LGBTQ+ Parents’ Euphorias! Consistencies in LGBTQ+ parents’ Happiness & Comfort

Abstract

Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ+) parents’ rights were openly debated around marriage legislation movements. Religious schools can deny their families services. This chapter investigates 208 LGBTQ+ parents’ euphorias in their children’s schools. Under a third of them were euphoric and mostly always or often; gay or lesbian parents were more likely to experience euphorias and parents with disabilities were less likely. Institutional Inclusion, Category Validation, Pride Generativity, and Community Connection euphorias dominated. Most parents reported no changes to their euphorias. Change-trends included: (1) increased expectation for Institutional Inclusion euphoria; (2) steady growth in (Self-) Acceptance euphoria; (3) relationships and relationship views as a moderating factor; (4) learning and teaching euphorias; and (5) time as an enabling factor. Parent euphorias had stable and revolutionary qualities.

FormalPara Key Points:

• Under a third of LGBTQ+ parents experience education-based euphorias; the likelihood increased for gay and lesbian parents.

• The likelihood decreased for parents with disabilities or who were closeted.

• LGBTQ+ parents’ euphorias were relatively stable: almost four fifths experienced them always or often, and most reported no changes over time.

• Institutional Inclusion, Pride Generativity, and Community Connection euphorias all captured parents’ responsiveness to improved collective conditions for LGBTQ+ education communities.

• LGBTQ+ parents demanded more institutional inclusion over time and some built stable, subversive (Self-)Acceptance euphorias unhindered by external forces.

Introduction

The older I get, the more comfortable I am with myself, this may come with confidence, but also the visual representation that I am not alone, my sense of community and the support of those queer and straight around me (Sloane, Lesbian Cis-female, 46-55yrs, on her increased Acceptance euphoria at her child’s religious WA high-school).

Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer (LGBTQ+) parents (including guardians) have been structurally overlooked in familial constellations on education in-take forms, under-represented in family curricula and celebratory days, and legal familial exclusion targets for Australian religious schools [1,2,3]. Their rights have been questioned in harmful media debates around changes to Australian marriage legislation, from being idealised as ‘homo-normative’ wealthy coupled providers to being negated as harming children [4, 5]. This makes enrolling children into education settings, coming outness or changing relationship status (becoming single, divorcing, or dating) daunting prospects [4, 5]. This chapter reviews literature on LGBTQ+ parents in education to emphasise its reproachful lenses. It then particularises LGBTQ+ parents’ euphorias in education spaces—completing Chaps. 4-6 examinations of LGBTQ+ You project data.

Blaming LGBTQ+ Parents in Education Research

LGBTQ+ parents of children in education are portrayed in a mixture of ways in the dominant framings of research literature. Three movements in the literature were strongly negative. Firstly, anti-LGBTQ+ studies in the 1950s-1970s, questioned LGBTQ+ parents’ ability to offer healthy family environments for well-adjusted child development. Traditional psychological methods were used to align non-heterosexual identities with inherent mental disorders [6, 7]; ignoring contextual factors. LGBTQ+ parent and child development studies emerged in the 1970s-1980s+, exploring different aspects of psycho-social development of LGBTQ+ parented children. This literature could ‘blame’ LGBTQ+ parents for their children’s cognitive impairments, gender and sexual orientation confusion, social isolation and victimisation, or general maladjusted developmental trajectories based on assumptions of parent promiscuity and deviance [1]. Later research suggested the gender identity and norms of children of LGBTQ+ parents did not differ significantly from heterosexual parented children [8, 9]. From the 1990s, as a backlash to social and legislative change in favour of LGBTQ+ identities and families, anti-LGBTQ+ research resurged; (re)positioning LGBTQ+ parented families as ‘risks’ against the ‘best interests’ of children around sexual abuse, social/psychological maladjustment and becoming LGBTQ+ [10, 11]. These papers overlooked structural and social homophobia and transphobia influencing children’s outcomes [12,13,14].

However, there were also movements in the literature towards more positive LGBTQ+ parent portrayals. These included LGBTQ+ parented family diversity and functioning studies of the 1990s, which coincided with affirming shifts around LGBTQ+ identities, documenting their home life characteristics and experiences in sociological lenses and informing professionals of LGBTQ+ families’ needs [1]. Studies explicitly focussing on LGBTQ+ parents within schools challenging heteronormative approaches to families emerged due to rising recognition of the unique challenges that LGBTQ+ parented families faced therein. Lenses from sociological and psychological disciplines including queer theory, post-modern theory, grounded theory, Foucauldian theory, and psychological/ecological development frameworks utilised predominantly qualitative interview methodologies to explore experiences of LGBTQ+ parents in mainly Western school environments [1, 2]. The most recent critical sociological research explored positive and supportive aspects of school environments for LGBTQ+ parents, uncovering the value of representation of diversity, explicit inclusive school policy on family diversity and forms, and staff training [1, 2]. However, LGBTQ+ parents’ education research representations are still largely deficit-based.

