Networking: Successful Informal Meetings

Abstract

This chapter focuses on typical ways that Anglos introduce themselves and set up meetings. You will learn how to:

• introduce yourself face to face in a variety of situations

• walk up to a complete stranger and ask to arrange a meeting

• set up and conduct informal meetings with key people

• ensure the best possible outcome of the meeting

• follow up on the meeting

These keywords were added by machine and not by the authors. This process is experimental and the keywords may be updated as the learning algorithm improves.

FormalPara Factoids

• The word protocol refers to a set of rules governing how communication should take place (e.g., behavior at a conference). Originally, in ancient Greece, it referred to a piece of paper that was glued onto a manuscript in order to identify the author. Similarly, etiquette (i.e., acceptable rules for social behavior) had its origins in the French custom of giving a little ticket to those who attended public ceremonies. This ticket gave attendees instructions on how to behave during the ceremony.

• A study reported in How to prepare, stage, and deliver winning presentations by Thomas Leech was undertaken to determine how executives, professional-society leaders, and university professors viewed the relative importance of the various subjects studied at university. All typical technical skills were ranked after communication skills in importance.

• In an essay entitled How to Listen to Other People, S.I. Hayakawa, the Canadian-born American academic and politician of Japanese ancestry, wrote that "listening does not mean simply maintaining a polite silence while you are rehearsing in your mind the speech you are going to make the next time you can grab a conversational opening. Nor does listening mean waiting alertly for the flaws in the other fellow’s arguments so that later you can mow him down. Listening means trying to see the problem the way the speaker sees it".

• Over 80% of the outcome of a meeting is already decided before the meeting actually happens.

• A survey of the way meetings are conducted revealed that the main causes of ineffectiveness were (in order of negative impact): deviating from topic of meeting, insufficient preparation by participants, attendees talking too much or too little, length of the meeting.

• The Greek-speaking Stoic philosopher Epictetus is reputed to have said: "We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak".

17.1 What's the buzz?

• 1) Imagine you have set up a meeting with a professor from a foreign institute who you hope might be interested in offering you an internship at his / her department. You have already communicated via email and have briefly explained who you are and what you would like to do. Now you are face to face having a coffee at the conference bar. Write a dialog between you and him / her in which you introduce yourself and explain your proposal for carrying out research at his / her department.

• 2) Re-read what you wrote in Exercise 1 and answer the questions.

  • Who speaks the most, you or the prof? Might it be better if you spoke a little less at the beginning? Is it important in such situations to have a balanced conversation?

  • Have you highlighted the benefits just for yourself or have you also explained why the professor would also benefit from your proposals? Is it important to balance the benefits between the two parties?

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Research shows that three factors determine a successful career: performance 10%, image and personal style 30%, and exposure and visibility 60%. The more visible you are as a researcher, the more likely you are to find interesting and remunerative research positions. If you use a conference as an opportunity to introduce yourself to as many people as possible, you will help to widen your opportunities for new collaborations. However, merely introducing yourself is not sufficient. You also need to create a good first impression on your interlocutors and engage with them in small talk.

Peter Honey, chartered psychologist and creator of Honey & Mumford Learning Styles Questionnaire, says:

So far as other people are concerned, you are your behavior. Although there are other things which go towards making you the person you are—your thoughts, feelings, attitudes, motives, beliefs and so on—your behavior is apparent to everyone.

This chapter focuses on typical ways that Anglos introduce themselves and set up meetings. I am not suggesting that this is the best way to conduct such activities, but simply that this would be the norm if you were visiting countries where English is spoken as the first language.

