Non-verbal Communication in Relationships as a Link between Affect and Social Intelligence

Abstract

This chapter summarizes the main points in this book. First, non-verbal communication is important in close relationships. Second, non-verbal communication is not only important, often it is more important than verbal communication; when non-verbal signals belie verbal ones, people often believe the non-verbal ones over the verbal ones. Third, nonverbal communication is a language, indeed, as much a language as is expressed through verbal communication. Fourth, non-verbal communication has two main aspects—encoding (transmission of signals) and decoding (receipt of non-verbal signals)—which are distinct although related abilities (or, relatedly, skill sets). Fifth, non-verbal abilities have some domain-specificity. For example, one may be adept at receiving non-verbal signals in a work setting but not in a personal setting, or vice versa. Sixth, non-verbal communication is often transmitted preconsciously—without conscious awareness of the signals one is transmitting. Seventh, much, although certainly not all of non-verbal communication is unintentional. Eighth, sometimes people try to manipulate non-verbal communication to make it appear as though a signal that is intentional is unintentional (e.g., repeated glances at someone to attract their attention). Ninth, non-verbal communication is transmitted through all of the senses. One can communicate non-verbally visually (e.g., gestures), of course, but also through audition (e.g., tone of voice), touch (e.g., affectionate touches), smell (e.g., bodily odours and perfuming of various kinds), and even taste (e.g., kissing). Tenth, non-verbal communication often provides an indirect window to see one’s own or others’ internal states, as, for example, when one can see another person’s blood pressure rising. Eleventh, mistaken interpretation of non-verbal communications can lead to serious impairments or breakup of close relationships. Twelfth, channels of non-verbal communication may not only contradict verbal communication; they also may contradict each other, as when tone of voice is inconsistent with facial expressions.