Redressing Parent Euphoria Research Gaps

Calls to overcome deficit-framings in LGBTQ+ parent research are expanding [1, 2], and research overlooks parent euphorias. This chapter contemplates:

• 1. How can we characterise typical euphoric (happy or comfortable) experiences of LGBTQ+ parents, and their influences?

• 2. How do these euphorias typically change over time, and what influences changes?

The following data are from the 2021-2022 LGBTQ+ You study’s 208 parent surveys (Chap. 3 details methodology and methods).

LGBTQ+ You Parent Survey Findings

Existence of Parents’ Euphorias

The 208 LGBTQ+ parents surveyed in the LGBTQ+ You study were asked: ‘Have you ever felt happy or comfortable (euphoric) about your LGBTQ+ identity in your child’s school?’. Of the 205 LGBTQ+ parents who responded, 97 (47.5%) had not felt euphoric; 66 (31.7%) had; 42 (20.5%) were unsure (Fig. 6.1). Table 6.1 outlines how parents’ demographics and euphorias intersected. There were no relationships between parents’ euphorias and their age, sex assignation, Indigeneity, CALD or gender; or their children’s’ school state, rurality, type or level. Table 6.2 shows significant relationships between parents’ decreased likelihood of euphorias and having a disability (p<.05), and for LGBTQ+ identity concealment (p<.05). However, there was a highly significant increased likelihood for gay/lesbian parents to have euphorias, above other sexualities (p<.001).

Fig. 6.1

Whether LGBTQ+ parents felt euphoric about identity in education

Table 6.1 LGBTQ+ parents’ euphorias versus demographics

Table 6.2 Relationships between LGBTQ+ parents’ euphorias and demographics

Frequency of Parents’ Euphorias

LGBTQ+ parents who experienced euphorias were asked: ‘How often have you felt happy or comfortable (euphoric) about your LGBTQ+ identity in your child’s school?’. Figure 6.2 shows most selected ‘often’ (36.8%) or ‘always’ (36.8%). The remaining fifth selected sometimes or rarely.

Fig. 6.2

LGBTQ+ parents’ euphoric frequency

LGBTQ+ Parents’ Euphorias

Parents were asked: ‘Please tell us a time when you felt particularly euphoric (happy or comfortable) about your LGBTQ+ identity in your child’s school’. Leximancer found 5 themes in their 57 responses: school, mums, open, year, and kids (Fig. 6.3).

Fig. 6.3

Leximancer map for LGBTQ+ parents’ euphoria descriptions (N=57)

‘School’: Parents’ Dominant Institutional Inclusion Euphoria

The largest Leximancer-identified theme for LGBTQ+ parent euphorias was ‘school’ (66 hits, 100% relationality). This theme focussed on LGBTQ+ parents’ feelings of affirmation and comfort from institutional efforts at direct structural supports and celebratory inclusion (sub-concepts: school, child, parents, feel, teachers, family, queer, gender, comfortable, partner, inclusive, staff, couple, identity, having, sense). For some participants institutional inclusion for their own identities sparked euphoria. In a typical example, Gracelyn (Lesbian Cis-female, 36-45yrs) said of her child’s Victorian public primary-school:

I have just always felt comfortable with my identity at my child’s school. It didn’t seem to be an issue, I felt that I was treated the same way a heterosexual parent would have been treated by staff and other parents.

Amber (Lesbian Cis-female, 46-55yrs) said:

I have felt that it’s affirming when I’ve seen flags, brochures, art works, notices for queer clubs etc that make it clear that the school is an inclusive place. I’ve also felt comfortable when the interactions with teachers are respectful and productive.

For some participants institutional inclusion for their relationships was key to euphoria. Maren (Bisexual, Cis-female, 46-55yrs) commented on an independent Victorian pre-school ‘Our child’s teacher telling my (same sex) partner and I that we are doing a great job parenting our child. It felt validating as a same sex couple’. Similarly, Mallory (Lesbian Cis-female, 36-45yrs) reflected on an independent Victorian primary-school, ‘School staff have been welcoming to my ex-partner and I and treated us the same as a hetero couple’. However, there were some LGBTQ+ parents for whom euphoria instead occurred when institutions included their children and/or families. Mallory noted that euphoria occurred because ‘My daughter’s family has been seen as just as valid as hetero parents’ and ‘Made to feel welcome as a same-sex family by staff and other parents’. Amber also described how she experienced euphoria that was:

just a sense of one’s whole self being present and welcome. I’ve also been pleased when teachers have used inclusive terms like parents and carers (not ‘mum and dad’) and forms have these options, and when they have used my gender fluid child’s pronouns correctly.