You will learn how to:

• introduce yourself face to face in a variety of situations

• walk up to a complete stranger and ask to arrange a meeting

• set up and conduct informal meetings with key people

• ensure the best possible outcome of the meeting

• follow up on the meeting

17.2 Decide in advance which key people you want to meet

People do not go to conferences just to watch presentations. One of the primary reasons is networking, that is, finding people with whom you can set up collaborations or who can give you useful feedback on your work. Networking is much simpler if you have a clear idea in advance of who you would like to meet (hereafter “your key person”). A simple way to do this is to

• look at the conference program and find the names of key persons

• find information about them from their personal pages on their institute’s website

• find a photograph of them so you will be able to identify them in a room from a distance

Then you need to prepare questions in English that you wish to ask them.

You should also predict how they might answer your questions. This will increase your chances of understanding their answers and will also enable you to think of follow-up questions.

17.3 Email your key person in advance of the conference

You will massively increase your chances of having a conversation with your key person if you email them before the conference to say that you would be interested in meeting them. Here is an example:

Subject: XYZ Conference: meeting to discuss ABC

Dear Professor Jones

I see from the program for the XYZ Conference that you will be giving a presentation on ABC. I am a researcher at The Institute and I am working in a very similar field. There seems to be a lot of overlap between our work and I think you might find my data useful for … I was wondering if you might be able to spare 10 minutes of your time to answer a few questions.

There is a social dinner on the second night - perhaps we could meet 15 minutes before it begins, or of course any other time that might suit you.

I look forward to hearing from you.

The structure is as follows:

• 1. say how you know about the key person (i.e., they are attending the same conference as you)

• 2. briefly describe what you do

• 3. show how what you do relates to what they do

• 4. indicate how long the meeting might last (keep it as short as possible)

• 5. suggest a possible meeting place and time, but show flexibility

Of course, there is no guarantee they will even open your email, but if they do you will have created an opportunity for a meeting. Such an email requires minimal effort. It also helps to avoid the embarrassment of having to walk up to a complete stranger and introducing yourself in English.

17.4 Consider telephoning your key person in advance of the conference, rather than emailing

In an era in which many people communicate via email or various phone messaging systems and apps, you can gain a lot of attention by adopting a traditional means of communication: a phone call!

By making a phone call you massively increase your chances of meeting someone, especially given that they may never read your email, or read it too late.

Professor Susan Barnes at the Lab for Social Computing, Rochester Institute of Technology, wrote to me confirming that email is not necessarily the best way to initiate communication with someone you don't know:

If you have something important to say to someone with whom you have never previously had contact, then use the phone rather than email. Through an initial phone call people become real to each other. This sets up a positive relationship which can then be continued via email. On the other hand, a rushed email may contain errors and create the wrong first impression. People pay more attention to a phone call than they do to email. Future communication will be more successful, if you start the relationship in a positive manner.

The level of success of your phone call can be enhanced considerably if you have a very clear idea of what you want to say before you actually make the call. Write down some notes about what you want to say, and then make sure you know how to say everything in English.

You should also find out as much as possible about the person who you want to talk to. What level of formality will you have to use? What is their level of English? Are they a native speaker? Have any of your colleagues spoken to this person? What can you learn from their experience: for example, does this person have a reputation for speaking very fast? If so, you need to learn appropriate phrases for encouraging them to slow down.

Think about what the other person might ask you, and prepare answers to such questions. If you do so, you are more likely to be able to understand the question when it is asked.

Give that this would be a very important call for you, you may find it useful if you simulate the call with a colleague, and ask the colleague to ask you pertinent questions.

If you take notes during the call, it will help you to paraphrase what the other person has said so that you can check your understanding. Obviously, notes will also help you to remember what was said and this will be useful if you decide to send your interlocutor an email summarizing the call.

At the end of the call, in order to check that you have not missed anything, make a mini summary of what has been said. This gives your interlocutor an opportunity to clarify any points. You can say:

Can I just check that I have got everything? So we have decided to meet at the end of the first session on the second day. We will meet at the coffee bar near the main entrance. We will both remember to wear our name badges. Thanks very much. I am really looking forward to meeting you.

