Skip to main content

Advertisement

SpringerLink
Log in

Aligning Mars and Venus: The Social Construction and Instability of Gender Differences in Romantic Relationships

  • Original Article
  • Published:
Sex Roles Aims and scope Submit manuscript

Abstract

An evolutionary approach to gender differences in romantic relationships has pervaded the scientific literature, a trend mirrored in popular culture by Mars-Venus stereotyping. Three studies tested the accuracy of the popular notion that gender differences would emerge for the behaviors women and men want and receive from romantic partners in a sample of 375 students at a southeastern U.S. public university. Across the three studies, only one stable and robust gender difference emerged (desires regarding relationship support), as did several unstable gender differences. However, gender-role identity significantly accounted for nearly half of the variance in this one stable gender difference, challenging the viability of some evolutionary conceptualizations of gender differences and instead providing support for social constructionist and feminist perspectives.

This is a preview of subscription content, log in via an institution to check access.

Access this article

Log in via an institution

Price excludes VAT (USA)
Tax calculation will be finalised during checkout.

Instant access to the full article PDF.

Institutional subscriptions

Similar content being viewed by others

References

  • Abbey, A. (1982). Sex differences in attributions for friendly behavior: Do males misperceive females’ friendliness? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 42, 830–838.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Allgeier, E. R., & Royster, B. J. T. (1991). New approaches to dating and sexuality. In E. Grauerholz & M. Koralewski (Eds.), Sexual coercion (pp. 133–147). Lexington: Lexington Books.

    Google Scholar 

  • Aylor, B., & Dainton, M. (2004). Biological sex and psychological gender as predictors of routine and strategic relational maintenance. Sex Roles, 50, 689–697.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Baron, R. M., & Kenny, D. A. (1986). The moderator-mediator variable distinction in social psychological research: Conceptual, strategic and statistical considerations. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 51, 1173–1182.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Bell, R. R. (1981). Friendships of men and women. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 5, 402–417.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Broverman, I. K., Broverman, V., Clarkson, F. E., & Rosenkrantz, P. S. (1972). Sex-role stereotypes: A current appraisal. Journal of Social Issues, 28, 59–78.

    Google Scholar 

  • Burleson, B. R. (1997). A different voice on different cultures: Illusion and reality in the study of sex differences in personal relationships. Personal Relationships, 4, 229–241.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Burleson, B. R. (2003). The experience and effects of emotional support: What the study of cultural and gender differences can tell us about close relationships, emotion, and interpersonal communication. Personal Relationships, 10, 1–23.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Burleson, B. R., Kunkel, A. W., Samter, W., & Werking, K. J. (1996). Men’s and women’s evaluations of communication skills in personal relationships: When sex differences make a difference – and when they don’t. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 13, 201–224.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Buss, D. M., & Schmitt, D. P. (1993). Sexual strategies theory: An evolutionary perspective on human mating. Psychological Review, 100, 204–232.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Byron, G. G. (1819/2004). Don Juan. London: Penguin Books.

    Google Scholar 

  • Canary, D. J., Emmers-Sommer, T. M., & Faulkner, S. (1997). Sex and gender differences in personal relationships. New York: The Guilford Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Chrisler, J. C., & Smith, C. A. (2004). Feminism and psychology. In M. A. Paludi (Ed.), Praeger guide to the psychology of gender (pp. 271–292). Westport: Praeger.

    Google Scholar 

  • Cohen, J. (1988). Statistical power analysis for the behavioral sciences (2nd ed.). New Jersey: Lawrence Erlbaum.

    Google Scholar 

  • Deaux, K. (1984). From individual differences to social categories. American Psychologist, 39, 105–116.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Deaux, K., & Major, B. (1987). Putting gender into context: An interactive model of gender-related behavior. Psychological Review, 94, 369–389.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Dindia, K., & Canary, D. J. (Eds.). (2006). Sex differences and similarities in communication (2nd ed.). Mahwah: Erlbaum.

