating environment. Journal of Computer-Mediated Communication,11, 415–441.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Ellsworth, R. M., & Bailey, D. H. (2013). Human female orgasm as an evolved signal: A test of two hypotheses. Archives of Sexual Behavior,42, 1545–1554.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Fales, M. R., Frederick, D. A., Garcia, J. R., Gildersleeve, K. A., Haselton, M. G., & Fisher, H. E. (2016). Mating markets and bargaining hands: Mate preferences for attractiveness and resources in two national U.S. studies. Personality and Individual Differences,88, 78–87.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Fletcher, G. J. O., Kerr, P. S. G., Li, N. P., & Valentine, K. A. (2014). Predicting romantic interest and decisions in the very early stages of mate selection: Standards, accuracy, and sex differences. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin,40, 540–550.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Gibbs, J. L., Ellison, N. B., & Heino, R. D. (2006). Self-presentation in online personals: The role of anticipated future interaction, self-disclosure, and perceived success in Internet dating. Communication Research,33, 152–177.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Hald, G. M., & Høgh-Olesen, H. (2010). Receptivity to sexual invitations from strangers of the opposite gender. Evolution and Human Behavior,31, 453–458.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Hancock, J. T., & Toma, C. L. (2009). Putting your best face forward: The accuracy of online dating photographs. Journal of Communication,59, 367–386.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Haselton, M. G., Buss, D. M., Oubaid, V., & Angleitner, A. (2005). Sex, lies, and strategic interference: The psychology of deception between the sexes. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin,31, 3–23.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Hendrie, C. A., Brewer, G., Lewis, H., & Mills, F. (2014). Contemporary and historical evidence to suggest that women’s preference for age at birth of first child remains consistent across time. Archives of Sexual Behavior,43, 1373–1378.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Hitsch, G. J., Hortacsu, A., & Ariely, D. (2009). What makes you click: An empirical analysis of online dating (Unpublished manuscript). University of Chicago.

    Google Scholar 

  • Jenkins, T. G., Aston, K. I., Pflueger, C., Cairns, B. R., & Carrell, D. T. (2014). Age-associated sperm DNA methylation alterations: Possible implications in offspring disease susceptibility. PLoS Genetics,10, e1004458.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Johnson, A. K., Barnacz, A., Constantino, P., Triano, J., Shackelford, T. K., & Keenan, J. P. (2004). Female deception detection as a function of commitment and self-awareness. Personality and Individual Differences,37, 1417–1424.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Kaighobadi, F., Shackelford, T. K., & Weekes-Shackelford, V. A. (2012). Do women pretend orgasm to retain a mate? Archives of Sexual Behavior,41, 1121–1125.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Kamble, S., Shackelford, T. K., Pham, M., & Buss, D. M. (2014). Indian mate preferences: Continuity, sex differences, and cultural change across a quarter of a century. Personality and Individual Differences,70, 150–155.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Keenan, J. P., Gallup, G., & Falk, D. (2003). The face in the mirror. New York: HarperCollins.

    Google Scholar 

  • Keenan, J. P., Gallup, G. G., Goulet, N., & Kulkarni, M. (1997). Attributions of deception in human mating strategies. Journal of Social Behavior and Personality,12, 45–52.

    Google Scholar 

  • Knox, D., Schacht, C., Holt, J., & Turner, J. (1993). Sexual lies among university students. College Student Journal,27, 269–272.

    Google Scholar 

  • Kuhle, B. X., Smedley, K. D., & Schmitt, D. P. (2009). Sex differences in the motivation and mitigation of jealousy-induced interrogations. Personality and Individual Differences,46, 499–502.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Lewandowski, G. W., & Ackerman, R. A. (2006). Something’s missing: Need fulfilment and self-expansion as predictors of susceptibility to infidelity. The Journal of Social Psychology,146, 389–403.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Lloyd, E. A. (2005). The case of the female orgasm: Bias in the science of evolution. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Lo, S. K., Hsieh, A. Y., & Chiu, Y. P. (2013). Contradictory deceptive behavior in online dating. Computers in Human Behavior,29, 1755–1762.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Lucchetti, A. E. (1999). Deception in disclosing one’s sexual history: Safe-sex avoidance or ignorance? Communication Quarterly,47, 300–314.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • McCoy, M. G., Welling, L. M., & Shackelford, T. K. (2014). Development and initial psychometric assessment of the reasons for pretending orgasm inventory. Evolutionary Psychology,13, 129–139.

    Google Scholar 

  • McKibben, W. F., Bates, V. M., Shackelford, T. K., Hafen, C. A., & LaMunyon, C. W. (2010). Risk of sperm competition moderates the relationship between men’s satisfaction with their partner and men’s interest in their partner’s copulatory orgasm. Personality and Individual Differences,49, 961–966.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Mialon, H. M. (2012). The economics of faking ecstasy. Economic Inquiry,50, 277–285.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Muehlenhard, C. L., & Shippee, S. K. (2010). Men’s and women’s reports of pretending orgasm. Journal of Sex Research,46, 552–567.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Pawlowski, B., & Dunbar, R. I. M. (1999). Withholding age as a putative deception in mate search tactics. Evolution and Human Behavior,20, 53–69.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Peterson, A., Carmen, R., & Gehr, G. (2013). Ovulatory shifts in mating intelligence. Journal of Social, Evolutionary, and Cultural Psychology,7, 66–75.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Pew Research Center. (2016). 15% of American adults have used online dating sites or mobile dating apps. Retrieved from http://www.pewinternet.org/2016/02/11/15-percent-of-american-adults-have-used-online-dating-sites-or-mobile-dating-apps/.