Hence for parents, Institutional Inclusion euphoria evident in the ‘school’ theme was the most central and dominant euphoria. It had relationships to the most euphorias in Leximancer’s map overlaps and participants’ comments (particularly Institutional Inclusion euphoria and Acceptance euphoria as explained following), showing visible overlaps with the ‘open’ and ‘year’ themes, and some weaker ties to ‘Mums’ and ‘Kids’ (Category Validation euphoria and Pride Generativity euphoria).

‘Mums’ and ‘Open’: Category Validation Euphoria for Parenting Validation

The theme ‘mums’ (13 hits, 15% relationality) and ‘open’ (13 hits, 15% relationality) overlapped. ‘Mums’ denoted participants’ elation and relief upon being treated as within a parent category or group they belonged to—particularly mother categories (sub-concepts: mums, son, Mother’s Day). There was an emphasis on validation of their own and their partners’ parenting roles via parental-theme days, welcoming treatment and/or form or work-sheet inclusion. Due to the high portion of lesbian mothers in the LGBTQ+ parent survey and broadly amongst LGBTQ+ parents in general [1, 15], the affirmation of the parents within gendered parent roles and parent celebration days including ‘mums’ and Mother’s Day’ was notably a key way this validation occurred; with attention to how these gendered parenting roles were being expansively validated (not restricted to historic feminising conceptualisations). Sometimes this occurred via activities the parents’ children were supported to do by the school. Typically, Brienna (Lesbian Trans-female, 46-55yrs) said euphoria was sparked when she and her co-parent were not left out of representations of parents in their child’s family constellation map exercise:

Instead, we were delighted to see our son’s teacher had already made the change, so our son’s family tree had two ‘mother’ branches. Our son had no idea of course, because his worksheet reflected his reality, but for his mums, it was a wonderful moment.

In another example, Bess (Lesbian Trans-female, 46-55yrs) said at a NSW public school:

Our child’s teacher let her make 2 Mother’s Day gifts this year, made sure she purchased 2 gifts at the stall and asked her who she wanted to make her Father’s Day card for. (Grandad or Poppy).

Sometimes the staff’s actions were key for inspiring euphoria. For example, Joyce (Lesbian Cis-female, 46-55yrs) said at her child’s NSW independent school, ‘All correspondence is to both mums. Children can buy two Mother’s Day presents’. Guiliana (Queer/pansexual Cis-female, 46-55yrs) commented that they experienced euphoria because at the NSW public high-school their child attends: ‘Staff have always been supportive and welcoming- always receive two Mother’s Day cards’ and Finis (Gay Non-Binary Person, 46-55yrs) said euphoria occurred at an independent QLD high-school ‘When it was recognised that my daughter would need access to buy two Mother’s Day gifts when the rule was ‘strictly one gift per student’.

The ‘open’ theme expressed parents’ euphoria over LGBTQ+ people being included in the open support of the school for the LGBTQ+ category in general as parents or other role-groups in their school community (sub-concepts: open, people, supportive). It was less directly focussed on mothers or motherhood; however, it was still a form of category validation because it combined LGBTQ+ category and school community category membership validations. For example, Julia (Lesbian Cis-female, 36-45yrs) said euphoria was sparked in how her child’s WA public kindergartens’ parent group ‘is very open and welcoming and supportive’ and Rizzo (Bisexual Cis-female, 26-35yrs) said of a QLD public primary-school ‘When first looking at the school I went to an open day during which the head boy spoke about diversity and wanting diverse people at the school’. Other examples included how schools could have LGBTQ+ families visibly and noticeably represented in a variety of sites, media, at pick-up and so forth. Accordingly for parents, Institutional Inclusion euphoria evident in the ‘school’ theme linked to Category Validation euphoria, in two separate ways. First, a link occurred where institutions facilitated inclusion through validating parent identities and roles within family constellations through the treatment of individuals, especially mothers, as offering multi-faceted (not just feminine) guardianship support. Second, a link occurred where institutions were open in their support for LGBTQ+ categories and families in a broad public way, as wanted and welcome school community members.

