Skip to main content
SpringerLink
Log in

Commitment Readiness: Timing, the Self, and Close Relationships

  • Chapter
  • First Online:
Interpersonal Relationships and the Self-Concept

Abstract

Timing matters in relationships. Although people are universally driven to form and maintain social bonds, psychologists and relationship scientists have largely ignored the notion that people vary in the degree to which they are open and receptive to the idea of being involved in long-term committed romantic relationships, let alone that receptivity can ebb and flow over time. In this chapter, we highlight the role of perceived timing in romantic relationship processes by discussing how commitment readiness—the degree to which people feel ready for a long-term committed romantic relationship—contributes to our understanding of relationship processes. In doing so, we review recent work on the role of commitment readiness in relationship development, including initiation, maintenance, and breakup. In order to emphasize the idea that perceived timing can fluctuate as a result of immediate situational or contextual events, we also discuss how relationship transitions—specifically breakup—are likely to affect people’s immediate sense of readiness for committed relationships. We conclude by discussing some future directions for this line of research. Throughout this chapter, we aim to draw focus to the importance of the concept of readiness in relationships for furthering understanding of critical motivations impacting the self in relationships.

This is a preview of subscription content, log in via an institution to check access.

Access this chapter

Log in via an institution
Chapter
USD 29.95
Price excludes VAT (USA)
  • Available as PDF
  • Read on any device
  • Instant download
  • Own it forever
eBook
USD 149.00
Price excludes VAT (USA)
  • Available as EPUB and PDF
  • Read on any device
  • Instant download
  • Own it forever
Softcover Book
USD 199.99
Price excludes VAT (USA)
  • Compact, lightweight edition
  • Dispatched in 3 to 5 business days
  • Free shipping worldwide - see info
Hardcover Book
USD 199.99
Price excludes VAT (USA)
  • Durable hardcover edition
  • Dispatched in 3 to 5 business days
  • Free shipping worldwide - see info

Tax calculation will be finalised at checkout

Purchases are for personal use only

Institutional subscriptions

References

  • Agnew, C. R. (2000). Cognitive interdependence and the experience of relationship loss. In J. H. Harvey & E. D. Miller (Eds.), Loss and trauma: General and close relationship perspectives (pp. 385–398). Philadelphia: Brunner-Routledge.

    Google Scholar 

  • Agnew, C. R. (2014). Relationship receptivity: Commitment in a changing world. Melbourne, Australia: Keynote address presented at the International Association for Relationship Research.

    Google Scholar 

  • Agnew, C. R., Arriaga, X. B., & Wilson, J. E. (2008). Committed to what? Using the bases of relational commitment model to understand continuity and change in social relationships. In J. P. Forgas, J. Fitness, J. P. Forgas, & J. Fitness (Eds.), Social relationships: Cognitive, affective, and motivational processes (pp. 147–164). New York, NY, US: Psychology Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Agnew, C. R., Hadden, B. W., & Tan, K. (2019). It’s about time: Readiness, commitment and stability in close relationships. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 10, 1046–1055.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Agnew, C. R., Hadden, B. W., & Tan, K. (in press). Relationship receptivity theory: Timing and interdependent relationships. In L. V. Machia, C. R. Agnew, & X. B. Arriaga (Eds.), Interdependence, interaction, and relationships. Cambridge, UK: Cambridge University Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Agnew, C. R., Van Lange, P. M., Rusbult, C. E., & Langston, C. A. (1998). Cognitive interdependence: Commitment and the mental representation of close relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 74, 939–954.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Agnew, C. R., & Van der Drift, L. E. (2015). Relationship maintenance and dissolution. In M. Mikulincer, P. R. Shaver, J. A. Simpson, & J. F. Dovidio (Eds.), APA handbook of personality and social psychology (Vol. 3, pp. 581–604)., Interpersonal relations Washington, D.C., USA: American Psychological Association.

    Google Scholar 

  • Agnew, C. R., & Van der Drift, L. E. (2018). Commitment processes in personal relationship. In A. L. Vangelisti & D. Perlman (Eds.), The Cambridge handbook of personal relationships (2nd ed., pp. 437–448). Cambridge, UK: Cambridge University Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Arnett, J. J. (2014). Adolescence and emerging adulthood. Boston, MA: Pearson.

