Challenging Accepted Scripts of Sexual “Normality”: Asexual Narratives of Non-normative Identity and Experience

Abstract

Sexual desire is often assumed to be natural and universally experienced by all adult human beings. The lived experiences of asexual individuals, however, are beginning to challenge this assumption. The purpose of this research is to gain a better understanding of asexual experience and identity. This study employed life story interviews with ten self-identified asexual individuals. Results show that asexuality is far more complicated than just a lack of sexual attraction. Respondents in this study arrived at an asexual identity after a discovery process, one that involved research on various sexualities. Participants report discovering an identity that “fit” through research on digital mediums, with Reddit being particularly influential. Several respondents reported trouble with their gender identity, particularly the set of sexual expectations that were hitched to their respective gender expressions. Many respondents noted that they were often assumed to be homosexual. Several participants described their “coming out” process as very similarly aligned with homosexual disclosure. Most respondents first had sexual encounters before realizing their asexual orientation. All respondents experienced relationships, community, connection and romance on their own terms, in unique and creative ways. This group of participants were by no means isolated. Indeed, all interviewees reported involvement in strong communities and many respondents experienced support from others. That said, several respondents did endure resistance, denial and pathologizing reactions from other people, including family members. The insights from this study challenge the normative ways we imagine sexuality, romance and attraction.