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To Love, to Live

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Part of the book series: Palgrave Studies in Globalization, Culture and Society ((PSGCS))

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Abstract

This chapter situates itself in studies on single women in China, which report similar marginalization as reported in Western contexts. These women have to endure the demand to become a “full” woman through matrimony and maternity, coerced by Confucian values, state propaganda, and parental pressure. Their lived experiences point to a three-pronged approach. First, there are negative accounts of anxiety and feelings of crisis, when they are under pressure to get married, often being pressurized to meet potential husbands by family and peers (xiangqin). Second, some women articulate their wish to be romantically involved and the tactics they use to find “the right one.” These include attending courses offered by the so-called Love Club, joining interest groups, and engaging in cultural activities. Third, there are also more positive articulations of freedom and autonomy, lifestyle, and social support, underwriting single lives’ potentials to open up spaces for alternative forms of relationships and co-habitation beyond the heteronormative.

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Notes

  1. 1.

    See Leta Hong Fincher, Leftover Women: The Resurgence of Gender Inequality in China (London, New York: Zed Books, 2014); Luo Wei and Sun Zhen, “Are You the One? China’s TV Dating Shows and the Sheng Nü’s Predicament,” Feminist Media Studies 15, no. 2 (2015): 239–56; Wang Changfeng (王昌逢), “社会性别视角下的 [剩女] 现象分析 [An Analysis of the ‘Leftover Women’ Phenomenon in the Perspective of Gender],” 中共山西省直机关党校学报 [ZhongGong Shanxisheng Zhi Jiguan Dangxiao Xuebao], no. 6 (2010): 46–47; Wang Haiping and Douglas A. Abbott, “Waiting for Mr. Right: The Meaning of Being a Single Educated Chinese Female Over 30 in Beijing and Guangzhou,” Women’s Studies International Forum 40, no. Supplement C (2013): 222–29; Jun Zhang and Peidong Sun, “‘When Are You Going to Get Married?’ Parental Matchmaking and Middle-Class Women in Contemporary Urban China,” in Wives, Husbands and Lovers: Marriage and Sexuality in Hong Kong, Taiwan, and Urban China, ed. Deborah S. Davison and Sara L. Friedman (Stanford: Stanford University Press, 2014), 118–44; Sandy To, China’s Leftover Women: Late Marriage Among Professional Women and Its Consequences (London, New York: Routledge, 2015).

  2. 2.

    Wei-Jun Jean Yeung and Hu Shu, “Coming of Age in Times of Change: The Transition to Adulthood in China,” The ANNALS of the American Academy of Political and Social Science 646, no. 1 (2013): 149–71.

  3. 3.

    See Viola Zhou, “China’s Marriage Rate Slumps as More Singles Say ‘I Don’t’,” South China Morning Post, September 6, 2017, http://www.scmp.com/news/china/society/article/2109868/marriage-rate-down-divorce-rate-more-chinese-couples-say-i-dont.

  4. 4.

    Hong Fincher, Leftover Women; Luo and Sun, “Are You the One?”

  5. 5.

    Bella DePaulo, “Holiday Spirit, 21st Century Style: Kay Trimberger and I Share Our Vision,” Living Single (blog), November 23, 2008, http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-single/200811/holiday-spirit-21st-century-style-kay-trimberger-and-i-share-our-vision.

  6. 6.

    See Ulrich Beck and Elisabeth Beck-Gernsheim, Individualization: Institutionalized Individualism and Its Social and Political Consequences (London: Sage, 2002); Eric Klinenberg, Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone, 1 edition (London: Duckworth Overlook, 2014).

  7. 7.

    See, for instance, Tuula Gordon, Single Women: On the Margins?, Women in Society (Houndmills, Basingstoke, England) (Basingstoke: Macmillan, 1994); Peter J. Stein, “Singlehood: An Alternative to Marriage,” The Family Coordinator 24, no. 4 (1975): 489–503.

  8. 8.

    Adrienne Rich, Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence (London: Onlywomen Press, 1980).

  9. 9.

    Kinneret Lahad, A Table for One: A Critical Reading of Singlehood, Gender and Time (Manchester: Manchester University Press, 2017).

  10. 10.

    See Bella M. DePaulo and Wendy L. Morris, “Singles in Society and in Science,” Psychological Inquiry 16, no. 2–3 (2005): 57–83; Kinneret Lahad, “‘Am I Asking for Too Much?’ The Selective Single Woman as a New Social Problem,” Women’s Studies International Forum 40, no. Supplement C (2013): 23–32; Kinneret Lahad and Avi Shoshana, “Singlehood in Treatment: Interrogating the Discursive Alliance between Postfeminism and Therapeutic Culture,” European Journal of Women’s Studies 22, no. 3 (2015): 334–49; Jill Reynolds, The Single Woman: A Discursive Investigation (London ; New York, NY: Routledge, 2008); Elizabeth A. Sharp and Lawrence Ganong, “‘I’m a Loser, I’m Not Married, Let’s Just All Look at Me’: Ever-Single Women’s Perceptions of Their Social Environment,” Journal of Family Issues 32, no. 7 (2011): 956–80.