    Google Scholar 

  • Eagly, A. H., & Wood, W. (1999). The origins of sex differences in human behavior: Evolved dispositions versus social roles. American Psychologist, 54, 408–423.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Gergen, M. (2001). Social constructionist theory. In J. Worrel (Ed.), Encyclopedia of women and gender: Sex similarities and differences and the impact of society and gender. San Diego: Academic.

    Google Scholar 

  • Goleman, D. (1986, April 1). Two views of marriage explored: His and hers. The New York Times, p. Y19.

  • Gray, J. (1993). Men are from Mars, women are from Venus: A practical guide for improving communication and getting what you want in your relationships. New York: HarperCollins.

    Google Scholar 

  • Gray, J. (1996). Men, women, and relationships. New York: Harper Paperbacks.

    Google Scholar 

  • Gray, J. (2002). Mars and Venus in the workplace: A practical guide for improving communication and getting results at work. New York: HarperCollins.

    Google Scholar 

  • Harris, C. R. (2003). A review of sex differences in sexual jealousy, including self-report data, psychophysiological responses, interpersonal violence, and morbid jealousy. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 7, 102–128.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Hatfield, E. (1983). What do women and men want from love and sex? In E. R. Allgeier & N. B. McCormick (Eds.), Changing boundaries: Gender roles and sexual behavior (pp. 106–134). Palo Alto: Mayfield.

    Google Scholar 

  • Hatfield, E., Sprecher, S., Pillemer, J. T., Greenberger, D., & Wexler, P. (1988). Gender differences in what is desired in the sexual relationship. Journal of Psychology and Human Sexuality, 1, 39–52.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Heesacker, M., Smith, M., & Lawrence, A. (1998). The Desired Loving Behaviors Scale. In C. M. Davis, W. L. Yarber, R. Bauserman, G. Schreer, & S. L. Davis (Eds.), Handbook of sexuality-related measures (pp. 452–453). Thousand Oaks: Sage.

    Google Scholar 

  • Helmreich, R., Spence, J., & Wilhelm, J. (1981). A psychometric analysis of the Personal Attributes Questionnaire. Sex Roles, 7, 1097–1108.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Hendrick, S. S., & Hendrick, C. (1995). Gender differences and similarities in sex and love. Personal Relationships, 2, 55–65.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Hook, M. K., Gerstein, L. H., Detterich, L., & Gridley, B. (2003). How close are we? Measuring intimacy and examining gender differences. Journal of Counseling & Development, 81, 462–472.

    Google Scholar 

  • Kunkel, A. W., & Burleson, B. R. (1998). Social support and the emotional lives men and women: An assessment of the different cultures perspective. In D. J. Canary & K. Dindia (Eds.), Sex differences and similarities in communication (pp. 101–125). Mahwah: Erlbaum.

    Google Scholar 

  • LaFrance, M., & Banaji, M. (1992). Toward a reconsideration of the gender-emotion relationship. In M. S. Clark (Ed.), Review of personality and social psychology (Vol. 14, pp. 178–201). Newbury Park: Sage.

    Google Scholar 

  • Maccoby, E. E., & Jacklin, C. N. (1974). The psychology of sex differences. Stanford: Standford University Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Mead, M. (1935). Sex and temperament in three primitive societies. New York: Morrow.

    Google Scholar 

  • McCormick, N. B., & Jesser, C. J. (1983). The courtship game: Power in the sexual encounter. In E. R. Allgeier & N. B. McCormick (Eds.), Changing boundaries: Gender roles and sexual behavior (pp. 64–86). Palo Alto: Mayfield Publishing Company.

