Abstract
Establishing communicative and behavioral boundaries in romantic relationships provides partners with a greater sense of relational stability and certainty. For romantic relationships, these boundaries, such as sexual exclusivity, are relatively straightforward. For casual sex relationships, however, the relational rules are less stable and certain. This exploratory study examined rules in friends with benefits relationships (FWBRs) for 109 college students in the USA. Responses to open-ended questions were collected through an online questionnaire, and data were qualitatively analyzed through an inductive thematic analysis. The data were structured into communication rules, sexual rules, and relational definition rules. Results provide overlap and extension of previous work investigating rules in FWBRs. Notably, participants reported sexual exclusivity as an important rule. Additionally, potentially competing discourses in FWBR rules were best understood through the lens of relational dialectics. Findings reflect a tension in terms of relational work, as partners struggle with maintaining their sexual and friendship relationship while not falling into the “territory” of romantic relationships.
This is a preview of subscription content, log in via an institution to check access.
Similar content being viewed by others
Notes
Participants in the current study self-identified as male or female; we cannot be certain whether this designation referred to their biological sex assigned at birth, current sex, or whether they answered according to their gender identity.
The data may reflect only one side of a relational dialectic tension per subject (i.e., participants who created a rule reflecting openness, or participants who created a rule reflecting closedness). Participant rules are collectively mirrored through tensions in relational dialectics theory but may or may not necessarily reflect communicative tensions between FWB partners.
Although casual sex relationships are reported more frequently on college campuses, seeking exclusive romantic relationships and engaging in sex within romantic relationships are still more common than casual sex relationships (Fielder et al., 2013).
References
Anders, K. M., Goodcase, E., Yazedjian, A., & Toewsm, M. L. (2020). “Sex is easier to get and love is harder to find”: Costs and rewards of hooking up among first-year college students. The Journal of Sex Research, 57(2), 247–259. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2019.1667946
Argyle, M., Furnham, A., & Graham, J. A. (1981). Social situations. Cambridge University Press. https://doi.org/10.1017/cbo9780511558283
Argyle, M., & Henderson, M. (1984). The rules of friendship. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 1(2), 211–237. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407584012005
Bachman, G. F., & Guerrero, L. K. (2006). Relational quality and communicative responses following hurtful events in dating relationships: An expectancy violations analysis. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 23(6), 943–963. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407506070476
Bailey, B. (1989). From the front porch to the back seat: Courtship in twentieth-century America. John Hopkins University Press. https://jhupbooks.press.jhu.edu/title/front-porch-back-seat
Baxter, L. A. (1986). Gender differences in the hetero-sexual relationship rules embedded in break-up accounts. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 3, 289–306. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407586033003
Baxter, L. A. (1990). Dialectical contradictions in relationship development. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 7, 69–88. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407590071004
Baxter, L. A. (2011). Voicing relationships: A dialogic perspective. Sage Publications. https://doi.org/10.4135/9781452230344
Baxter, L. A., & Montgomery, B. M. (1996). Relating: Dialogues and dialectics. Guilford Press. https://www.guilford.com/books/Relating/Baxter-Montgomery/9781572301016/reviews
Bersamin, M. M., Zamboanga, B. L., Schwartz, S. J., Donnellan, M. B., Hudson, M., Weisskirch, R. S., Kim, S. Y., Agocha, V. B., Whitbourne, S. K., & Caraway, S. J. (2014). Risky business: Is there an association between casual sex and mental health among emerging adults? Journal of Sex Research, 51(1), 43–51. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2013.772088
Bevan, J. L. (2003). Expectancy violation theory and sexual resistance in close, cross-sex relationships. Communication Monographs, 70(1), 68–82. https://doi.org/10.1080/715114662
Bisson, M. A., & Levine, T. R. (2009). Negotiating a friends with benefits relationship. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 38, 66–73. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-007-9211-2
Braithwaite, D. O., & Baxter, L. A. (1995). “I do” again: The relational dialectics of renewing marriage vows. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 12, 177–198. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407595122002
Burgoon, J. K. (1993). Interpersonal expectations, expectation violations, and emotional communication. Journal of Language and Social Psychology, 12(1–2), 30–48. https://doi.org/10.1177/0261927X93121003
Burgoon, J. K., & Hale, J. L. (1988). Nonverbal expectancy violations theory: Model elaboration and application to immediacy behaviors. Communication Monographs, 55(1), 58–79. https://doi.org/10.1080/03637758809376158
Charmaz, K. (2006). Constructing grounded theory: A practical guide through qualitative analysis. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage. https://us.sagepub.com/en-us/nam/constructing-grounded-theory/book235960
Cox, R., & Narula, R. (2003). Playing happy families: Rules and relationships in au pair employing households in London, England. Gender, Place and Culture, 10, 333–344. https://doi.org/10.1080/0966369032000153304
Cushman, D. P., Valentinsen, B., & Dietrich, D. (1982). A rules theory of interpersonal relationships. In F. E. X. Dance (Ed.), Human communication theory: Comparative essays (pp. 90–119). Harper and Row Limited.
