Abstract
This chapter examines the notion of magēma kenek, an idea akin to someone of my own. The chapter illustrates that stability in the form of certainty was a key requirement of serious love relationships, which my interlocutors deemed as ‘serious relationships’. The supposition was that life is full of contingencies and that certainty in itself is a contingency. My interlocutors chose to navigate life’s managing uncertainty by making it liveable through exclaiming a sense of direction—a couple relationship that would lead to marriage. They were hoping effectively by interjecting their couple relationships with palpability through a long-drawn process of building a ‘serious relationship’ to which trust becomes integral.
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Notes
- 1.
Æmberella is a tropical fruit, which is eaten raw as well as cooked as a curry or made into chutney.
- 2.
It could be argued that, it is that Hishani’s boyfriend still lived with his parents, where his mother played the primary role of the nurture giver and if Hishani and her boyfriend shared residence, it may be that Hishani would become the nurture giver, as it is what is expected of her.
- 3.
At times, I could not help but wonder why my interlocutors trusted me with their stories, for they did not know me. Later, I realised that, trust indeed takes different forms in different relationships and above all, attached to trust is also an assessment of potential for damage/compromise. Since I was not from their world, it might have been fine for them to let me in on some things about their lives. The cost of this is that this does not pave the way for lasting relationships. This explains why some of them did not seem too keen on keeping in touch, and looking back at the stories I was told, I realised that they were the ones who did not try to hold themselves back when sharing their stories.
- 4.
Instances such as these left me confused, for while they appeared as acts of love and care —he wants her to focus on her education—such instances were also illustrative examples for control and power their boyfriends exerted on my female interlocutors. To whatever extent possible, I have attempted to suppress my discomfort and give prominence to my interlocutors’ accounts.
- 5.
Dhananjaya’s admission brought to light a methodological challenge I failed to overcome in the research as my line of questioning ended up urging Dhananjaya to reflect and intellectualise his emotional life.
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Sirisena, M. (2018). Magēma kenek: On Future and Certainty. In: The Making and Meaning of Relationships in Sri Lanka. Culture, Mind, and Society. Palgrave Macmillan, Cham. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-76336-1_8
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