    Book  Google Scholar 

  • Aron, A., Aron, E. N., & Smollan, D. (1992). Inclusion of other in the self scale and the structure of interpersonal closeness. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 63, 596–612.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Aron, A., Aron, E. N., Tudor, M., & Nelson, G. (1991). Close relationships as including other in the self. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 60, 241–253.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Aron, A., Dutton, D. G., Aron, E. N., & Iverson, A. (1989). Experiences of falling in love. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 6, 243–257.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Aron, A., McLaughlin-Volpe, T., Mashek, D., Lewandowski, G., Wright, S. C., & Aron, E. N. (2004). Including others in the self. European Review of Social Psychology, 15, 101–132.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Arriaga, X. B., & Agnew, C. R. (2001). Being committed: Affective, cognitive, and conative components of relationship commitment. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 27, 1190–1203.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Bandura, A. (1986). Social foundations of thought and action: A social cognitive theory. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice Hall.

    Google Scholar 

  • Barbara, A. M., & Dion, K. L. (2000). Breaking up is hard to do, especially for strongly “preoccupied” lovers. Journal of Personal and Interpersonal Loss, 5, 315–342.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Barber, L. L., & Cooper, M. L. (2014). Rebound sex: Sexual motives and behaviors following a relationship breakup. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 43, 251–265.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychological Bulletin, 117, 497–529.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Brumbaugh, C. C., & Fraley, R. C. (2015). Too fast, too soon? An empirical investigation into rebound relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 32, 99–118.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Bruner, J. S. (1966). Toward a theory of instruction. Cambridge, Massachusetts: Harvard University Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Buss, D. M. (1989). Sex differences in human mate preferences: Evolutionary hypotheses tested in 37 cultures. Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 12, 1–49.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Clark, C. L., Shaver, P. R., & Abrahams, M. F. (1999). Strategic behaviors in romantic relationship initiation. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 25, 707–720.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Day, M. V., Kay, A. C., Holmes, J. G., & Napier, J. L. (2011). System justification and the defense of committed relationship ideology. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 101, 291–306.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Dailey, R. M., Brody, N., LeFebvre, L., & Crook, B. (2013). Charting changes in commitment: Trajectories in on-again/off-again relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 30, 1020–1044.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Dailey, R. M., Crook, B., Brody, N., & LeFebvre, L. (2017). Fluctuation in on-again/off-again romantic relationships: Foreboding or functional? Personal Relationships, 24, 748–767.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Davis, D., Shaver, P. R., & Vernon, M. L. (2003). Physical, emotional, and behavioral reactions to breaking up: The roles of gender, age, environmental involvement, and attachment style. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 29, 884–971.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). The ‘what’ and ‘why’ of goal pursuits: Human needs and the self-determination of behavior. Psychological Inquiry, 11, 227–268.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • De Paulo, B. M., & Morris, W. L. (2006). The unrecognized stereotyping and discrimination against singles. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 15, 251–254.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Drigotas, S. M., Rusbult, C. E., Wieselquist, J., & Whitton, S. W. (1999). Close partner as sculptor of the ideal self: Behavioral affirmation and the Michelangelo phenomenon. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 77, 293–323.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Eastwick, P. W., Keneski, E., Morgan, T. A., McDonald, M. A., & Huang, S. A. (2018). What do short-term and long-term relationships look like? Building the relationship coordination and strategic timing (ReCAST) model. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 147, 747–781.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Emery, L. F., Gardner, W. L., Finkel, E. J., & Carswell, K. L. (2018). “You’ve changed”: Low self-concept clarity predicts lack of support for partner change. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 44, 318–331.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Emery, L. F., Walsh, C., & Slotter, E. B. (2015). Knowing who you are and adding to it: Reduced self-concept clarity predicts reduced self-expansion. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 6, 259–266.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Finkel, E. J., Hui, C. M., Carswell, K. L., & Larson, G. M. (2014). The suffocation of marriage: Climbing Mount Maslow without enough oxygen. Psychological Inquiry, 25, 1–41.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Fletcher, G. J. O., & Simpson, J. A. (2000). Ideal standards in close relationships: Their structure and functions. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 9, 102–105.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Garapick, J. (2013). Eight signs you may not be ready for a relationship [Blog post]. Retrieved from http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/about-you/eight-signs-you-may-not-be-ready-for-a-relationship/#.WXTxCYgrJPY.

