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One of the signature tunes in the famous musical Cabaret is “Money,” which “makes the world go around.” In their burlesque and mocking duet, the singers create the illusion that with money, everything is possible. And they are not alone in this magical thinking. All of us have irrational, magical ideas about what money can do for us, and for others. How many times have you had that “If I won the lottery…” conversation? Clearly, with money, we increase our options. With money, we have a greater freedom of choice. Doors that would previously have been closed might suddenly open up.

Money is one of the strongest drivers in human life, and, from a symbolic point of view, it is also a remarkable human invention. Money is a way of commoditizing human labor in a form that can be stored indefinitely and transferred easily to others in exchange for goods or services. Not only does money symbolize economic security, it also represents status, power, love, joy, and more. It is a very versatile resource. Many people use money as a way of keeping score in the game of life. They seem to participate in a winners and losers race whose purpose is the amount of money they make. Those who have lots of money are considered ahead of the game.

Although few people believe that money can buy happiness, many imagine that more money would make them a little happier. Pointedly, they argue that it is better to be miserable and rich than to be miserable and poor – money may not buy you happiness, but it could create a more pleasant form of misery. Unfortunately, and all too often, money comes with a greater price than its face value. When the acquisition and control of money becomes the primary focus, it can contribute to a range of personal and interpersonal problems, including anxiety, depression, paranoia, impotence, impulse spending, gambling, social isolation, suicide, and even murder. Furthermore, the insatiable pursuit of money can turn a decent person into a very unpleasant one. To quote the novelist D. H. Lawrence, “Money poisons you when you’ve got it, and starves you when you haven’t.”

The saying goes that you aren’t really rich until you have something money can’t buy. People obsessed by money tend to forget that they cannot buy happiness, feelings of togetherness, kindness, and all the other more intangible things of life. A Chinese proverb tells us that money can buy you a house but cannot make it a home. Although money can provide access to the best things in life, it can also reduce your ability to enjoy the mundane joys of everyday life.

Paolo, an executive I knew, had a very humble beginning. Through hard work and luck, he became fabulously rich. Unfortunately, after having become wealthy, he changed – and not for the better. Having money seemed to reveal what he was really all about. Money influenced his thoughts and behavior in ways that he was not even aware of and brought with it an increasingly grandiose self-image. Paolo believed that having money gave him the legitimacy to do whatever he wanted. His thoughts and actions toward others changed. Life became a zero-sum-game with winners and losers. Instead of assessing the people he met in terms of their qualities, he classified them according to their wealth. Those with very little money were quickly categorized as total losers. His obsession with money led him to ruthlessly shortchange others, in order to add to his already sizable fortune. It seemed to me that Paolo’s rise in fortune corresponded with an equal precipitate descent into the social pitfalls of wealth – such as lack of compassion and empathy, increasing social isolation, and the deterioration of his ethics. Paolo’s wealth transformed him from a humble man to one who was arrogant, disruptive, abusive, and openly condescending toward those he viewed as inferior.

Paolo’s pursuit of money turned into an addiction: the more money he made, the better he seemed to feel about himself. Some neuroscientists, observing people like Paolo, have suggested that there may be an association between making money and the activation of specific regions of the brain (the sphere where dopamine resides). Dopamine is evolution’s motivational reward for doing something that helps us survive, like getting food or reproducing. For Paolo, like other money-obsessed individuals, making money seemed to have a similar effect on his neural circuits, creating a surge of dopamine, resulting in temporary highs. In the longer term, the transient good feelings related to money had negative consequences, however, harming his psychological and physical well-being. His constant striving for wealth and material possessions made him increasingly unhappy. Money issues became a key driver for his divorce and led to estrangement from his children. Eventually, Paolo found himself alone in his large estate, abandoned by the people who had been close to him, and surrounded by servants – a modern Citizen Kane, exemplifying the tragedy of wealth and egotism.

The Psychodynamics of Money

Like other addictive behavior patterns , money disorders are actually symptoms of unfinished business rooted in a troubled past. These unresolved issues manifest themselves as persistent, predictable, often rigid patterns of self-destructive money-oriented behaviors that cause stress, anxiety, interpersonal difficulties, and impairment in major areas of life. Money is recognized as a major source of conflict between couples and within families. It is also one of the most common triggers of divorce and estrangement.

If someone has distorted beliefs about money, whether this takes the form of overspending, underspending, hoarding, serial borrowing, or gambling, we must look back to their early years and explore what money meant in the lives of their parents. How did their parents’ behavior influence their life? The attitudes our parents had toward money is highly likely to shape our way of thinking about it. In our inner theater, we all follow a script about money based on what we have observed and were taught in childhood. These early messages influence the attitudes, perceptions and expectations that determine how we deal with money throughout our lives. Money becomes a way of revealing aspects of our inner world through our outer world of possessions and lifestyle.

If concerns about money become problematic, there are a number of questions we should ask ourselves. Did our parents fight about money? Did they use money as a form of control? Or was giving money a way of showing love? If we look deep inside ourselves, does thinking about money summon feelings of worry, guilt, anger, sadness, power, love, or joy? Depending on the responses to these questions, money, and all the things that can be done with money, turns into a measure of self-worth and identity. In contrast, the lack of money contributes to feelings of powerlessness.

The power and meaning we give to our money very much determines how we live our lives. Our ability to integrate our emotional life with material possessions reflects how well we bring our values, beliefs, and desires into our world. But while doing so, it is important to remind ourselves that the most beautiful things in life are not associated with money; they consist of good memories and moments. If we don’t value these, they can easily pass us by. Thus, we would do well to remember that money can’t buy intangible things like time, happiness, inner peace, integrity, love, character, health, respect, morals, trust, and dignity. Far too often, making money prevents people from creating a truly enriching life. It is also a truism to say that wealth does not consist of having great possessions, but of having few wants. As Gautama Buddha said, “You can only lose what you cling to.”

Here’s a Zen story that illustrates how money can affect people. A Zen master was deep in prayer when a thief entered his house. Threatening him with a sword, the thief demanded, “Your money or your life.” To his surprise, the Zen master responded, “Please don’t disturb me – you can see I’m busy praying. Just help yourself to the money in that drawer.” And with that the monk resumed his prayers. As the thief was emptying the drawer, the Zen master stopped praying briefly and called out, “Please leave some money because I have to pay some bills tomorrow.” The thief obligingly put some back. As the thief was getting ready to leave, the Zen master called out, “Aren’t you going to thank me for the money I’ve given you?” “Thank you,” said the thief, and left, now thoroughly confused by the Zen master’s behavior.

A few days later, the thief was caught by the police, and confessed to many robberies, including his theft from the Zen master. When the police asked the Zen master to tell his side of the story, he said, “Nothing was stolen. I gave him the money, and he even thanked me for it.”

The thief couldn’t believe his ears. The unexpected response from his victim made him repent. When he was released from jail, he went to see the Zen master and asked him to accept him as his disciple. He had come to realize that life was about far more than the pursuit of material wealth.