Humans are prewired to experience internal tension and conflict. Being the complex beings we are, we often find ourselves overtaken with emotions, thoughts, desires, and urges, each pulling and pushing us in different directions. To move from internal disarray to actionable behavior, and conduct our lives with some purpose and perhaps a flicker of grace, we need to make a never-ending stream of decisions. These decisions govern every aspect of our lives, whether small or large, mundane or life changing, at home or at work. In fact, one could say that the person you are at this very moment, and the precise circumstances of your life are the sum total of all the decisions you have made to date. In other words, we are the sum of our decisions. Therefore, how well we make these decisions, matters. How deeply we understand what we really want, how wisely we choose, and how astutely we expand our options, profoundly affects the quality of our lives and consequently the lives of those around us. In this chapter, I will offer a novel approach by which to better understand our dilemmas and inner conflicts, and present a four-step method that is designed to guide people towards a mindful decision making process that effectively resolves dilemmas in a way that supports well-being and flourishing.
- Internal Negotiation
- Negotiation Strategy
- Decision Integration
- Good Dialogue
- Negotiation Space
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The self is by definition always a complexio oppositorum [collection of opposites] (Jung, 1970, p. 716)
Dumbeldoor: It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities. (J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets)
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Note that NSM is designed to address and resolve conflicts that originate from tangible real-life situations, and not general or philosophical conflicts, such as a conflict between ‘work and family’, or between ‘security and self-fulfillment’.
It is also possible to define the conflict in “for” and “for” terms. For instance, “for quitting my job as paramedic” and “for continuing my job as a paramedic”.
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Nir, D. (2016). Becoming the Leader of Your Decisions. In: Hermans, H. (eds) Assessing and Stimulating a Dialogical Self in Groups, Teams, Cultures, and Organizations. Springer, Cham. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-32482-1_1
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