    Google Scholar 

  • McNelles, L. R., & Connolly, J. A. (1999). Intimacy between adolescent friends: Age and gender differences in intimate affect and intimate behaviors. Journal of Research on Adolescence, 9, 143–159.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Miller, L. C., & Fishkin, S. A. (1997). On the dynamics of human bonding and reproductive success: Seeking windows on the adapted-for human-environmental interface. In J. A. Simpson & D. T. Kenrick (Eds.), Evolutionary Social Psychology (pp. 197–236). Mahwah: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates Inc.

    Google Scholar 

  • Oliver, M. B., & Hyde, J. S. (1993). Gender differences in sexuality: A meta-analysis. Psychological Bulletin, 114, 29–51.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Radmacher, K., & Azmitia, M. (2006). Are there gendered pathways to intimacy in early adolescents’ and emerging adults’ friendships? Journal of Adolescent Research, 21, 415–448.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Rose, H., & Rose, S. (2000). Alas, Poor Darwin. New York: Harmony Books.

    Google Scholar 

  • Soper, D. S. (2009). The free statistics calculators website [Online Software]. Retrieved from http://www.danielsoper.com/statcalc/

  • Spence, J. T., & Helmreich, R. L. (1978). Masculinity and femininity: Their psychosocial dimensions, correlates, and antecedents. Austin: University of Texas Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Spence, J. T., Helmreich, R. L., & Stapp, J. (1974). The Personal Attributes Questionnaire: A measure of sex role stereotypes and masculinity – femininity. Journal Supplement Abstract Services Catalog of Selected Documents in Psychology, 4, 434–444.

    Google Scholar 

  • Spence, J. T., Helmreich, R. L., & Stapp, J. (1975). Ratings of self and peers on sex role attributes and their relation to self-esteem and conceptions of masculinity and femininity. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 32, 29–39.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Sprecher, S., & Regan, P. C. (2002). Liking some things (in some people) more than others: Partner preferences in romantic relationships and friendships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 19, 463–481.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Sprecher, S., & Toro-Morn, M. (2002). A study of men and women from different sides of earth to determine if men are from Mars and women are from Venus in their beliefs about love and romantic relationships. Sex Roles, 46, 131–147.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Tannen, D. (1990). You Just Don’t Understand. New York: William and Morrow.

    Google Scholar 

  • Tannen, D. (2001). I only say this because I love you: How the way we talk can make or break family relationships throughout our lives. New York: Random House.

    Google Scholar 

  • Tiegs, T. J., Perrin, P. B., Kaly, P. W., & Heesacker, M. (2007). My place or yours? An inductive approach to sexuality and gender role conformity. Sex Roles, 56, 449–456.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Tiegs, T. J., Todd, B. L., Smith, M. B., Cawood, R. L., Samson, A. W., Labarge, D. C., et al. (2010). The Desired Loving Behaviors Scale: Validity and reliability. Manuscript in preparation.

  • Unger, R. K. (1998). Resisting gender: Twenty-five years of feminist psychology. London: Sage Publications Ltd.

    Google Scholar 

  • Vogel, D. L., Tucker, C. M., Wester, S. R., & Heesacker, M. (1999). The impact of sex and situational cues on the endorsement of traditional gender role attitudes and behaviors in dating couples. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 16, 459–473.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Wood, J. T. (1998). But I thought you meant: Misunderstandings in human communication. Mountainview: Mayfield Publishing Company.

    Google Scholar 

  • Wood, W., & Eagly, A. H. (2002). A cross-cultural analysis of the behavior of women and men: Implications for the origins of sex differences. Psychological Bulletin, 128, 699–727.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Yoder, J. D., Rice, R. W., Adams, J., Priest, R. F., & Prince, H. T. (1982). Reliability of the Attitudes Toward Women Scale and the Personal Attributes Questionnaire. Sex Roles, 8, 651–657.

