Skip to main content
SpringerLink
Log in

Why Men Stay Single? Evidence from Reddit

Evolutionary Psychological Science volume 5, pages 87–97 (2019)Cite this article

Abstract

In Western societies, a substantial proportion of the adult population does not have an intimate partner. The current paper puts forward an evolutionary theoretical framework, where people stay single for three main reasons, namely the mismatch between ancestral and modern conditions has resulted in several individuals lacking the adaptations necessary for attracting and retaining mates, individuals can increase their fitness by opting out of relationships, and individuals have constraints that prevent them from attracting a mate. The paper attempted to identify the reasons that drive men to be single and to investigate whether they were consistent with the proposed theoretical framework. More specifically, 13,429 responses from a recent Reddit thread were analyzed, and 6794 responses were coded and classified in 43 categories. Among the most frequent reasons that men indicated for being single included poor flirting skills, low self-confidence, poor looks, shyness, low effort, and bad experience from previous relationships.

This is a preview of subscription content, access via your institution.

Access options

Buy single article

Instant access to the full article PDF.

USD 39.95

Price excludes VAT (USA)
Tax calculation will be finalised during checkout.

References

  • Apostolou, M. (2007). Sexual selection under parental choice: The role of parents in the evolution of human mating. Evolution and Human Behavior, 28, 403–409.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Apostolou, M. (2008). Parent-offspring conflict over mating: The case of beauty. Evolutionary Psychology, 6, 303–315.

    Google Scholar 

  • Apostolou, M. (2010). Sexual selection under parental choice in agropastoral societies. Evolution and Human Behavior, 31, 39–47.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Apostolou, M. (2012). Sexual selection under parental choice: evidence from sixteen historical societies. Evolutionary Psychology, 10, 504–518.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Apostolou, M. (2014). Sexual selection under parental choice: the evolution of human mating behaviour. Hove: Psychology Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Apostolou, M. (2015a). Past, present and why people struggle to establish and maintain intimate relationships. Evolutionary Behavioral Sciences, 9, 257–269.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Apostolou, M. (2015b). Sexual dysfunctions in men: an evolutionary perspective. Evolutionary Psychological Science, 1, 220–231.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Apostolou, M. (2016a). An evolutionary account of the prevalence of personality traits that impair intimate relationships. Personality and Individual Differences, 94, 140–148.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Apostolou, M. (2016b). Feeling good: an evolutionary perspective on life choices. New York: Rutledge.

    Google Scholar 

  • Apostolou, M. (2016c). Size did not matter: an evolutionary account of the variation in penis size and size anxiety. Cogent Psychology, 3, 1147933.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Apostolou, M. (2017). Why people stay single: an evolutionary perspective. Personality and Individual Differences, 111, 263–271.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Bowles, S. (2009). Did warfare among ancestral hunter-gatherers affect the evolution of human social behaviors? Science, 324, 1293–1298.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Breslin, P. A. S. (2013). An evolutionary perspective on food and human taste. Current Biology, 23, R409–R418.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Broude, G. J., & Green, S. J. (1983). Cross-cultural codes on husband-wife relationships. Ethnology, 22, 263–280.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Buss, D. M. (2017). The evolution of desire: strategies of human mating (4th ed.). New York: Basic Books.

    Google Scholar 

  • Coontz, S. (2006). Marriage, a history: how love conquered marriage. New York: Penguin.

    Google Scholar 

  • Crawford, C. (1998). Environments and adaptations: Then and now. In C. Crawford & D. L. Krebs (Eds.), Handbook of evolutionary psychology (pp. 275–302). Mahwah: Erlbaum.

    Google Scholar 

  • DePaulo, B. M. (2017). What no one ever told you about people who are single. TEDx Talk. Retrieved from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyZysfafOAs.

  • DePaulo, B. M., & Morris, W. L. (2005). Singles in society and in science. Psychological Inquiry, 16, 57–83.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Eurostat, (2015). People in the EU – statistics on household and family structures. Retrieved from: http://ec.europa.eu/eurostat/statistics-explained/index.php/People_in_the_EU_%E2%80%93_statistics_on_household_and_family_structures#Single-person_households

  • Fales, M. R., Frederick, D. A., Garcia, J. R., Gildersleeve, K. A., Haselton, M. G., & Fisher, H. E. (2016). Mating markets and bargaining hands: mate preferences for attractiveness and resources in two national U.S. studies. Personality and Individual Differences, 88, 78–87.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Flinn, M. V. (1988). Daughter guarding in a Trinidadian village. In L. Betzig, M. Mulder, & P. Turke (Eds.), Human reproductive behaviour (pp. 189–200). London: Cambridge University Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Gallup, (2015). Fewer young people say I do to any relationship. Retrieved from: http://news.gallup.com/poll/183515/fewer-young-people-say-relationship.aspx

  • Ghiglieri, M. P. (1999). The dark side of man: tracing the origins of male violence. Reading: Perseus Books.

