The Case of Beth and Howard

Abstract

To paraphrase Tolstoy, happy relationships are all alike; every unhappy relationship is unhappy in its own way.¹ This is surely an oversimplification, but it gets at an important truth: Successful relationships have a large common ground, while failed ones are uniquely different, often coming undone because of a single flaw. All good love relationships are characterized by consistent mutual respect and affection; sharing of intimate feelings, interests, and fundamental values; and a strong commitment on both sides to preserve the bond. A deficiency or lack of reciprocity in any one of these attributes can doom an otherwise promising marriage. As we saw in Larry’s case, recounted in Chapter 1, his second marriage was wrecked by disparate values, his first by an avoidant response to emotional closeness.