    Article  Google Scholar 

Download references

Author information

Authors and Affiliations

  1. Department of Psychology, University of Florida, P. O. Box 112250, Gainesville, FL, 32611-2250, USA

    Paul B. Perrin, Martin Heesacker, Tom J. Tiegs, Lawton K. Swan, Alvin W. Lawrence Jr., Mary B. Smith, Robin J. Carrillo & Romy L. Cawood

  2. PsychCare Services, Winter Haven, FL, USA

    Cristina M. Mejia-Millan

Authors
  1. Paul B. Perrin
    View author publications

    You can also search for this author in PubMed Google Scholar

  2. Martin Heesacker
    View author publications

    You can also search for this author in PubMed Google Scholar

  3. Tom J. Tiegs
    View author publications

    You can also search for this author in PubMed Google Scholar

  4. Lawton K. Swan
    View author publications

    You can also search for this author in PubMed Google Scholar

  5. Alvin W. Lawrence Jr.
    View author publications

    You can also search for this author in PubMed Google Scholar

  6. Mary B. Smith
    View author publications

    You can also search for this author in PubMed Google Scholar

  7. Robin J. Carrillo
    View author publications

    You can also search for this author in PubMed Google Scholar

  8. Romy L. Cawood
    View author publications

    You can also search for this author in PubMed Google Scholar

  9. Cristina M. Mejia-Millan
    View author publications

    You can also search for this author in PubMed Google Scholar

Corresponding author

Correspondence to Paul B. Perrin.

Appendix A

Appendix A

Desired Loving Behavior Scale

While considering your current relationship or while considering your most recent previous relationship, please answer the following questions. What do you want your partner to DO or SAY to make you feel loved?

Use the following scale to indicate how often you would like your partner to do or say the following things in order to make you feel loved.

1 = Never

2 = Rarely

3 = Sometimes

4 = Often

5 = Always

1. Tell me that I make them happier than anyone else.

2. Make our relationship a mutual project.

3. Say to me, “You mean so much to me.”

4. Do my laundry every once in a while.

5. Tell me what he/she likes and dislikes in bed.

6. Put a note on my car.

7. Seduce me.

8. Be a good listener to me.

9. Spend time talking with me.

10. Be open to trying new sexual positions.

11. Leave a rose on my pillow.

12. Help me through rough times.

13. Be a good communicator.

14. Take a more active role in sex and foreplay.

15. Say that he/she wants to marry me.

16. Create a feeling of security between us.

17. Cook a special meal just for the two of us.

18. Say, “I love you with all my heart and soul.”

19. Accept my imperfections.

20. Remember my birthday.

21. Good sex.

22. Say to me, “Let’s make love.”

23. Be supportive of me and my decisions.

24. Make a mix tape or CD of songs for me.

25. Talk about our future together.

26. Say to me, “I enjoy spending time with you more than any other person.”

27. Say to me, “I want to be with you forever.”

28. Take walks with me during the day.

29. Write poems.

30. Be sympathetic to my feelings.

31. Have sex in strange places.

32. Oral sex.

33. Make me cookies and brownies.

34. Encourage me to keep going during sex.

35. Say to me, “You are the best thing that ever happened to me.”

36. Say to me, “I’ll always love you.”

37. Change his/her religion.

38. Say to me, “I think that we make a great couple.”

39. Initiate sex.

Scoring:

Relationship Support subscale items – 2, 8, 9, 12, 13, 16, 19, 20, 23, 30.

Scripting subscale items – 1, 3, 15, 18, 25, 26, 27, 35, 36, 38.

Sex subscale items – 5, 7, 11, 14, 21, 22, 31, 32, 34, 39.

Caring Actions subscale items – 4, 6, 10, 17, 24, 28, 29, 33, 37.

Rights and permissions

Reprints and permissions

About this article

Cite this article

Perrin, P.B., Heesacker, M., Tiegs, T.J. et al. Aligning Mars and Venus: The Social Construction and Instability of Gender Differences in Romantic Relationships. Sex Roles 64, 613–628 (2011). https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-010-9804-4

Download citation

  • Published:

  • Issue Date:

  • DOI: https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-010-9804-4

Keywords

Search

Navigation