My Dead Father

Abstract

Having survived a difficult birth, the author’s victory over an early death appears foiled by bipolar disorder, the experience of which Garcia compares to “rehearsing for the process of dying.” Life as he knew it is gone; institutionalization, loss of authority over the self, and neuro changes seem to predict slow death routs life in the present. Even the author’s attempt at engaging in queer “romance and intimacy” are deemed ill-fated. Garcia’s abusive father is himself “dead” and domestic violence at his hands is the likely cause of his mother’s dangerously premature delivery. Yet recollection of the author’s grandmother and her commonsense approach to gardening reveals that even the undesirable has value and purpose in life, and that healing may take place given time.