  11. 11.

    Angela McRobbie, “Post-feminism and Popular Culture,” Feminist Media Studies 4, no. 3 (2004): 255–64; Rosalind Gill, “Empowerment/Sexism: Figuring Female Sexual Agency in Contemporary Advertising,” Feminism & Psychology 18, no. 1 (2008): 35–60. See also Rachel E. Dubrofsky, The Surveillance of Women on Reality Television: Watching The Bachelor and The Bachelorette (Lanham: Lexington Books, 2011); Anthea Taylor, “Blogging Solo: New Media, ‘Old’ Politics,” Feminist Review 99, no. 1 (2011): 79–97.

  12. 12.

    Lahad and Shoshana, “Singlehood in Treatment.”

  13. 13.

    Stéphanie Genz and Benjamin A. Brabon, Postfeminism: Cultural Texts and Theories (Edinburgh: Edinburgh University Press, 2009); Taylor, “Blogging Solo.”

  14. 14.

    See Ionela Vlase and Rebekka Sieber, “Narrating Well-Being in the Context of Precarious Prosperity: An Account of Agency Framed by Culturally Embedded Happiness and Gender Beliefs,” European Journal of Women’s Studies 23, no. 2 (2016): 185–99; Julie Ann Wilson and Emily Chivers Yochim, “Mothering Through Precarity,” Cultural Studies 29, no. 5–6 (2015): 669–86.

  15. 15.

    See, for instance, Chen Yaya (陈亚亚), “孤单也可精彩:都市单身女性之生存状态考察 [Lonely Can Be Wonderful: An Investigation of the Living Status of Urban Single Women],” in The Influence of Gender (Shanghai: Shanghai Academy of Social Sciences, Gender and Development Centre, 2014), 148–59.

  16. 16.

    See Cui Xiaolu (崔小璐), “高知大龄未婚女性的婚恋问题浅析 [A Brief Analysis of the Love and Marriage Problems about the Older Educated Unmarried Women],” Northwest Population Journal 32, no. 5 (2011): 58–62, 68.

  17. 17.

    See Hong Fincher, Leftover Women; Luo and Sun, “Are You the One?”

  18. 18.

    Hong Fincher, Leftover Women.

  19. 19.

    See Su Xing (苏醒) and Tian Renbo (田仁波), ““城市剩女” 群体生存焦虑问题研究 [Research on Living Anxiety of the 3S Lady in Cities],” Journal of Qujing Normal University 31, no. 2 (2012): 116–20; Chen, “孤单也可精彩:都市单身女性之生存状态考察”; Su and Tian, ““城市剩女” 群体生存焦虑问题研究.”; To, China’s Leftover Women; Wang and Abbott, “Waiting for Mr. Right.”

  20. 20.

    See Michael Keane, Creative Industries in China: Art, Design and Media (Malden: Polity, 2013); Winnie Wong, Van Gogh on Demand: China and the Readymade (Chicago ; London: University Of Chicago Press, 2014); Anthony Y. H. Fung and John Nguyet Erni, “Cultural Clusters and Cultural Industries in China,” Inter-Asia Cultural Studies 14, no. 4 (2013): 644–56; Pang Laikwan, Creativity and Its Discontents: China’s Creative Industries and Intellectual Property Rights Offenses (Durham: Duke University Press, 2012); Zhang Xiaoming (张晓明), Hu Huilin (胡惠林), and Zhang Jiangang (章建刚), eds., 文化蓝皮书:中国文化产业发展报告 [Blue Book of China’s Culture: Annual Report on the Development of China’s Cultural Industries] (Beijing: 社会科学文献出版社 [Social Sciences Academic Press], 2002); Niu Weilin (牛维麟) and Peng Yi (彭翊), 北京文化创意产业集聚区发展研究报告 [Beijing Cultural Creative Industry Clusters Development Study Report] (Beijing: 中国人民大学出版社 [People’s University Press], 2009).

  21. 21.

    See Jeroen de Kloet, China with a Cut: Globalisation, Urban Youth and Popular Music (Amsterdam: Amsterdam University Press, 2010); Francois Jullien, The Silent Transformations (London; New York: Seagull Books, 2011); Keane, Creative Industries in China; Justin O’Connor and Xin Gu, “Shanghai: Images of Modernity,” in Cultures and Globalization: Cities, Cultural Policy and Governance, ed. Helmut K. Anheier and Yudhishthir Raj Isar (London: Sage, 2012), 288–99; Jing Wang, “The Global Reach of a New Discourse: How Far Can ‘Creative Industries’ Travel?,” International Journal of Cultural Studies 7, no. 1 (2004): 9–19.