17.5 Think of how the meeting could be beneficial not only to you but also to your key person

Although we sometimes do things purely for altruistic reasons, we are generally more motivated to help people if it seems that there might also be some benefit for us. It is thus a good idea to think of how a collaboration with you could benefit your key person—what knowledge do you have that would be useful for them, what part of their research could you do on their behalf, what contacts do you have that might be useful for them too?

17.6 Find out as much as you can about your key person, but be discreet

If you think that the meeting you have arranged could help you significantly in your career, then you need to do everything you can to ensure a successful outcome. Find out everything you can about the person—read their papers, find them on LinkedIn or Facebook, locate their personal website, or find about their academic achievements on their department’s website. Find out what is important for them and what they are interested in aside from their research work. Look for things that you might have in common.

I read in one of your papers that …

I was looking at your profile on your university’s website and saw that …

Diego mentioned that you are doing some research into …

Most people will be flattered that you have taken the time to read their papers or looked at their work profile. However, although most people will not mind if you have investigated a little about their professional life, they may find it creepy (i.e., weird and disturbing) if you have been looking at their holiday photos on Facebook and know all about their hobbies. So be extremely careful how you refer to the things that you have learned about the person.

You can make your meeting much more beneficial if you determine to find any person that you meet interesting. This will make you more animated and thus appear more interesting to your interlocutor. You will also be less distracted as you will be focusing totally on the other person.

During the conversation restate and / or summarize the key points to check that you have understood. This is also a way to keep your mind alert and at the same time proves your appreciation of your interlocutor’s remarks.

17.7 Encourage your key person to come to your presentation or poster session

The more people who come to your presentation, the more people are likely to come up to you directly (or contact you via email) to discuss your work. To increase your chances of people coming, particularly your key person, you can do some self-publicity. To everyone you meet at the social events, at the bar, at the coffee machine, or wherever, you can say:

I am doing a presentation on X tomorrow at 10.00 in Conference Room number 2. It would be great if you could come.

If you are interested in X, then you might like to come to my presentation tomorrow. It’s at 11.00 in Room 13.

I don’t know you would be interested, but this afternoon I am presenting my work on X. It’s at three o’clock in the main conference hall.

Then you give the person your card, with a previously handwritten reminder on the back of the card stating the topic of the presentation, the time, and the location.

17.8 Exploit opportunities for introductions at the coffee machine

If your key person is alone by the coffee machine, this is a great opportunity as you will hopefully get their undivided attention.

First you need to attract the key person’s attention. Here are some phrases you could use:

Excuse me. I heard you speak in the round table / I saw your presentation this morning.

Hi, do you have a couple of minutes for some questions?

Excuse me, could I just have a word with you? I am from …

I am X from the University of Y, do you think I could ask you a couple of questions?

Second, it is generally a good idea to say something positive about the person and / or their work:

I really enjoyed your presentation this morning—it was certainly the most useful of today’s sessions.

I thought what you said at the round table discussion was really useful.

Third, suggest you move to somewhere where you can sit.

Thank you, shall we go and sit in the bar?

Shall we go and sit over there where it is a bit quieter?

If you see that they are in a hurry, then it is best to arrange to meet later. Show that you understand that the person is busy and that you don’t want to take up much of their time. In fact, tell them the exact amount of time involved, this is more likely to get them to accept.

Would after lunch suit you?

Shall we meet at the bar?

When do you think you might be free? When would suit you?

Would tonight after the last session be any good for you?

Could you manage 8.45 tomorrow? That would give us about 10 minutes before the morning session starts.

I promise I won’t take any more than 10 minutes of your time.

If they agree to your proposal, then you can say:

That would be great / perfect.

That’s very kind of you.

17.9 Be prepared for what to say if your proposal for a meeting is not accepted

If they don’t agree to your proposal, then you can say:

Oh, I understand, don’t worry it’s not a problem.

That’s fine. No problem. Enjoy the rest of the conference.

OK I have really enjoyed speaking to you in any case.

In any case, maybe I could email you the questions? Would that be alright?

