Mothering Bereaved Children After Perinatal Death: Implications for Women’s and Children’s Mental Health in Canada

Abstract

Introduction: Mothering bereaved children after perinatal death is significant to the mental health of women and their children and yet it is an under-researched women’s health issue. The purpose of this chapter is to present research findings that explicate this phenomenon.

Main Body: A secondary analysis was conducted on data from a study about maternal bereavement conducted with four Canadian bereaved mothers who experienced the death of a baby. More specifically, data that supported a major theme from the original study, mothering bereaved children after perinatal death, were reanalyzed for additional thematic patterns. The findings were interpreted in light of the theory of bereaved parenting. A core finding emerged: bereaved mothering after perinatal death is a complex phenomenon of regeneration that emerges for mothers after the death of a baby while in relationship with her children, both living and dead, and in the context of devastating loss vs grief here. This core finding was made up of two major themes, bereaved children’s impact on maternal bereavement and enacting bereaved mothering. This chapter focuses on the major theme, enacting bereaved mothering, which was comprised of five subthemes: loving/appreciating children more, confirming-questioning mothering, mothering the deceased child, resisting disenfranchisement by acknowledging and modeling grieving and mourning and, fostering a continued connection. The last subtheme was made up of two patterns, supporting the sibling connection through symbols and comfort objects and creating a space for the deceased sibling in the family.

Discussion: Bereaved mothering after perinatal death is a unique and emergent complex phenomenon. Findings from this secondary analysis extend the theory of bereaved parenting to perinatal bereavement and are discussed in light of the extant literature.

Implications: Supporting bereaved women with mothering bereaved children is essential in our communities and has the potential to make a significant impact on the mental health and well-being of women and children in Canada. This research calls for the support of mothers who are bereaved and mothering children both dead and alive after perinatal death. Specifically, the findings provide openings for conversations and explorations during one-to-one and group support sessions, which can take place in healthcare settings, communities, and schools. Findings also indicate the need for bereavement policies and guidelines at local, provincial, and national levels.

Response

• Carine Blin 

1. Bereaved Families of Ontario—Toronto, Toronto, ON, Canada

   Carine Blin

Acquainted with Loss

You, my living children -

Know wisdom born

Of a broken promise.

Babes shouldering the weight

Of a parent’s mourning.

Your questions weaving

A healing narrative

Of love unfolding

Out of hope undone.

Mothering you is my spiritual practice.

Holding you reassures me

With the comfort of a child’s embrace.

Letting go reminds me

With the soft tread of your parting steps,

That loss transformed

Connects us.

There was a time

We were unravelled.

My swollen sense of calm

Your father’s innocence

Together we floated on a dream.

My promised child spinning in my belly

Twisted in his life-giving cord.

We never imagined him

Born in the still silence

That strangled us with grief.

You took the strands

In your small hands

Winding the threads of our family story

With your crayon drawings

Your imagined conversations

Your candid comments

His name upon your lips -

At each mention his presence felt

Like the brush of a butterfly wing

Soft upon my cheek.

You share our private rituals -

Birthday balloons sent floating skyward

Eyes fixed on the tangled image of a boy

Or a babe in arms still

After all these years.

Fingers clenched around the loose string.

Choose the moment

Of letting go

Of parting

Of release.

Watch your white balloon

Rise and vanish in the colourless sky

It seems to disappear

But you can see it still

Just close your eyes.