  • Gilbert, S. P., & Sifers, S. K. (2011). Bouncing back from a breakup: Attachment, time perspective, mental health, and romantic loss. Journal of College Student Psychotherapy, 25, 295–310.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Girme, Y. U., Overall, N. C., Faingataa, S., & Sibley, C. G. (2016). Happily single: The link between relationship status and well-being depends on avoidance and approach social goals. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 7, 122–130.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Gunther (2016). 10 questions to help you tell if you’re ready to commit [Blog post]. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/rediscovering-love/201602/10-questions-help-you-tell-if-youre-ready-commit.

  • Hadden, B. W., Agnew, C. R., & Tan, K. (2018). Commitment readiness and relationship formation. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 44, 1242–1257.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Hazan, C., & Shaver, P. (1987). Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52, 511–524.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Hazan, C., & Shaver, P. R. (1994). Attachment as an organizational framework for research on close relationships. Psychological Inquiry, 5, 1–22.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Hill, C. T., Rubin, Z., & Peplau, L. A. (1976). Breakups before marriage: The end of 103 affairs. Journal of Social Issues, 32, 147–168.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., & Layton, J. B. (2010). Social relationships and mortality risk: A meta-analytic review. PLoS Medicine, 7, 1–20.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Kellas, J., Bean, D., Cunningham, C., & Cheng, K. Y. (2008). The ex-files: Trajectories, turning points and adjustment in the development of post-dissolutional relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 25, 23–50.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Kelley, H. H., & Thibaut, J. W. (1978). Interpersonal relations: A theory of interdependence. New York, NY: Wiley.

    Google Scholar 

  • Kendler, K. S., Hettema, J. M., Butera, F., Gardner, C. O., & Prescott, C. A. (2003). Life event dimensions of loss, humiliation, entrapment, and danger in the prediction of onsets of major depression and generalized anxiety. Archives of General Psychiatry, 60, 789–796.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Knee, C. R., Nanayakkara, A., Vietor, N. A., Neighbors, C., & Patrick, H. (2001). Implicit theories of relationships: Who cares if romantic partners are less than ideal? Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 27, 808–819.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Kumashiro, M., Rusbult, C. E., & Finkel, E. J. (2008). Navigating personal and relational concerns: The quest for equilibrium. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 95, 94–110.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Leary, M. R. (2005). Sociometer theory and the pursuit of relational value: Getting to the root of self-esteem. European Review of Social Psychology, 16, 75–111.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Lemay, E. P., & Wolf, N. R. (2016). Projection of romantic and sexual desire in opposite-sex friendships: How wishful thinking creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 42, 864–878.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Lewandowski, G. J., Aron, A., Bassis, S., & Kunak, J. (2006). Losing a self-expanding relationship: Implications for the self-concept. Personal Relationships, 13, 317–331.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Mashek, D. J., & Sherman, M. D. (2004). Desiring less closeness with intimate others. In D. J. Mashek, A. P. Aron, D. J. Mashek, & A. P. Aron (Eds.), Handbook of closeness and intimacy (pp. 343–356). Mahwah, NJ, USA: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates Publishers.

    Chapter  Google Scholar 

  • Moller, N. P., Fouladi, R. T., McCarthy, C. J., & Hatch, K. D. (2003). Relationship of attachment and social support to college students’ adjustment following a relationship breakup. Journal of Counseling & Development, 81, 354–369.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Parkes, C. M. (2001). A historical overview of the scientific study of bereavement. In M. S. Stroebe, R. O. Hansson, W. Stroebe, & H. Schut (Eds.), Handbook of bereavement research: Consequences, coping, and care (pp. 25–45). Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.

    Chapter  Google Scholar 

  • Prochaska, J. O., & Di Clemente, C. C. (2005). The transtheoretical approach. In J. C. Norcross & M. R. Goldfried (Eds.), Handbook of psychotherapy integration (2nd ed., pp. 147–171). New York: Oxford University Press.

    Chapter  Google Scholar 

  • Rhoades, G. K., Kamp Dush, C. M., Atkins, D. C., Stanley, S. M., & Markman, H. J. (2011). Breaking up is hard to do: The impact of unmarried relationship dissolution on mental health and life satisfaction. Journal of Family Psychology, 25, 366–374.

    Article  PubMed  PubMed Central  Google Scholar 

  • Riela, S., Rodriguez, G., Aron, A., Xu, X., & Acevedo, B. P. (2010). Experiences of falling in love: Investigating culture, ethnicity, gender, and speed. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 27, 473–493.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Saffrey, C., & Ehrenberg, M. (2007). When thinking hurts: Attachment, rumination, and postrelationship adjustment. Personal Relationships, 14, 351–368.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Sama, J. M. (2014). 10 ways to know you’re ready for a relationship [Blog post]. Retrieved from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/james-michael-sama/10-ways-to-know-youre-rea_b_5316997.html.

