Never-Married Women in Pakistan

Abstract

After studying for some years in Manchester and coming back to my parent’s home in Pakistan, things seemed to be changing, as if I had been away for ages. As I stood in the courtyard and looked around, I saw an old woman standing with grey, flowing hair and shabby clothes. She looked like a ghost. Scared, I held onto my father, who stood beside me. He smiled and brought me forward towards her, saying, ‘Give my daughter your blessing. ‘Rubya, this is Khala (aunt) Quresha’. She laughed, her teeth coloured red from pan (betel leaf) becoming more noticeable as she moved towards me, looking worse than a ghost, and put her skinny hand, reluctantly, on my head (a traditional gesture of giving a blessing). Later, my mother explained that she is some remote family connection from my father’s side. ‘She is a “never-married”. Though she refused to be married, we still did our duty and prepared a patti (a big metal trunk) containing her jahez (dowry).’ She stayed with various family members and then suddenly disappeared. She was young when she disappeared. Nobody knew what happened to her; people believed she might be dead, and she suddenly returned. She was old and not in good shape. She never explained where she had been for so many years, and nobody asked. She started living in my parent’s home in a small mudroom in the corner of the courtyard, which was made to preserve hay for the cows and had become a favourite place for hens to lay eggs. Khala Quresha was in the mudroom day and night, summer and winter. I was told she was seldom seen out of it and refused to move into the house. She was offered food and occasionally pan (a betel leaf) with tambaku (tobacco), which was her favourite, and she expressed her gratitude profusely.