  • Rochadiat, A. M., Tong, S. T., & Novak, J. M. (2017). Online dating and courtship among Muslim American women: Negotiating technology, religious identity, and culture. New Media & Society, 20(4), 1618–1639. https://doi.org/10.1177/1461444817702396.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Sagarin, B. J., Becker, D. V., Guadagno, R. E., Nicastle, L. D., & Millevoi, A. (2003). Sex differences (and similarities) in jealousy: The moderating influence of infidelity experience and sexual orientation of the infidelity. Evolution and Human Behavior,24, 17–23.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Schmitt, D. P., & International Sexuality Description Project. (2003). Universal sex differences in the desire for sexual variety: Tests from 52 nations, 6 continents, and 13 islands. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology,85, 85–104.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Sedgewick, J. R., Flath, M. E., & Elias, L. J. (2017). Presenting your best self(ie): The influence of gender on vertical orientation of selfies on Tinder. Frontiers in Psychology, 8, 604.

    Google Scholar 

  • Shackelford, T. K., Leblanc, G. J., & Drass, E. (2000). Emotional reactions to infidelity. Cognition and Emotion,14, 643–659.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Singh, D. (2002). Female mate value at a glance: Relationship of waist-to-hip ratio to health, fecundity and attractiveness. Neuroendocrinology Letters,23, 81–91.

    Google Scholar 

  • Stebleton, M. J., & Rothenberger, J. H. (1993). Truth or consequences: Dishonesty in dating and HIV/AIDS-related issues in a college-age population. Journal of American College Health,42, 51–54.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Steiger, S., Eichinger, T., & Honeder, B. (2009). Can mate choice strategies explain sex differences? The deceived persons’ feelings in reaction to revealed online deception of sex, age, and appearance. Social Psychology,40, 16–25.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Steiner, A. E. (1981). Pretending orgasm by men and women: An aspect of communication in relationships (Unpublished doctoral dissertation). California School of Professional Psychology, Berkeley, CA.

    Google Scholar 

  • Thornhill, R., Gangestad, S. W., & Comer, R. (1995). Human female orgasm and mate fluctuating asymmetry. Animal Behaviour,50, 1601–1615.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Toma, C. L., & Hancock, J. T. (2010). Looks and lies: The role of physical attractiveness in online dating self-presentation and deception. Communication Research,37, 335–351.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Toma, C. L., & Hancock, J. T. (2012). What lies beneath: The linguistic traces of deception in online dating profiles. Journal of Communication,62, 78–97.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Toma, C. L., Hancock, J. T., & Ellison, N. B. (2008). Separating fact from fiction: An examination of deceptive self-presentation in online dating profiles. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin,34, 1023–1036.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Trivers, R. L. (1972). Parental investment and sexual selection. In B. Campbell (Ed.), Sexual selection and the descent of man (pp. 136–179). Chicago: Aldine.

    Google Scholar 

  • Ward, J. (2017). What are you doing on Tinder? Impression management on a matchmaking mobile app. Information, Communication & Society,20, 1644–1659.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Waynforth, D., & Dunbar, R. I. M. (1995). Conditional mate choice strategies in humans: Evidence from lonely hearts’ advertisements. Behaviour,132, 755–779.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Whitty, M. T. (2002). Liar, liar! An examination of how open, supportive, and honest people are in chat rooms. Computers in Human Behavior,18, 343–352.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Wiederman, M. W. (1997). Pretending orgasm during sexual intercourse: Correlates in a sample of young adult women. Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy,23, 131–139.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Williams, S. S. (2001). Sexual lying among college students in close and casual relationships. Journal of Applied Social Psychology,31, 2322–2338.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Zilbergeld, B. (1999). The new male sexuality. New York: Bantam.

    Google Scholar 

Download references

Author information

Authors and Affiliations

  1. University of Liverpool, Liverpool, UK

    Gayle Brewer

Authors
  1. Gayle Brewer
    View author publications

    You can also search for this author in PubMed Google Scholar

Corresponding author

Correspondence to Gayle Brewer .

Editor information

Editors and Affiliations

  1. Department of Communication Studies, University of Wisconsin-La Crosse, La Crosse, WI, USA

    Tony Docan-Morgan

Rights and permissions

Reprints and permissions

Copyright information

© 2019 The Author(s)

About this chapter

Check for updates. Verify currency and authenticity via CrossMark

Cite this chapter

Brewer, G. (2019). Deceiving for and During Sex. In: Docan-Morgan, T. (eds) The Palgrave Handbook of Deceptive Communication. Palgrave Macmillan, Cham. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-96334-1_29

Download citation

Publish with us

Policies and ethics

Search

Navigation