Life Transitions and Stress in the Context of Psychosocial Development

Abstract

I was discussing a movie, “The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” with a group of clinical psychology students – psychotherapists-in-training. As we were musing about the relationship between suffering and growth, one fresh-faced student remarked that he thought that just as much growth issued from positive experiences as from negative ones and that, perhaps, negative ones weren’t necessary at all for personal growth. From the perspective of 70 years, 40 of which have been spent doing psychotherapy, I was speechless, gasping inwardly at such breathtaking naivete. Then I recalled being a fresh-faced psychotherapist-in-training myself and a graduate school friend, older than I by at least 10 years, told me that he was reluctant to talk with me about his marital problems because, as he said, “You just don’t have the experience necessary to understand.” He was right, but I was hurt by his response. That I still remember it is important. It was a negative experience; I felt badly; and I learned from it.

Although generally optimistic, I confess to a “tragic view of life.” I believe that all growth involves change, that change means loss (of a previous position, of a certain view of oneself and the world), and that loss is painful. Undergoing disequilibration and subsequent accommodation (change) is not a pleasant experience; that is why so many avoid it, preferring assimilation (remaining the same) instead. But meaningful change and growth inevitably entail some suffering. So, although this article is not intended to celebrate pain, it does recognize the necessity of some suffering as one transits life stages and stretches oneself to adapt to stressful situations.