Abstract
Contemporary theory and culture can lead a therapist to view a client’s positive feelings towards parents as defensive idealization, while negative or hostile feelings may be seen as “deeper” and more important. This article suggests that both idealization of and critical feelings about parents can serve as defenses against other painful emotions and both are developmentally necessary. Contemporary neurobiological and attachment research indicate that “talk therapy” helps individuals manage emotions. This work can be derailed if anger is privileged over idealization. Clinical examples illustrate these ideas and show how unpacking both critical and overly positive attitudes can encourage development. Clients increase their capacity to tolerate a wider range of feelings, maintain a consistent and cohesive sense of self, and build meaningful relationships. Therapists’ countertransferential identification with clients’ parent-blaming and a not uncommon desire to reduce complex and confusing experiences to a more manageable subset of emotions are also addressed.
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Notes
The question of recovered and false memories, which is one important area in which parent-blaming has been discussed, is outside both the scope and focus of this article.
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Barth, F.D. Frozen in Time: Idealization and Parent-Blaming in the Therapeutic Process. Clin Soc Work J 38, 331–340 (2010). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10615-009-0237-x
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DOI: https://doi.org/10.1007/s10615-009-0237-x