  22. 22.

    For a report on such paid xiangqin services, see Fu Jian (傅坚) and Qu Fuqiang (屈富强), “国内顶级红娘:相亲收费最高超千万 Top Domestic Matchmaker: Blind Date Fees up to 10 Million],” 长江商报 [ChangJiang Shangbao], December 30, 2015, http://news.sohu.com/20151230/n432980363.shtml. For a recent court ruling on fraudulent practices surrounding xiangqin services, see Bibek Bhandari, “Down to Fraud? Five Jailed for Scamming Singles,” December 8, 2017, http://www.sixthtone.com/news/1001362/down-to-fraud%3F-five-jailed-for-scamming-singles].

  23. 23.

    Celia Hatton, “Boyfriends for Hire to Beat China’s Wedding Pressure,” BBC News, February 7, 2013, sec. China, http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-china-21192131.

  24. 24.

    We will talk more about the spatial dimension of their everyday life in Chap. 6.

  25. 25.

    See James Farrer, “Love, Sex, and Commitment. Delinking Premarital Intimacy from Marriage in Urban China,” in Wives, Husbands and Lovers: Marriage and Sexuality in Hong Kong, Taiwan, and Urban China, ed. Deborah S. Davis and Sara L. Friedman (Stanford: Stanford University Press, 2014), 62–96; Henrike Donner and Gonçalo Santos, “Love, Marriage, and Intimate Citizenship in Contemporary China and India: An Introduction,” Modern Asian Studies 50, no. 4 (2016): 1123–46; Yeung and Hu, “Coming of Age in Times of Change.”

  26. 26.

    Gavin W. Jones, Zhang Yanxia, and Pamela Chia Pei Zhi, “Understanding High Levels of Singlehood in Singapore,” Journal of Comparative Family Studies 43, no. 5 (2012): 731–50.

  27. 27.

    Liu Wenjia, “The Dawn of ‘Free Love’: The Negotiation of Women’s Roles in Heterosexual Relationships in Tanci Feng Shuang Fei,” Frontiers of Literary Studies in China 9, no. 1 (2015): 98.

  28. 28.

    See Anthony Giddens, The Transformation of Intimacy: Sexuality, Love, and Eroticism in Modern Societies, 1st edition (Stanford: Stanford University Press, 1992); Beck and Beck-Gernsheim, Individualization.

  29. 29.

    Khatidja Chantler, “What’s Love Got to Do with Marriage?” Families, Relationships and Societies 3, no. 1 (2014): 2.

  30. 30.

    Lee Haiyan, Revolution of the Heart: A Genealogy of Love in China, 1900–1950 (Stanford: Stanford University Press, 2006). 106–107.

  31. 31.

    See Lee, Revolution of the Heart; Liu, “The Dawn of ‘Free Love.’”

  32. 32.

    Xiao Hui Faye, “‘Love Is a Capacity’: The Narrative of Gendered Self-Development in Chinese-Style Divorce,” Journal of Contemporary China 19, no. 66 (2010): 735–53.

  33. 33.

    Lee, Revolution of the Heart; Liu, “The Dawn of ‘Free Love.’”

  34. 34.

    Chantler, “What’s Love Got to Do with Marriage?”

  35. 35.

    Pi Chenying, “Fieldwork Report: Love Club,” HERA SINGLE (blog), December 2, 2014, http://www.hera-single.de/love-club/. For a 2017 report on the Love Club, see http://www.kankanews.com/a/2017-02-13/0037878956.shtml?appid=141744. According to the report, the fee for the three-month course has increased to RMB 5000.

  36. 36.

    For a detailed account of the visit, see Pi Chenying’s fieldwork report on Love Club (http://www.hera-single.de/love-club/). I joined Pi during one of her site visits.

  37. 37.

    Neta Yodovich and Kinneret Lahad, “‘I Don’t Think This Woman Had Anyone in Her Life’: Loneliness and Singlehood in Six Feet Under,” European Journal of Women’s Studies, 2017, 1–15.

  38. 38.

    Natalia Sarkisian and Naomi Gerstel, “Does Singlehood Isolate or Integrate? Examining the Link between Marital Status and Ties to Kin, Friends, and Neighbors,” Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 33, no. 3 (2016): 361–84.

  39. 39.

    See Chen Xiuming (陳秀明), “出国与抱负 [Leaving the Country and the Aspiration],” 出国与就业 (Working and Going Abroad), no. 7 (2001): 25–27; Liu Haiming, “The Chinese Diaspora: Space, Place, Mobility, and Identity (Review),” Journal of Chinese Overseas 20, no. 1 (2006): 150–53.

  40. 40.