‘Kids’: LGBTQ+ Parents’ Pride Generativity Euphoria for Improved Conditions

The stand-alone small theme ‘kids’ (7 hits, 18% relationality) portrayed LGBTQ+ parents’ euphoria as inspired by their own or others’ work building other generations’ LGBTQ+ pride and acceptance. Joyce (Lesbian Cis-female, 46-55yrs) felt euphoria around their contribution to inter-generational pride through the inter-familial education typical to this theme, in how her ‘Children have told their friends about having two mums and other kids ask questions to seek further advice’. Berkeley (Gay Non-Binary Person, 46-55yrs) felt euphoric around observing their son and their QLD public school’s principal coming out as acts of solidarity, and this led to their own self-revelations:

The school was the reason I came out. My eldest son (…) came home one day when Safe Schools was still a thing. He said he was going to assume he was bisexual while he worked out whether or not he was (subsequently all three of them came out as straight but that’s OK). He said his school principal was bisexual (I never did find out if it was a true thing or something he said as part of his solidarity with LGBTIQA+ kids) and that the school would be VERY STRICT against any transphobia or homophobia. Over the next few weeks my son taught me a lot about identity and tolerance and I finally (aged 35) was able to come out to myself and then other people.

Berkeley also is an example of those parents who experienced euphoria around observing their school’s support for the next generation’s pride in LGBTQ+ people through music events, educational and gender-flexible structural supports:

Fast forward to about 2019, music night. Some of the music kids sang songs with queer interpretations (like girls singing about attractive girls or whatever). I felt like everyone was OK with that and I felt safe being part of that community. I feel like the pro-LGBTIQA+ thing has had implications more broadly. My kids are cis-het males but are not the toxic types. They have strong, capable but also caring, communicative masculinities and I feel this is a result of their school not being heteronormative.

For parents then, Institutional Inclusion euphoria evident in the ‘school’ theme was linked to the Pride Generativity euphoria seen in the ‘kids’ theme by some examples of school-facilitated pride-inducing education and supports. This is visible in the Leximancer map and some comments.

‘Year’: LGBTQ+ Parents’ Community Connection Euphoria Underlined Collectives

The smallest stand-along theme ‘year’ (5 hits, 13% relationality) showed Community Connection Euphoria arose from some LGBTQ+ parents’ enjoyment of connection with community across the school year, or different positive moments across years. This reflected parents’ forward-facing hope for future connections or nostalgic reminiscences of past connections, manifesting as joy in the present. For example, Elliot (Queer Trans-female, 46-55yrs) discussed euphoria sparked by a NSW public school within: ‘A show and tell Type scenario where you had to share a celebration. Kiddo chose to talk about their Mums’ wedding the year before!’—describing both pleasure in the moment and in the past. Pina (Lesbian Cis-female, 46-55yrs) described euphoria at a QLD primary-school ‘When my partner and I realised that the new Principal at the school our daughter was enrolled to start in the next year was a Lesbian’– describing both pleasure in the moment and in the future. Similarly, Pina described euphoria in both the moment of an announcement and in future hopes for improved connection to LGBTQ+ and school community when: ‘at a school P&C meeting there was an item for discussion/voting about choosing to rid the school of the (anti-LGBTQ+ organisation) ’school chaplain’ and replacing with a student welfare worker’.

Ian (Gay Trans-male, 46-55yrs) described euphoria in both the moment of and in future hopes connection to community annually through different events at a Victorian religious primary-school: ‘A group of queer parents do a talk each year about Mardi Gras which is a time our families are celebrated in schools’. Several parents discussed euphoria around the present and future possibilities of their child’s flexible options in celebration of their rainbow family’s connections on various parent days provided by teachers or school (Mother’s Day, Father’s Day); and several parents described looking forward to or reflecting on connecting with other families. Pina’s example further typified the group in recalling:

it was lovely to connect with other ’Rainbow families’ and our surrounding environment and we were all interacting with a range of others in the space, I couldn’t help but note ’ah the queers have found each other and gathered’.

For parents, Institutional Inclusion euphoria evident in the ‘school’ theme overlapped with the ‘year’ theme’s Community Connection euphoria, where institutions facilitated inclusion through including LGBTQ+ people including parents at events or in class activities, and the hiring of LGBTQ+ or LGBTQ+-friendly staff.

Existence of Changes in Parents’ Euphorias

Parents experiencing education-based euphorias were asked: ‘Has your sense of euphoria (happiness or comfort) with your LGBTQ+ identity changed over time?’. They mostly reported ‘No’ changes (50.9%, Fig. 6.4). Over a third experienced changes (38.6%). Around a tenth of them were ‘Unsure’ (10.5%).