  • Sbarra, D. A. (2006). Predicting the onset of emotional recovery following nonmarital relationship dissolution: Survival analyses of sadness and anger. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 32, 298–312.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Sbarra, D. A., & Emery, R. E. (2005). The emotional sequelae of nonmarital relationship dissolution: Analysis of change and intraindividual variability over time. Personal Relationships, 12, 213–232.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Schneider, C. S., & Kenny, D. A. (2000). Cross-sex friends who were once romantic partners: Are they platonic friends now? Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 17, 451–466.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Sheldon, K. M., Elliot, A. J., Kim, Y., & Kasser, T. (2001). What is satisfying about satisfying events? Testing 10 candidate psychological needs. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 80, 325–339.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Slotter, E. B., Gardner, W. L., & Finkel, E. J. (2010). Who am I without you? The influence of romantic breakup on the self-concept. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 36, 147–160.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Spielmann, S. S., Macdonald, G., & Wilson, A. E. (2009). On the rebound: Focusing on someone new helps anxiously attached individuals let go of ex-partners. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 35, 1382–1394.

    Google Scholar 

  • Spielmann, S. S., MacDonald, G., Maxwell, J. A., Joel, S., Peragine, D., Muise, A., et al. (2013). Settling for less out of fear of being single. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 105, 1049–1073.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Sprecher, S., Felmlee, D., Metts, S., Fehr, B., & Vanni, D. (1998). Factors associated with distress following the breakup of a close relationship. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 15, 791–809.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Sprecher, S., Felmlee, D., Schmeeckle, M., Shu, X., Fine, M. A., & Harvey, J. H. (2006). No breakup occurs on an island: Social networks and relationship dissolution. Handbook of divorce and relationship dissolution (pp. 457–478).

    Google Scholar 

  • Sussman, R. (2011). The breakup bible: The smart woman’s guide to healing from a breakup or divorce. New York, NY: Random House Inc.

    Google Scholar 

  • Tan, K., Agnew, C. R., Van der Drift, L. E., & Harvey, S. M. (2015). Committed to us: Predicting relationship closeness following nonmarital romantic relationship breakup. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 32(4), 456–471.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Tan, K., Arriaga, X. B., & Agnew, C. R. (2018). Running on empty: Measuring psychological dependence in close relationships lacking satisfaction. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 35, 977–998.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Thorndike, E. (1932). The fundamentals of learning. New York: Teachers College Press.

    Book  Google Scholar 

  • Van der Drift, L. E., & Agnew, C. R. (2014). Relational consequences of personal goal pursuits. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 106, 927–940.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Weiss, R. S. (1975). Marital separation. New York, NY: Basic Books.

    Google Scholar 

Download references

Author information

Authors and Affiliations

  1. Department of Psychology, Florida Atlantic University, Boca Raton, FL, USA

    Benjamin W. Hadden

  2. Departmental of Psychological Sciences, Purdue University, West Lafayette, IN, USA

    Christopher R. Agnew

Authors
  1. Benjamin W. Hadden
    View author publications

    You can also search for this author in PubMed Google Scholar

  2. Christopher R. Agnew
    View author publications

    You can also search for this author in PubMed Google Scholar

Corresponding author

Correspondence to Benjamin W. Hadden .

Editor information

Editors and Affiliations

  1. Department of Psychology, Ursinus College, Collegeville, PA, USA

    Brent A. Mattingly

  2. Department of Psychology, Trinity University, San Antonio, TX, USA

    Kevin P. McIntyre

  3. Department of Psychology, Monmouth University, West Long Branch, NJ, USA

    Gary W. Lewandowski, Jr.

Rights and permissions

Reprints and permissions

Copyright information

© 2020 Springer Nature Switzerland AG

About this chapter

Check for updates. Verify currency and authenticity via CrossMark

Cite this chapter

Hadden, B.W., Agnew, C.R. (2020). Commitment Readiness: Timing, the Self, and Close Relationships. In: Mattingly, B.A., McIntyre, K.P., Lewandowski, Jr., G.W. (eds) Interpersonal Relationships and the Self-Concept. Springer, Cham. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-030-43747-3_4

Download citation

Publish with us

Policies and ethics

Search

Navigation