    Fran Martin has embarked on a research project on the mobility of female Chinese students abroad. See, for instance, Fran Martin, “Intersections: The Gender of Mobility: Chinese Women Students’ Self-Making through Transnational Education,” Intersections: Gender and Sexuality in Asia and the Pacific, no. 35 (2014), http://intersections.anu.edu.au/issue35/martin.htm; Cpianalysis, “Overseas Study as ‘Escape Route’ for Young Chinese Women,” China Policy Institute: Analysis (blog), June 22, 2016, https://cpianalysis.org/2016/06/22/single-and-mobile-overseas-study-as-escape-route-for-young-chinese-women/.

  41. 41.

    For a book-length empirical study of lesbian culture in Shanghai and urban China, see Lucetta Yip Lo Kam, Shanghai Lalas: Female Tongzhi Communities and Politics in Urban China (Hong Kong: Hong Kong University Press, 2012). The study reports and examines similar marital pressures in the larger context of lesbian communities and politics. For an inquiry on representations and imaginaries of female homoeroticism in contemporary China, see Fran Martin, Backward Glances: Contemporary Chinese Cultures and the Female Homoerotic Imaginary (Durham; London: Duke University Press, 2010).

  42. 42.

    In an analysis of the emergence of xinghun, Peng Tianxiao attributes it to the negativity surrounding homosexuality in contemporary China, in particular, the dominant filial norms governing the relationship between children and parents. See Peng Tianxiao (彭天笑), “浅析中国同性恋者选择形式婚姻的原因及影响 [On the Causes and Effects of ‘Xinghun’ Marriage by Chinese Homosexuals],” 中国性科学 [Zhongguo Xing Kexue], no. 8 (2014): 97–99. For an analysis of online ads looking for xinghun partners, see Liu Min, “Two Gay Men Seeking Two Lesbians: An Analysis of Xinghun (Formality Marriage) Ads on China’s Tianya.Cn,” Sexuality & Culture 17, no. 3 (2013): 494–511. Liu’s study shows the complexity of such marital arrangements, in which traditional Chinese values function in tandem with modernistic requirement to be honest to oneself.

  43. 43.

    Literally, hun means “mix” and quanzi means “circles.” The expression hunquanzi is usually used to refer to someone who spends time and effort entering social circles and frequenting social spaces, with clear goals of establishing contacts and networking.

  44. 44.

    Hu Xiaowen and Wang Ying, “LGB Identity Among Young Chinese: The Influence of Traditional Culture,” Journal of Homosexuality 60, no. 5 (2013): 667–84; Tu Jia-Wei and Lee Tien-Tsung, “The Effects of Media Usage and Interpersonal Contacts on the Stereotyping of Lesbians and Gay Men in China,” Journal of Homosexuality 61, no. 7 (2014): 980–1002.

  45. 45.

    Farrer, “‘Love, Sex, and Commitment.”

  46. 46.

    Li Yu (李煜) and Xu Anqi (徐安琪), 婚姻市场中的青年择偶 [Youth Spousal Choices in the Marriage Market] (Shanghai: Shanghai Academy of Social Sciences Press, 2004).

  47. 47.

    Andrew J. Cherlin, “The Deinstitutionalization of American Marriage,” Journal of Marriage and Family 66, no. 4 (2004): 848–61.

  48. 48.

    Deborah S. Davis and Sara L. Friedman, eds., Wives, Husbands and Lovers: Marriage and Sexuality in Hong Kong, Taiwan, and Urban China (Stanford: Stanford University Press, 2014). 3.

  49. 49.

    Ron Lesthaeghe, “The Unfolding Story of the Second Demographic Transition,” Population and Development Review 36, no. 2 (2010): 211–51.

  50. 50.

    Donner and Santos, “Love, Marriage, and Intimate Citizenship in Contemporary China and India,” 1128.

  51. 51.

    Ibid., 1140.

  52. 52.

    Xiao, “‘Love Is a Capacity.’”

  53. 53.

    Ibid., 750.

  54. 54.

    Evelyn G. H. Ng and Catherine W. Ng, “Single Working Women and Motherhood: The Personal and the Political,” Asian Journal of Women’s Studies 19, no. 1 (2013): 9–38. 9.

  55. 55.

    Yeung and Hu, “Coming of Age in Times of Change.”

  56. 56.

    Steven Saxonberg and Tomáš Sirovátka, “Failing Family Policy in Post-Communist Central Europe,” Journal of Comparative Policy Analysis: Research and Practice 8, no. 2 (2006): 185–202.

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  1. Hong Kong Baptist University, Kowloon Tong, Hong Kong

    Chow Yiu Fai

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Yiu Fai, C. (2019). To Love, to Live. In: Caring in Times of Precarity. Palgrave Studies in Globalization, Culture and Society. Palgrave Macmillan, Cham. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-76898-4_5

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