Fig. 6.4

LGBTQ+ parents’ euphoric change

Change-trends for Parents’ Euphorias

Parents were asked: ‘Please describe how your sense of euphoria (comfort or happiness) about your LGBTQ+ identity has changed over time’. Leximancer uncovered five themes across their 20 responses: people, feel, school, accepted, helped, and time (Fig. 6.5).

Fig. 6.5

Leximancer map for LGBTQ+ parents’ euphoric change descriptions (N=20)

‘School’: LGBTQ+ Parents Demanding More Institutional Inclusion Euphoria

The largest Leximancer-identified theme for LGBTQ+ parents whose euphoria changed over time was ‘school’ (35 hits, 100% relationality). It comprised LGBTQ+ parents’ increasing desire for, expectations of and planned advocacy for institutional inclusion and its attendant euphoria (sub-concepts: school, feel, kids, parent, family, gender, child, queer, become, identity, talk, principal, changed, daughter). Several parents described growing irritations at the lack of inclusion in their schools, and the sense more could be done as inspired by legislative change, better curricula or growing LGBTQ+ staffing. For example, Pina (Lesbian Cis-female, 46-55yrs) aspired to features of nearby schools offering better inclusion:

I find I am feeling more critical of the invisibility/absence of directly mentioning/addressing ’us’ (LGBTIQ+ families/kids/issues) generally. I have recently learned that a nearby primary-school flies the progress flag - this is just one example of something we should be doing - and that’s why I feel we need to get a few families to meet the new principal once she arrives - to talk gender/sexuality/family diversities overtly and see what existing policies, processes, structures etc in the school enable more inclusion to be embedded.

Capri (Queer Cis-female, 36-45yrs) had been spurred on by legislative change to increase expectations of positive institutional engagements at a Victorian public high-school as a queer mother:

When we were trying to get pregnant and until my children were about 3 and 18 months old the Victorian and federal law changed to recognise our family which profoundly changed how confident I felt when accessing services or explaining my family to others. Legal changes, including marriage equality, make the world a safer and more inclusive place for my kids and their family, including at school.

Other parents were increasing their advocacy. Angela (Lesbian Cis-female, 36-45yrs) felt more secure and confident around advocacy, and more expectant of positive experiences in education settings, since marriage equality and getting married she emphasises, ‘my sense of responsibility to advocate and educate - mostly for the sake of my family and their safety and happiness’. Abigail (Bisexual Cis-female, 36-45yrs) was spurred on by increased Acceptance euphoria to demand the conditions for Institutional Inclusion euphoria around a QLD public high-school her child attended:

As I have been able to talk about my identity more openly, this has helped me feel better about advocating and feeling like the people I’m talking to understand me better as I am more visibly queer, but also I know I can pass for straight female especially because I have kids, there is an assumption I have a husband etc.

At her child’s NSW public high-school, Elliot (Queer Trans-female, 46-55yrs) had higher expectations for inclusion from growing confidence in her identity, and moving to a less regional/remote context:

I didn’t (identify fully) as queer until 30 so it’s definitely changed over time. My family moved from regional/remote QLD to SE QLD.

Overall LGBTQ+ parents’ increased expectation for inclusion and pre-conditions for euphorias appeared a strongly supported theme. Reflections on desire for Institutional Inclusion euphoria overlapped with the mediating factors in the ‘helped’ and ‘support’ themes.

‘Support’: LGBTQ+ Parents’ (Self-)Acceptance Euphoria Increased With Age

‘Support’ (16 hits, 21% relationality) showed some LGBTQ+ parents perceiving themselves as ‘getting older’ became less concerned about the views of others, though they accepted supported where it was available (sub-concepts: support, sense, comfortable, older, community, others). These parents had once sought out external approval or support from others, but no longer felt a strong desire to seek out it out, though they would accept it if it was unavailable. These parents saw this change in themselves and their lessened striving for inclusion or validation, because of increased Acceptance euphoria built on self-acceptance and the effects of ageing. For example, Adrena (Bisexual Cis-female, 36-45yrs) was increasingly becoming ‘more comfortable with myself as I get older, don’t care what others think’ at the Victorian public primary-school her child attended; Mara (Lesbian Cis-female, 36-45yrs) found at her child’s ACT public primary-school she was ‘now older than most of the teachers, it helps’; and Pina (Lesbian Cis-female, 46-55yrs) said ‘I think it is an age thing. The older I get the less I care about what others may think of me’. The introductory quote to this chapter, identified as typical for this theme by Leximancer, showed that Sloane (Lesbian Cis-female, 46-55yrs) commented became increasingly comfortable with age at a religious WA high-school her child attended, although this (Self-)Acceptance euphoria may also ‘come with confidence, but also the visual representation that I am not alone, my sense of community and the support of those queer and straight around me’. Kori (Bio-bisexual Non-Binary Person, 36-45yrs) relied more on their self-acceptance now and less on community connection or institutional inclusion at a Victorian public primary-school as a source of euphoria, recalling: ‘I used to be proud of the community. Less so nowadays and with that I’m less likely to actively participate’. For some parents then, pro-active desire for externally stimulated Institutional Inclusion, Community Connection or (social) Acceptance euphorias decreased as they grew Acceptance euphoria based on internal acceptance over many years.