17.10 Prepare well for any informal one-to-one meetings

Your meeting will be far more beneficial if both parties prepare for it. It is a good idea to let the person know in advance exactly what information you need. For this reason, setting up meetings for the following day is a good tactic as it gives the other person time to think about the answers. In such cases you can say:

Would you mind giving me your email address, so that I can email you my questions?

I have prepared a list of three questions that I would like to ask you—they are here on this sheet. If perhaps you could take a look at them before we meet, that would be great.

Having questions prepared indicates that you are a serious person who is not going waste the person’s time.

17.11 Be positive throughout informal one-to-one meetings

The outcome of an informal meeting often depends on how well it begins. If your key person is late for the meeting, reassure them that it is not a problem:

Don’t worry, I am very grateful you could come.

No problem, it doesn’t matter.

Can I get you a coffee?

If you are late:

I am so sorry I am late—I got held up paying my bill—have you been waiting long?

First, acknowledge that you are grateful that the person has found the time to meet with you.

First of all, it is very kind of you to come.

Thank you so much for coming. I really appreciate it.

Did you have time to have a look at the questions I sent you?

Ensure that you only make positive comments about the conference, its location, and its organization. People respond much better to positive-thinking people and are more likely to listen to them and consequently to consider future collaborations. So avoid negative comments such as:

Last year’s edition of this conference was much better don’t you think?

I have been so bored by some of the presentations.

I have been surprised by the total lack of any decent social events.

Instead, find something positive to say:

I really enjoyed the first presentation yesterday.

The trip to the museum was very interesting I thought.

I am enjoying trying out all the local food.

There is always a chance that the person provides you with no useful information at all. Nevertheless, it is always best to show interest and take a few notes.

Give your key person time to express themselves, but be sure you respect the timeframe that you arranged, and then conclude by saying:

OK, I don’t want to keep you any longer.

Well, I don’t want to take up any more of your time.

Well I think we’ve covered all the questions … but would it be OK if I email you if I need any further clarifications?

Well, it was really kind of you to spare your time / of you to come

What you said has been really interesting and useful, thank you.

I am sure there are other people you will be wanting to meet.

17.12 A verbal exchange is like a game of ping pong: always give your interlocutor an opportunity to speak

It is fundamental never to dominate any verbal exchange, particularly if your interlocutor is someone who could potentially help you.

An exchange should be like a game of table tennis (ping pong). You speak for a few seconds, then you send the “ball” to the other person by finding a way to let him / her speak, then he / she speaks and passes the ball back to you.

Compare the following two dialogs, in which a researcher, Carlos, is interested in collaborating with an expert in neurolinguistics, Professor Jaganathan. Carlos hopes the professor might offer him a position in her laboratory.

Dialog 1

Carlos: Good morning Professor Jaganathan. I saw your presentation this morning and in my opinion it was very good. My name is Carlos Nascimento and I work at the Brazilian National Research Council. My field of interest is neurolinguistics applied to second language learning. Last year we began some experiments on blah blah blah blah … [talks continuously for another three minutes]. I believe our fields of interest have much in common. I was wondering if you might be available to discuss a possible collaboration together. Would you be free for dinner tonight, or tomorrow evening? It would be very useful for me if we could meet. And also …

Jaganathan: Um, sorry I am rather busy at the moment, could you send me an email?

Professor Jaganathan’s reaction may be to think that an evening with Carlos would be hard work. She would have to listen to the constant flow of Carlos’s incessant talking. The impression might be that Carlos is only interested in himself and that for him Professor Jaganathan is just a means to his end. Also, his comment about Professor Jaganathan’s presentation being “very good” sounds like he is the expert rather than her.

Carlos’s perspective may be very different. He may think that by talking in this manner he will be creating a good impression because it shows that he is confident.

Another possible reason for him talking so much is that he is nervous. When we are nervous we often talk a lot more and at a faster speed than we would normally do. This usually does not create a good impression on our listener.

