Consent Lies Destroy Lives: Pleasure as the Sweetest Taboo

Abstract

Consent is so much more than a series of yes/no conversations in response to sexual violence. In a culture still deeply uncomfortable with women’s ownership of eroticism, being collectively distracted only by ‘what’s going wrong’, and not ‘how to do it right’, omits crucial knowledge of how central power is to sex and pleasure. We need a nuanced examination of what makes sex ‘hot’ and to reflect on the cost of our discomfort with making this a priority in public discourses and mature sex education. This chapter explains why and proposes a model of consent that favors integrating eroticism with recognition of nuanced and complex operations of power.