    Google Scholar 

  • Gray, P. B., Garcia, J. R., Crosier, B. S., & Fisher, H. E. (2015). Dating and sexual behavior among single parents of young children in the United States. Journal of Sex Research, 52, 121–128.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Gray, P. B., Franco, C., Garcia, J. R., Gesselman, A. N., & Fisher, H. E. (2016). Romantic dating attitudes and behaviors among single parents in the U.S. Personal Relationships, 23, 491–504.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Guo, Q., Li, Y., & Yu, S. (2017). In-law and mate preferences in Chinese society and the role of traditional cultural values. Evolutionary Psychology, July–September, 1–11.

  • Jones, G. (2012). Late marriage and low fertility in Singapore: the limits of policy. The Japanese Journal of Population, 10, 89–101.

    Google Scholar 

  • Keegan, J. (2004). A history of warfare. New York: Vintage.

    Google Scholar 

  • Keeley, L. (1996). War before civilization. New York: Oxford University Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Lever, J., Frederick, D. A., & Peplau, L. A. (2006). Does size matter? Men’s and women’s views on penis size across the lifespan. Psychology of Men & Masculinity, 7, 129–143.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Maner, J., & Kenrick, D. T. (2010). When adaptations go awry: functional and dysfunctional aspects of social anxiety. Social Issues and Policy Review, 4, 111–142.

    Article  PubMed  PubMed Central  Google Scholar 

  • Mautz, B. S., Wong, B. B. M., Peters, R. A., & Jennions, M. D. (2013). Penis size interacts with body shape and height to influence male attractiveness. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 110, 6925–6930.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Morrison, T. G., Morrison, M. A., & Bradley, B. A. (2007). Correlates of gay men’s self-reported exposure to pornography. International Journal of Sexual Health, 19, 33–43.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Office for National Statistics. (2016). Population estimates by marital status and living arrangements, England and Wales: 2002 to 2015. Retrieved from: https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/populationandmigration/populationestimates/bulletins/populationestimatesbymaritalstatusandlivingarrangements/2002to2015#things-you-need-to-know.

  • Perilloux, C., Fleischman, D. S., & Buss, D. M. (2011). Meet the parents: parent-offspring convergence and divergence in mate preferences. Personality and Individual Differences, 50, 253–258.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Pew Research Center. (2006). Internet & American life project, Online Dating Survey 2005. Retrieved from: http://www.pewinternet.org/files/old-media/Files/Reports/2006/PIP_Online_Dating.pdf.pdf.

  • Pew Research Center. (2013). Online dating & relationships. Retrieved from: http://www.pewinternet.org/files/old-media/Files/Reports/2013/PIP_Online%20Dating%202013.pdf.

  • Pinker, S. (2011). The better angels of our nature. New York: Penguin.

    Google Scholar 

  • Prause, N., Park, J., Leung, S., & Miller, G. (2015). Women’s preferences for penis size: a new research method using selection among 3d models. PLoS One, 10, e0133079.

    Article  PubMed  PubMed Central  Google Scholar 

  • Rosenfeld, M. J., Reuben, J. T., & Falcon, M. (2015). How couples meet and stay together, waves 1, 2, and 3: public version 3.04, plus wave 4 supplement version 1.02 and wave 5 supplement version 1.0 [computer files]. Stanford: Stanford University Libraries.

    Google Scholar 

  • Statistics Canada. (2017). Families, households and marital status: Key results from the 2016 census. Retrieved from: http://www.statcan.gc.ca/daily-quotidien/170802/dq170802a-eng.htm?HPA=1.

  • Ta, V. P., Gesselman, A. N., Perry, B. L., Fisher, H. E., & Garcia, J. R. (2017). Stress of singlehood: Marital status, domain-specific stress, and anxiety in a national U.S. sample. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 36, 461–485.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Tooby, J., & Cosmides, L. (1988). The evolution of war and its cognitive foundations. Institute for Evolutionary Studies Technical Report, 88, 1–15.

    Google Scholar 

  • Trivers, R. L. (1985). Social evolution. Menlo Park: Benjamin/Cummings.

    Google Scholar 

Download references

Acknowledgements

The author would like to thank Georgia Kapitsaki and two anonymous reviewers for their constructive feedback which enabled the improvement of this work.

Author information

Authors and Affiliations

  1. University of Nicosia, 46 Makedonitissas Ave., 1700, Nicosia, Cyprus

    Menelaos Apostolou

Authors
  1. Menelaos Apostolou
    View author publications

    You can also search for this author in PubMed Google Scholar

Corresponding author

Correspondence to Menelaos Apostolou.

Ethics declarations

Conflict of Interest

The author declares that he has no conflicts of interest.

Rights and permissions

Reprints and Permissions

About this article

Check for updates. Verify currency and authenticity via CrossMark

Cite this article

Apostolou, M. Why Men Stay Single? Evidence from Reddit. Evolutionary Psychological Science 5, 87–97 (2019). https://doi.org/10.1007/s40806-018-0163-7

Download citation

  • Published:

  • Issue Date:

  • DOI: https://doi.org/10.1007/s40806-018-0163-7

Keywords

search

Navigation