Dubé, S., Lavoie, F., Blais, M., & Hébert, M. (2017). Consequences of casual sex relationships and experiences on adolescents’ psychological well-being: A prospective study. Journal of Sex Research, 54(8), 1006–1017. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2016.1255874
Elphinston, R. A., Feeney, J. A., Noller, P., Connor, J. P., & Fitzgerald, J. (2013). Romantic jealousy and relationship satisfaction: The costs of rumination. Western Journal of Communication, 77(3), 293–304. https://doi.org/10.1080/10570314.2013.770161
Epstein, M., Calzo, J. P., Smiler, A. P., & Ward, L. M. (2009). “Anything from making out to having sex”: Men’s negotiations of hooking up and friends with benefits scripts. Journal of Sex Research, 46, 414–424. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224490902775801
Furman, W., & Collibee, C. (2014). Sexual activity with romantic and nonromantic partners and psychosocial adjustment in young adults. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 43, 1327–1341. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-014-0293-3
Furman, W., & Shaffer, L. (2011). Romantic partners, friends, friends with benefits, and casual acquaintances as sexual partners. Journal of Sex Research, 48(6), 554–564. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2010.535623
Glaser, B., & Strauss, A. (1967). The discovery of grounded theory. Aldine Publishing Company
Henderson, M., & Argyle, M. (1986). The informal rules of working relationships. Journal of Organizational Behavior, 7, 259–275. https://doi.org/10.1002/job.4030070402
Hughes, M., Morrison, K., & Asada, K. J. (2005). What’s love got to do with it? Exploring the impact of maintenance rules, love attitudes, and network support on friends with benefits relationships. Western Journal of Communication, 69, 49–66. https://doi.org/10.1080/10570310500034154
Jonason, P. K. (2013). Four functions for four relationships: Consensus definitions of university students. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 42, 1407–1414. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-013-0189-7
Jonason, P. K., Li, N. P., & Richardson, J. (2011). Positioning the booty-call relationship on the spectrum of relationships: Sexual but more emotional than one-night stands. Journal of Sex Research, 48, 486–495. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2010.497984
Karlsen, M., & Traeen, B. (2013). Identifying ‘friends with benefits’ scripts among young adults in the Norwegian cultural context. Sexuality & Culture, 17, 83–99. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12119-012-9140-7
Knight, K. (2014). Communicative dilemmas in emerging adults’ friends with benefits relationships: Challenges to relational talk. Emerging Adulthood, 2(4), 270–279. https://doi.org/10.1177/2167696814549598
Lehmiller, J. J., VanderDrift, L. E., & Kelly, J. R. (2011). Sex differences in approaching friends with benefits relationships. The Journal of Sex Research, 48, 275–284. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224491003721694
Lehmiller, J. J., VanderDrift, L. E., & Kelly, J. R. (2014). Sexual communication, satisfaction, and condom use behavior. Journal of Sex Research, 51(1), 74–85. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2012.719167
Levine, T. R., & Mongeau, P. A. (2010). Friends with benefits relationships: A precarious negotiation. In R. Stewart & M. Bruce (Eds.), College sex - philosophy for everyone: Philosophers with benefits (pp. 91–102). Oxford, England: Wiley-Blackwell. https://www.wiley.com/en-us/College+Sex+Philosophy+for+Everyone%3A+Philosophers+With+Benefits-p-9781444341447
Madsen, S. D. (2008). Parents’ management of adolescents’ romantic relationships through dating rules: Gender variations and correlates of relationship qualities. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 37, 1044–1058. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10964-008-9313-8
Marks, M. J., Young, T. M., & Zaikman, Y. (2019). The sexual double standard in the real world: Evaluations of sexually active friends and acquaintances. Social Psychology, 50(2), 67–79. https://doi.org/10.1027/1864-9335/a000362
Miles, M. B., & Huberman, A. M. (1994). Qualitative data analysis: An expanded sourcebook (2nd ed.). Sage Publications, Inc. https://us.sagepub.com/en-us/nam/qualitative-data-analysis/book246128
Mongeau, P. A., Knight, K., Williams, J., Eden, J., & Shaw, C. (2013). Identifying and explicating variation among friends with benefits relationships. Journal of Sex Research, 50(1), 37–47. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2011.623797
Mongeau, P. A., van Raalte, L. J., Generous, M. A., & Bednarchik, L. A. (2019). Investigating and extending variation among friends with benefits relationships: Relationship maintenance and social support. Southern Communication Journal, 84, 275–286. https://doi.org/10.1080/1041794X.2019.1641837
Owen, J., & Fincham, F. D. (2011). Effects of gender and psychosocial factors on “friends with benefits” relationships among young adults. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 40, 311–320. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-010-9611-6
Owen, J., Fincham, F. D., & Manthos, M. (2013). Friendship after a friends with benefits relationship: Deception, psychological functioning, and social connectedness. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 42(8), 1443–1449. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-013-0160-7
Owen, J., Fincham, F., & Polser, G. (2017). Couple identity, sacrifice, and availability of alternative partners: Dedication in friends with benefits relationships. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 46, 1785–1791. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-016-0716-4
Paul, E. L., & Hayes, K. A. (2002). The casualties of ‘“casual”’ sex: A qualitative exploration of the phenomenology of college students’ hookups. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 19, 639–661. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407502195006
Paul, E. L., McManus, B., & Hayes, A. (2000). ‘Hook-ups’: Characteristics and correlates of college students’ spontaneous and anonymous sexual experiences. The Journal of Sex Research, 37, 76–89. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224490009552023
Peplau, L. A. (1983). Roles and gender. In H. H. Kelley, E. Berscheid, A. Christensen, J. H. Harvey, T. L. Huston, G. Levinger, E. McClintock, L. A. Peplau, & D. R. Peterson (Eds.), Close relationships (pp. 220–264). San Francisco, CA: W. H. Freeman.