‘Accepted’: LGBTQ+ Parents’ Relationships & Relationship Views Affected Euphorias

‘Accepted’ (8 hits, 21% relationality) depicted how LGBTQ+ parents’ Acceptance euphoria around social acceptance changed due to their new relationships and new information on others’ views on their relationships (sub-concepts: accepted, marriage, started). Specifically, some parents were recently more worried about their current and future relationships due to how others might view their LGBTQ+ identities. Cara (Bisexual Cis-female, 36-45yrs) experienced barriers to euphoria at a Tasmanian public primary-school due to being in a heterosexual marriage:

I have only recent (in the past 18 months) even acknowledged my sexuality to myself. At first I was scared of what it might mean - for myself, my kids, and especially my marriage.

Gaston (Gay Trans-male, 36-45yrs) experienced reduced Acceptance euphoria only recently at his child’s NSW public primary-school, especially after discovering many Australian voters did not accept LGBTQ+ relationship equality:

I was happier before the same sex marriage survey because I thought I was accepted by everyone. When the survey started, I realised that wasn’t the case.

However, a few parents experienced increased Acceptance euphoria around approaching or getting into relationships. Angela (Lesbian Cis-female, 36-45yrs) felt more Acceptance and Community Connection euphorias when dating at the NSW public primary-school: ‘Single, I felt alone and had trouble connecting with my community. In a relationship, I felt more accepted and connected’. For Jeb (Gay Non-Binary Person, 46-55yrs), crushes and potential relationships increased Acceptance euphoria based on both increased self- and social-acceptance:

I was wearing my rainbow jumper and a woman who has a lesbian daughter came up and hugged me and said ‘I am so glad you are here’ and after that I started just even telling people (…) there had been another non-binary person working there before me and everyone was excited to support me with the right pronouns or whatever and now I have just become as out as anything and quite calm in myself to the point where I even admitted I was non-binary to my crush and she started being more careful about pronouns around me (although I would totally forgive her if she didn’t).

Peng (Gay Non-Binary Person, 46-55yrs), experienced ongoing and evolving Acceptance, Category Validation and Community Connection euphorias due to crushes and new contacts:

partly someone at uni and some other people in my extended networks I came to realise I WANTED to define myself as queer but I didn’t dare to, then through being accepted by all the wonderful ‘queer family’ at Feast and in safe spaces I came to know I am actually a non-binary, demisexual lesbian (it’s just a label but it gives me permission not to be the other things) and I have been euphoric about who I am ever since.

Therefore, some parents found externally driven (Social-)Acceptance euphorias to be fickle, whilst (Self-)Acceptance euphorias were more lasting.

‘Helped’: LGBTQ+ Parents Euphorias Were Progressively ‘Learned’ & ‘Taught’

‘Helped’ (7 hits, 16% relationality) denoted how sometimes euphorias, or the conditions that support their occurrence, can be taught, and learned (sub-concepts: helped, having, framework). Some parents explained that they had learned frameworks supporting euphorias. For example, Jaquan (Bisexual Non-Binary Person, 36-45yrs) described feeling Category Validation euphoria more since learning about their identity categorisations with links to the WA public high-school their child attended, noting ‘My identity hasn’t particularly changed, but I having a framework and language to talk about it has helped’. Jaquan also recalled that Category Validation euphoria came from learning over time: ‘Learning about a nonbinary gender framework so that I had language and greater understanding of myself has given me the greatest sense of euphoria and sense of self’. Jeb (Gay Non-Binary Person, 46-55yrs) experienced ongoing and evolving Acceptance, Category Validation and Community Connection euphorias in part, from ‘learning from my kids … euphoria grows with awareness and acceptance’ alongside other stimuli. These included their school’s staff, a university community, and relationships.

