BDSM, Non-Monogamy, Consent, and Stigma Navigation: Narrative Experiences

Abstract

With the rise in popularity of media pieces depicting alternative sexual/relationship preferences, there has been a rise in interest in kink and BDSM (Sprott & Berkey, 2015), which corresponds with research suggesting that approximately 20% of Americans have been in a consensually non-monogamous relationship (Haupert et al., 2016). Despite this growing popularity, these populations are often stigmatized and misunderstood (Bettinger, 2002). The present study examined the self-reported experiences of individuals who have participated in kink, BDSM, non-monogamy, and/or polyamory. Specifically, the study used qualitative methodology to examine narratives of discrimination, harassment, coming out, being outed, consent violations, and/or sexual assault in a BDSM or non-monogamous encounter. Participants consisted of 67 adults who completed an online survey conducted by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom and were asked to provide narratives of their experience. Data were analyzed using a modified consensual qualitative research methodology (CQR-M; Spangler et al., 2012). Results indicated 11 categories falling into three domains: navigating incidents (consent issues, negotiation of scenes or relationships, identity/beliefs about coming out, and reporting), contributing factors (role of social media/media, exacerbating factors, and beliefs about the community), and response/prevention (outcome of incident, emotions felt, lessons learned from incident by the participant, and what would be helpful from the community). This study contributes to our understanding of the experiences in this community and elucidates strategies that can be used to intervene and advocate for these populations, including education of the general public and deliberate community support.

Appendix A: Survey Questions

Have you been discriminated against because you are kinky or non-monogamous? We also want to hear your story if you’ve been outed or if you’ve outed yourself as a fetishist, cross-dresser, leatherman/woman, or because you’re in a polyamorous or Lifestyle relationship. We also want to hear if you've been involved in a consent incident in a BDSM or non-monogamous encounter. Now we want to let others hear what you have to say.

• What experience do you want to tell us about? (Coming out, outed by someone else, discrimination, harassment, consent incident, other [please specify])

• When did this happen? (In the past year; In the past 3 years; In the past 10 years; In the past 15 years; In the past 20 years; More than 20 years)

• Tell us your story… (Open-Ended Response)

• What Can Be Done? What did you do to respond? How did it work? Thinking back now, is there anything you would do differently? Is there anything others could have done to help you? How would they have known about your need for help? If you had advice for someone who is now beginning to be in that same situation, what advice would you give? (Open Ended Response)

• How Do You Feel About It? What was the most painful part and how did you cope with those feelings? Did anything good come from the experience? Do you think it was a unique experience or one other people are having? Is there anything you need now? (Open Ended Response)

• At that time, did you have any experience with an educational or social group, event, or website for kinky or non-monogamous people? (Yes; No)

• Now, do you have any experience with an educational or social group, event or website for kinky or non-monogamous people? (Yes; No)

Demographic Questions

• What is your gender? (Female; Male; Transgender; Genderqueer; Intersex; Non-binary; Other [please specify])

• What is your sexual orientation? (Gay/Lesbian; Heterosexual; Heteroflexible; Bisexual; Queer; Pansexual; Same Gender Loving; Asexual; Other [please specify])

• What is your race/ethnicity? (you can check more than one) (White; Hispanic, Latino or Spanish origin; Black or African American; Asian; American Indian or Native American; Native Hawaiian or Northern African; Other (please specify))

• What is your age? (18–30; 31–50; 51–70; 71 +)

• What is your yearly household income (before taxes)? (Less than $15,000; $15,000 to $29,999; $30,000 to $59,999; $60,000 to $84,999; $85,000 to $120,000; Over $120,000)).

• What is your yearly personal income (before taxes)? (Less than $15,000; $15,000 to $29,999; $30,000 to $59,999; $60,000 to $84,999; $85,000 to $120,000; Over $120,000)

• What state do you reside in? (Open Ended Response)

• In what country do you currently reside? (United States; Other [please specify])