Coming Out into a Transparent Closet: Gays and Lesbians and Their Families of Origin

Abstract

This chapter focuses on the coming out process and its consequences in the family of origin. Our empirical studies over 10 years show that coming out in the family of origin is an emotionally exhausting and highly stressful event. Often, parents and siblings acknowledge the new information but refuse to act accordingly, creating a transparent closet. The same-sex orientation becomes a family secret that is ignored and causes a high level of discomfort. Nevertheless, our data show some positive developments: Younger gays and lesbians come out more often in their family environment than older generations, reporting more positive parental reactions, although the majority still lack complete, unconditional acceptance. The experience of not being entirely accepted and understood in the context of their family of origin may contribute to the reservations gays and lesbians have about starting families of their own. Heteronormative interpretations of family units contribute to such beliefs. However, younger generations of gays and lesbians increasingly break through these interpretations and have more resources and opportunities to create their own families with adopted or biological children. In these situations, the coming out process is inevitable; welcoming a child into same-sex families unconditionally reveals the nature of their partnership.