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Gender, Dependency and Guilt in Intimate Relationship Conflict Among Spanish Couples

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Abstract

Conflict is inherent to all types of interpersonal relationships. The interdependence that characterizes romantic relationships is related to the way that men and women perceive intimate partner conflict. The emotion of guilt also plays an important role in the perception of conflict. In the present research we study how, in a conflictive situation, dependency in the relationship is related to guilt in men and women. A total of 116 young Spaniards (half men and half women) were exposed to a plausible conflict situation with their partners. Fifty-eight were undergraduate Psychology students who came to the laboratory with their partners (also mainly college students). The perceived seriousness of the conflict was manipulated, and the study explored how this perception affected the emotion of guilt. We also analyzed the effect of dependency on the intensity of experienced guilt. Results showed that women with high dependency felt guiltier than women with low dependency in high-conflict situations.

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Authors’ Notes

This research was supported by Grant SEJ-6225 ¨Psychosocial analysis of legitimacy and prejudice in the maintenance of asymmetrical social relationships¨ from the Andalusian Regional Government and by Grant PSI2011-29720 ¨Sexist ideology and power inequality in the development and maintenance of Sexual Harrasment¨ from the Spanish Ministry of Education and Science.

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Authors and Affiliations

  1. Department of Social Psychology, Faculty of Psychology, University of Granada, Campus de Cartuja, Granada, 18011, Spain

    Inmaculada Valor-Segura, Francisca Expósito & Miguel Moya

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  1. Inmaculada Valor-Segura
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  2. Francisca Expósito
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  3. Miguel Moya
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Correspondence to Inmaculada Valor-Segura.

Appendix in Spanish

Appendix in Spanish

Como te explicábamos al principio, el objetivo de esta investigación es estudiar la dinámica de la relaciones de pareja (implicación, influencia, resolución de conflictos, etc.). Para conocer la forma en que pensáis, sentís y os comportáis en vuestras relaciones de pareja os hemos pedido tanto a ti como a tu pareja que respondáis con total sinceridad a una serie de preguntas que os hemos presentado anteriormente. Con el propósito de mejorar vuestra relación, a continuación tú vas a poder ver las respuestas que ha dado tu pareja a estas cuestiones.

Aunque tu pareja ha valorado muy positivamente vuestra relación, sin embargo, considera que hay cuestiones que serían mejorables y que le preocupan en cierta medida

Situación de Alto Conflicto:

(Nombre de la pareja) manifiesta que en ocasiones se siente controlado/a por ti. (Nombre de la pareja) se siente un poco agobiado/a en la relación y que no puede decidir con total libertad algunas actividades que le gustaría hacer porque piensa que tú no lo entenderías.

(Nombre de la pareja) siente que hay muchas cosas que le gustaría hacer contigo pero que no se atreve a pedírtelas por miedo a que le digas que no. Considera que este tipo de cosas son esenciales en una buena relación de pareja. Tu pareja considera que hay muchas necesidades que tu como su pareja no eres capaz de satisfacerlas

Situación de Bajo Conflicto:

(Nombre de la pareja) se ha sentido mal en algunas ocasiones y ha optado por guardárselo porque no ha notado de ti como pareja el apoyo que necesitaba en esos momentos. Dice que tú no le das demasiada importancia a ese tipo de cosas.

(Nombre de la pareja) dice que hay parcelas de su vida, que pertenecen a su pasado, que nunca ha llegado a compartir contigo por temor a que no lo comprendas. Aunque le gustaría mucho compartirlas contigo, (Nombre de la pareja) no sabe cómo hacerlo

Tu pareja siente que en muchas ocasiones tú no te das cuenta de lo que él/ella necesita porque estas demasiado ocupado en tus propios asuntos y no dedicas el tiempo suficiente a la relación

Appendix in English

As we explained, the aim of this research is to study the dynamics of intimate relationships (satisfaction, influence, conflict resolution…). In order to understand the way you think, feel, and behave in your relationship, we ask you and your partner to respond honestly to a series of questions presented earlier. With the goal of improving your relationship, you will now get to see your partner’s responses to these questions.

Although your partner has rated your relationship very positively, he/she believes there are some issues that could be improved and he/she is worried about it.

High-conflict situation :

(Partner’s name) says that sometimes (s)he feels you are controlling. (Partner’s name) feels somewhat burdened in the relationship, like (s)he does not have the freedom to do as (s)he pleases because you wouldn’t understand.

(Partner’s name) thinks there are many things (he/she) would like to do with you but is afraid to ask you for fear that you will refuse. (S)he thinks these types of things are crucial for a good relationship.

(S)he feels there are many needs that you, as a partner, are not able to satisfy.

Low-conflict situation:

(Partner’s name) says that (she/he) sometimes feels bad and prefers to keep it to (herself/himself) because you don’t understand the importance of some things.

(Partner’s name) says that there are parts of (her/his) past life that (s)he has never shared with you for fear that you won’t understand. Although (s)he would very much like to share them with you, (Partner’s name) doesn’t know how to do it.

(S)he feels that many times you don’t realize (her/his) needs because you are really busy with your own issues and don’t spend enough time on the relationship

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Valor-Segura, I., Expósito, F. & Moya, M. Gender, Dependency and Guilt in Intimate Relationship Conflict Among Spanish Couples. Sex Roles 70, 496–505 (2014). https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-014-0351-2

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