How Parents Influence Their Children’s Friendships

Abstract

Friendships are among the central ingredients of children’s lives, from as early as age 3 and, in some cases, even earlier. Children’s relationships with their peers directly affect their well-being, provide an opportunity to learn and practice social skills, and may establish enduring patterns of relating to others (cf. Rubin, 1980). Parents typically recognize the importance of children’s friendships and often try to help their children establish and maintain rewarding friendships. Even parents who have no specific intention of influencing their child’s friendships can hardly avoid doing so, through the settings they choose to live in, their reactions to the child’s social behavior, and the values they convey through their own relationships with others. Whether or not these parental influences are intended, and whether or not they are recognized by the parents themselves, they are among parents’ most important legacies to their children.

Mr. and Mrs. Nelson, deciding among several houses to buy, finally settle on the one on the street where they noticed a group of 4-year-old children at play; their son Peter is 4.

Mrs. Freeman, who wishes that her daughter Sally would make closer friendships, learns that Sally has played with Robin in school. She calls Robin’s mother to invite Robin over to play, so the girls can get to know each other better.

Mr. Ramsay listens to his son Howard’s account of a fight he has had with his best friend Steven and then tells Howard how he would have handled the situation.

This research was made possible by a grant to Zick Rubin from the Foundation for Child Development.