Location: Who’s There?

Abstract

I was one of many who received and forwarded this email at the beginning of the new millennium. (Was it circulated only to people of color?) This hilarious send-up actually serves as both a bonding device (some of the references, all of which weren’t quoted here, were very in-group) and an ironic statement about how difficult it is, in our day and age, to sort out who is or isn’t black. A particularly sarcastic comment, “check black if you’re white and date only blacks,” says a lot about this blurring of identity. I can only guess the intentions of the author of this message; for me, it points up the absurdity of race categories and the anachronistic character of the Census. Still, race is always an issue of power, and “checking black” is one of the few means for a historically oppressed people to have the agency and power to mobilize against racism.

By this time most of you, should have already received your Census 2000 forms. There are several ethnicities listed on the form. The black race needs to be counted. It is of the utmost importance. Just in case you are not sure which category you belong in, here are a few helpful suggestions: … If you can name all of the characters on the show, “Good Times,” check black; If you are a white woman and only date black menⁱ, check black … If you know what fat back and hog maws are, check black … If you can name three Al Green songs, check black … If somebody in your family is called Big Mama, check black … If you eat greens more than three times a year, check black … If you have more than two piercings in your ear or wear a nose ring, check black … If you know how to do the Hucklebuck, Tootsie Roll, or Electric Slide, check black … If you have ever used the phrase “nah looka heyah,” “wachout there nah,” or “sho nuff,” check black … If you refer to anyone (family or friend) as Pookey or Boo, check black … If your name is or rhymes with Shaniqua, check black … If you understand ebonics or use it, check black … If you have tape recorded music on your answering machine, check black. …

—Anonymous email circulated winter-spring 2000