Dialog 2

Carlos: Good morning Professor Jaganathan, my name is Carlos Nascimento. (1) Do you have a minute?

Jaganathan: Er, yes. But I have to be at a meeting in ten minutes.

Carlos: (2) Well, I promise I won’t take more than two minutes of your time. (3) I thought your presentation was really very interesting. (4) I am just curious to know how you set the last experiments up. It must have been quite challenging.

Jaganathan: You are right it was. In fact, we had to … and then we had to … and finally we …

Carlos: That’s really interesting. Well, my group in Rio did a very similar experiment, and I think our results and our project in general might be (5) very useful for you in terms of speeding up the test times.

Jaganathan: Really?

Carlos: So I was wondering if you might be free for a few minutes at the (6) social dinner tonight, or tomorrow evening? (7)

Jaganathan: Sure, that sounds great. Let’s make it tonight.

The second dialog is much more successful because Carlos

• 1. gives the professor an opportunity to say that she cannot speak now; this is also a sign of respect

• 2. tells her how much of her time he requires (i.e., two minutes)—this will reassure her that she will not miss her meeting

• 3. compliments her on her presentation in a way that makes him sound genuinely appreciative

• 4. asks her a question about her work and makes a supposition about the difficulties involved (challenging)—this gives her an opportunity to talk and also puts her at the center of attention rather than just him

• 5. gives a reason why she should be interested in talking with him.

• 6. does not ask her to have dinner alone with him but in the context of a social event—this means that she doesn’t feel any embarrassment or pressure

• 7. makes an arrangement without mentioning anything about a “collaboration” —Carlos will then delay mentioning a collaboration until he has given the professor enough valid reasons to be interested in such a collaboration

The result is that Professor Jaganathan is happy to meet with Carlos.

To be able to communicate in the way I have suggested in Dialog 2, you really need to practice beforehand. You need to think carefully about what you are going to say. But just as importantly you must think about how you can avoid dominating the exchange by finding ways to encourage your interlocutor to speak. Given the importance of such exchanges, I strongly recommend that you simulate the exchange with a colleague. Try it first in your own language, and then in English.

The same principles are also true when you say goodbye—either at the end of a conversation, or at the end of the conference itself. Again you play ping pong, as highlighted in the dialog below in which Carlos says goodbye to Professor Jaganathan on the last day of the conference.

Dialog 3

Carlos: Professor Jaganathan, I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed meeting you the other night. The food was great wasn’t it?

Jaganathan: Yes, it was really delicious and the location was great too.

Carlos: So, when I get back to Rio I will discuss what we said with my professor and then he will contact you. Is that still OK with you?

Jaganathan: Yes, of course.

Carlos: And finally can I just thank you again both for your presentation and particularly for finding the time to speak with me—I really appreciate it. Have a great trip back to Bombay.

Jaganathan: Thank you.

Of course, the professor doesn’t participate as much as Carlos in the exchange, but at least she feels she is being considered.

Again, if you simply improvise such exchanges, rather than preparing for them in advance, you may give a rather negative impression on your interlocutor.

Carlos also takes the opportunity to summarize what has been decided (I will discuss …). Making such summaries of important meetings is vital for both sides to ensure that there are no misunderstandings.

17.13 Ensure that you follow up on your meeting

One of the most important aspects of networking is to follow up on a face-to-face meeting. Many of the potential benefits of the meeting will be lost if you don’t take advantage of them by sending an email, such as the one below.

Dear Professor Kisunaite,

I am the student in Social Psychology from name of institute / country.

Thank you very much for sparing the time to meet with me last week. Your comments were particularly useful.

As I mentioned at our meeting, if by any chance a position arises in your laboratory I would be very grateful if you would consider me - my CV is attached.

I am also attaching a paper which I am currently writing that I think you will find of interest.

Once again, thank you for all your help and I do hope we will meet again in the near future.

Best regards

This email acts as a reminder to the professor of

• who you are

• what you discussed

• what decisions were reached and / or what offer was made