Perlman, D., & Sprecher, S. (2012). Sex, intimacy, and dating in college. In R. D. McAnulty (Ed.), Sex in college: What they don’t write home about (pp. 91–118). Praeger Press.
Saldaña, J. (2013). The coding manual for qualitative researchers (2nd ed.). Sage Publications, Inc. https://us.sagepub.com/en-us/nam/the-coding-manual-for-qualitative-researchers/book243616
Sandberg-Thoma, S. E., & Dush, C. M. K. (2014). Casual sexual relationships and mental health in adolescence and emerging adulthood. The Journal of Sex Research, 51(2), 121–130. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2013.821440
Shimanoff, S. B. (1980). Communication rules, theory and research. Sage.
Srivastava, P., & Hopwood, N. (2009). A practical iterative framework for qualitative data analysis. International Journal of Qualitative Methods, 8(1), 76–84. https://doi.org/10.1177/160940690900800107
Tracy, S. J. (2020). Qualitative research methods: Collecting evidence, crafting analysis, communicating impact (2nd ed.). Wiley-Blackwell. https://www.wiley.com/en-us/Qualitative+Research+Methods%3A+Collecting+Evidence%2C+Crafting+Analysis%2C+Communicating+Impact%2C+2nd+Edition-p-9781119390800
Twenge, J. M., Sherman, R. A., & Wells, B. E. (2015). Changes in American adults’ sexual behavior and attitudes. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 44, 2273–2285. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-015-0540-2
Vanderdrift, L. E., Lehmiller, J. J., & Kelly, J. R. (2012). Commitment in friends with benefits relationships: Implications for relational and safe-sex outcomes. Personal Relationships, 19, 1–13. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2010.01324.x
Vrangalova, Z. (2015). Does causal sex harm college students’ well-being? A longitudinal investigation of the role of motivation. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 44, 945–959. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-013-0255-1
Weaver, A. D., MacKeigan, K. L., & MacDonald, H. A. (2011). Experiences and perceptions of young adults in friends with benefit relationships: A qualitative study. Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, 20, 421–453.
Weigel, D. J. (2008). Mutuality and the communication of commitment in romantic relationships. Southern Communication Journal, 73(1), 24–41. https://doi.org/10.1080/10417940701815618
Wells, B. E., & Twenge, J. M. (2005). Changes in young people’s sexual behavior and attitudes, 1943–1999: A cross-temporal meta-analysis. Review of General Psychology, 9, 249–261. https://doi.org/10.1037/1089-2680.9.3.249
Wentland, J. J., & Reissing, E. D. (2011). Taking casual sex not too casually: Exploring definitions of casual sexual relationships. Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, 20, 75–91.
Author information
Authors and Affiliations
Contributions
All authors contributed to the study conception and design. Material preparation, data collection and analysis were performed by all authors. The final draft of the manuscript was written by the first author, and all authors commented on previous versions of the manuscript. All authors approved the final manuscript.
Corresponding author
Ethics declarations
Conflicts of interest
The authors declare that they have no conflict of interest.
Human and Animal Rights
This was an observational study. The Research Ethics Committee (where the study took place) has confirmed that no ethical approval is required, and this study was considered exempt from full review.
Informed Consent
Informed consent was obtained from all individual participants included in the study.
Additional information
Publisher's Note
Springer Nature remains neutral with regard to jurisdictional claims in published maps and institutional affiliations.
Rights and permissions
About this article
Cite this article
van Raalte, L.J., Bednarchik, L.A., Generous, M.A. et al. Examining Rules in Friends with Benefits Relationships. Arch Sex Behav 51, 1783–1792 (2022). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-021-02114-5
Received:
Revised:
Accepted:
Published:
Issue Date:
DOI: https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-021-02114-5