¿Cómo estás, mi niño? (How Are You, My Boy?): Memories of Father and Fatherhood—Mental Illness, Enforced Masculinity, and Loss

Abstract

Álvarez Jr. recalls a childhood among strong-willed women and a father with whom he shares a name but who suffers from schizophrenia. Macho hypermasculinity is imposed by the family’s matriarchs as if to police the author’s emergent boyhood queer sexuality. In contrast, the father accepts his queer child perhaps because “schizophrenia [has also] queered him.” As the family’s eldest son, Álvarez must perform as the patriarch during and after his father’s demis. Publicly, a stoical Álvarez avoids grieving his father’s passing or calling attention to his own emotional needs. Privately, he is at a loss. The night of his father’s death, Álvarez, is given power-of-attorney over whether or not to resuscitate his parent, he does not.