Some parents also said the conditions for euphorias could be taught. Pina (Lesbian Cis-female, 46-55yrs) argued that the conditions for euphoria can be shared and co-constructed immediately and progressively in education settings:

There are some ‘easy reach’ things like anti-bullying/wear it orange [sic] day and the school is also moving to embrace a Positive Behaviour for Learning framework I’ve been told. This sounds like it will allow space for continuing an ethos of the anti-bullying messaging that needs to carry throughout the year, not just around a particular day.

Jaquan (Bisexual Non-Binary Person, 36-45yrs) had even engaged in teaching school staff to set up the conditions for Institutional Inclusion and Pride Generativity euphorias for their family and themselves:

In relation to my child’s school, the principal and staff had very limited knowledge regarding gender diversity when my child started school at age 5. After working with the principal and staff for the past 5 years, they are much more aware and understanding leading them to have taken significant action to embrace and celebrate gender diversity. This has helped me to feel more euphoric in the school space.

Parents thus engaged in 360-degree inter-generational euphoric pedagogies.

‘Time’: Time & Persistence Enabled Conditions for LGBTQ+ Parents’ Euphorias

The stand-alone theme ‘Time’ (6 hits, 32% relationality) denoted how some LGBTQ+ parents’ euphorias increased at schools as initial blockages were overcome gradually, with their persistence. For example, Cara (Bisexual Cis-female, 36-45yrs) felt increased Category Validation and Acceptance euphorias over time at the Tasmanian public primary-school her child attended: ‘over time I have come to realise that I am who I am. Trying to hide it nearly killed me. Now I am openly and honestly me’. Olivia (Lesbian Cis-female, 36-45yrs) saw initial barriers to euphorias built into education systems, including her child’s WA TAFE vocational education programmes, which are starting to be mediated:

In the beginning, it was difficult with the lessons being tailored to match a ‘nuclear family’ which confused our child. At Prep we found many parents stand-offish as we had been the only rainbow family in the grade at that time.

Abby (Lesbian Cis-female, 46-55yrs) felt initial barriers but increasingly experienced euphorias at her child’s SA public primary-school:

I was initially afraid to drop off and pick up my child with my partner. However, I have felt happier over time seeing other same sex or diverse parents and knowing too, that our being there and open, helps them too.

Gracelyn (Lesbian Cis-female, 36-45yrs) felt increased Acceptance euphoria over time at her child’s religious NSW primary-school:

I suppose I just got more comfortable with my identity over time and with age and experience. As I saw that it didn’t seem to be an issue from young school years. I just got more comfortable with it.

Alysha (Lesbian Cis-female, 46-55yrs) felt Institutional Inclusion euphoria increase through her persisting in activism and through greater LGBTQ+ representation in the NSW school system:

If you’re asking about comfort within the school system, I think I’ve become more confident as a parent over the course of 20 years of having 2 kids got through the school system. This applies to general self confidence in the school system, so it’s probably mirrored with comfort about being more assertive about the need for inclusive curriculum etc. We always made the points, and raised the issue but it’s got easier over time. (Ageing?) Also helpful when there’s other queer parents - and kids - around, and in the school.

Through this latter type of example, there were links between the ‘time’ and ‘school’ themes, where parents had themselves worked over extended periods towards mounting the conditions for increased Institutional Inclusion euphoria and felt they were achieving improved conditions for their families in education.

Discussion

Dominant Parent Euphorias

Under a third of LGBTQ+ parents experienced euphorias; for this group (1) Institutional Inclusion euphoria; (2) Category Validation euphoria; (3) Pride Generativity euphoria; and (4) Community Connection euphoria mostly occurred always and often across their Chronosystem (time). Parents’ Category Validation euphorias, reflected the joyful feeling of rightness in TGD studies [16, 17] around parenting roles, and the intimacy focus and familial role building of Erikson’s Stages 5-6 [18, 19]—see Fig. 6.6. Parents’ Pride Generativity euphorias often sparked around support for youth LGBTQA+ embodiments or informal role-modelling-based learnings, whereas staff versions ignited from formal activism events; both were strongly aligned with Erikson’s Stage 7 generativity motivation [18, 19]. These alignments underlined Ahmed’s argument that social groups find happiness more accessible when enacting cultural ideals, though achievements were not always age/stage-aligned. Institutional Inclusion, Pride Generativity, and Community Connection euphorias all to various degrees captured responsiveness to collective condition improvements for LGBTQ+ communities in education reflecting notions of euphoria as involving redress [20], extending this to institutional inter-generative redress. These findings emphasised the importance of inclusive structural and social efforts, and the increased likelihood of gay and lesbian parents particularly experiencing euphorias may reflect research on how institutions’ inclusion efforts usually focus on gay and lesbian people above transgender people [1, 2].

