Hidden Tragedies of the Self: the Stalemate of Involuntary Celibacy

Abstract

This article attempts to understand the meaning-making of inceldom using dialogical self theory and semiotics while giving a view into the world of incels - a group of (typically) heterosexual men who suffer a great deal. 'Incel' is an abbreviation of 'involuntary celibate’ - a person who unwillingly is excluded from interpersonal sexual activity. The term incel is loaded with meaning that we try to unpack for the reader while providing some theoretical framework for this purpose. The strong tension between incels, research, and media is addressed as well as the experience of feeling caught in an unwanted state of inceldom which is crucial to understand incels. Towards the end, general points about inceldom and tragedies of the self are made. While sexuality is broadly socially represented as a given and something that is often just figured out, incels who feel excluded from their sexuality become miserable consequently. We theorize that incels create a double-protected border limiting their lives; (1) Tension between wanting yet fearing women creates a rigid border, and incels protect themselves by disowning their emotions. (2) When outsiders challenge the notion of inceldom, they are resisted. This double-protected border is meaningful and used to make sense of the world.