Fig. 6.6

Ecological model of psycho-social influences on LGBTQ+ parents’ education-based euphorias

Stabilising Change-trends

LGBTQ+ parents euphorias’ were relatively stable. Most (over half) reported no changes across their Chronosystem. Given that most LGBTQ+ parents did not report euphorias or changes, parent happiness plateaus pervade education. Smaller change-trends included increased demand for supportive Microsystems enabling Institutional Inclusion euphoria; steady growth in (Self-)Acceptance euphorias with time and age; and complex influences on (Self- and Social-)Acceptance euphorias from relationships or relationship ideas (from Exosystems and Macrosystems). Sometimes sighting a colour or object (purple, rainbow, clothes or flags) literally moved people physically and emotionally closer to LGBTQ+ acceptance or institutional inclusion demands; (re)organising emotions [21, 22] both in informal and formal (dis)organised object-focussed group identification processes [21, 23]. (Social-)Acceptance euphorias were most affected by relationship versions of the intimacy versus isolation focus of Erikson’s Stage 6 [18, 19]; underlining Ahmed’s argument that social sub-groups find happiness more accessible when enacting culturally endorsed phenomena—romantic, familial, community roles [24, 25]. However parents’ (Self-)Acceptance euphorias, once independent of external acceptance, aligned with the integrity focus of Erikson’s Stage 8 [18, 19] and contributed to some parents’ comparative resilience around rights debates in their Exo and Macrosystems, defying historic rejections in overplayed happiness in Butlerian dissidence [26]. Indeed some parents had dismissive meta-emotions around their own and their children’s negative education experiences [23], fortifying their euphorias … through negativity emotional shut-downs. Earlier maturation around generativity again suggested LGBTQ+ (and parent) identities could disrupt identity-staging [27]. Some LGBTQ+ parents progressively learned and taught euphorias; displaying a 360-degree version of Gottman et al.’s dismissive or (meta-)emotion-coaching patterns [23], socio-culturally and institutionally.

Significance & Limitations

LGBTQ+ parent responses were brief yet direct reflecting earlier studies [1], providing the largest-scale parent euphoria data collection to date. The study showed approaches promoted in broader LGBTQ+ parent institutional inclusion literature also enhanced euphorias, including training staff on LGBTQ+ families as part of family diversities broadly and ensuring structures (forms, event invites and procedures, class activities around families) adapt to diverse family models [1]. The study underlined the value of advocacy for LGBTQ+ families in cultural debates; groups sharing established rainbow parents’ resilience and self-acceptance strategies with newer LGBTQ+ parents/people; and pro-active (indirect, generalised) school validation of diverse parents as parents [1, 2, 15, 28]. The importance of LGBTQ+ youth activism for their wellbeing has been previously established [13, 29]; this study was significant in underlining parents’ educational outness and activisms for their happiness. Parents’ activisms had comparably longer-term/cumulative, more persistent qualities; the wilfulness [30] of the euphorically queer prepared to be the needed ‘killjoy’.

Parents’ euphoric barriers included relationship status (being single or divorced), and disabilities played a role, reflecting literature on pressures to embody able-bodied homonormative parent coupledom [4, 5].

Conclusions

LGBTQ+ parents’ lack of education-based euphorias and minimal euphoric change-trends may relate to historic and contemporary barriers to their open achievement of intimacy and generativity goals; which may be less possible, accepted or condoned within education-based economies of happiness. Intervention-based norm-critical studies relieving LGBTQ+ parent euphoria blockers including isolation and stagnation may be useful, especially for those with disabilities or less dominant (e.g. multi-gender) sexualities. For LGBTQ+ parents dominant Institutional Inclusion and Category Validation euphorias particularly emphasised parent roles, and occurred mostly always or often. Pride Generativity and finally Community Connection euphorias emphasised personal role-modelling and collective LGBTQ+ contributions. Parents’ (Self-)Acceptance euphorias—once achieved through resilience or dismissive meta-emotion—had armour sustaining long-term action and euphorically queer persistence for improving institutional inclusion and teaching euphoric mentalities; but may temper emotional openness. This differed to student and staff (Social-)Acceptance euphorias, potentially reflecting some protection from parents’ less centralised daily positioning within volatile school communities. School facilitation of greater access to LGBTQ+ parenting groups may enable role-modelling of resilience resourcing, spread of euphorias, and euphorically queer identity. Chapter 7 considers people with intersex variations’ euphorias; redressing gaps in LGBTQ+ You data.