Skip to main content
Log in

Sexual Desire Discrepancy

Current Sexual Health Reports Aims and scope Submit manuscript

Abstract

Sexual desire discrepancy is a mismatch between an individual and his or her partner’s level of sexual desire. Due to the number of factors that influence the ebb and flow of individual sexual desire, desire discrepancy is a common experience at one time or another in long-term romantic relationships. Although this is a common experience, the research in this area has found consistent links between greater desire discrepancy and lower sexual and relationship satisfaction, indicating a need to find ways to modulate issues of sexual desire discrepancy. Little research has examined sexual desire discrepancy in sexually diverse couples or in clinical populations, and this is an important area for future research efforts. This paper reviews the importance of definitions and measurement of discrepant sexual desire, findings in the role of gender and sexual orientation, and the impact of sexual desire discrepancy on sexual and relational outcomes. Additionally, the treatment of sexual desire discrepancy and future directions necessary to expand this area of research are covered.

This is a preview of subscription content, log in via an institution to check access.

Access this article

Price excludes VAT (USA)
Tax calculation will be finalised during checkout.

Instant access to the full article PDF.

Institutional subscriptions

Similar content being viewed by others

References

Papers of particular interest, published recently, have been highlighted as: • Of importance •• Of major importance

  1. Herbenick D, Mullinax M, Mark KP. Sexual desire discrepancy as a feature, not a bug, of long-term relationships: women’s self-reported strategies for modulating sexual desire. J Sex Med. 2014;11:196–206. Discusses the importance of expectations in desire discrepancy and the ways in which women modulate discrepant desire in long-term relationships.

    Google Scholar 

  2. Levine SB. The nature of sexual desire: a clinician’s perspective. Arch Sex Behav. 2003;32:279–85.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  3. Murray SH, Milhausen RR. Sexual desire and relationship duration in young men and women. J Sex Mar Ther. 2012;38:28–40.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  4. Baumeister RF, Bratslavsky E. Passion, intimacy, and time: passionate love as a function of change in intimacy. Personal Soc Psychol Rev. 1999;8:339–63.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  5. Basson R. Using a different model of female sexual response to address women’s problematic low sexual desire. J Sex Mar Ther. 2001;27:395–403.

    Article  CAS  Google Scholar 

  6. Kleinplatz PJ, Menard AD, Paquet MP, Paradis N, Campbell M, Zuccarino D, et al. The components of optimal sexuality: a portrait of “great sex”. Can J Hum Sex. 2009;18:1–13.

    Google Scholar 

  7. Perel E. Mating in captivity: unlocking erotic intelligence. New York: Harper; 2007.

    Google Scholar 

  8. Mark KP, Murray SH. Gender differences in desire discrepancy as a predictor of sexual and relationship satisfaction in a college sample of heterosexual romantic relationships. J Sex Mar Ther. 2012;38:198–215. Addresses the relevant impact of desire discrepancy on satisfaction for men and women and was the first to describe this link.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  9. Ellison CR. A research inquiry into some American women’s sexual concerns and problems. Women Ther. 2001;24:147–59.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  10. Zilbergeld B, Ellison CR. Desire discrepancies and arousal problems in sex therapy. In: Leiblum SD, Pervin LA, editors. Principles and practice of sex therapy. New York: Guilford Press; 1980. p. 65–101.

    Google Scholar 

  11. Davies S, Katz J, Jackson JL. Sexual desire discrepancies: effects on sexual and relationship satisfaction in heterosexual dating couples. Arch Sex Behav. 1999;28:553–67.

    Article  CAS  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  12. Tiefer L. A new view of women’s sexual problems: why new? Why now? J Sex Res. 2001;38:89–96.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  13. Hurlbert DF, Apt C, Hurlbert MK, Pierce AP. Sexual compatibility and the sexual desire-motivation relation in females with hypoactive sexual desire disorder. Behav Modif. 2000;24:325–47.

    Article  CAS  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  14. Clement U. Sex in long-term relationships: a systemic approach to sexual desire problems. Arch Sex Behav. 2002;31:241–6.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  15. Blair K, Pukall C. Can less be more? Comparing duration vs. frequency of sexual encounters in same-sex and mixed-sex relationships. Can J Hum Sex. 2014;23:123–36.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  16. Dawson SJ, Chivers ML. Gender differences and similarities in sexual desire. Cur Sex Health Rep. 2014.

  17. Mark KP, Herbenick D, Fortenberry D, Sanders S, Reece M. The object of sexual desire: examining the “what” in “what do you desire?”. J Sex Med. 2014;11:2709–19.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  18. Bridges SK, Horne SG. Sexual satisfaction and desire discrepancy in same sex women’s relationships. J Sex Mar Ther. 2007;33:41–53.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  19. O’Sullivan LF, Allgeier ER. Feigning sexual desire: consenting to unwanted sexual activity in heterosexual dating relationships. J Sex Res. 1998;35:234–43.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  20. Baumeister RF, Cantanese KR, Vohs KD. Is there a gender difference in strength of sex drive? Theoretical views, conceptual distinctions, and a review of relevant evidence. Personal Soc Psychol Rev. 2001;5:242–73.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  21. Mark KP. The impact of daily sexual desire and daily sexual desire discrepancy on the quality of the sexual experience in couples. Can J Hum Sex. 2014;23:27–33. First paper to describe desire discrepancy on an event-level and indicate its importance to impacting the quality of the sexual experience for men and women.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  22. Willoughby BJ, Farero AM, Busby DM. Exploring the effects of sexual desire discrepancy among married couples. Arch Sex Behav. 2014;43:551–62. Extends the work of Mark and Murray into married couples and provides an example of defining desire discrepancy using frequency.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  23. Willoughby BJ, Vitas J. Sexual desire discrepancy: the effect of individual differences in desired and actual sexual frequency on dating couples. Arch Sex Behav. 2012;41:477–86.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  24. Santtila P, Wager I, Witting K, Harlaar N, Jern P, Johansson A, et al. Discrepancies between sexual desire and sexual activity: gender differences and associations with relationship satisfaction. J Sex Mar Ther. 2007;34:31–44.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  25. Reece R. Causes and treatments of sexual desire discrepancies in male couples. J Homosex. 1987;14:157–72.

    Article  CAS  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  26. Apt C, Hurlbert DF, Pierce AP, White CL. Relationship satisfaction, sexual characteristics and the psychological well being of women. Can J Hum Sex. 1996;5:195–210.

    Google Scholar 

  27. Davison SL, Bell RJ, LaChina M, Holden SI, Davis SR. The relationship between self-reported sexual satisfaction and general well-being in women. J Sex Med. 2009;6:2690–7.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  28. Mark KP. The relative impact of individual sexual desire and couple desire discrepancy on satisfaction in heterosexual couples. Sex Rel Ther. 2012;27:133–46. Describes the differential impact of one’s individual level of sexual desire and desire discrepancy on satisfaction outcomes.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  29. Day LC, Muise A, Joel S, Impett EA. To do it or not to do it? How communally motivated people navigate sexual interdependence dilemmas. Pers Soc Psyc Bul. 2015;1-14.

  30. Kaplan HS. The evolution of sexual disorders. New York: Brunner/Mazel; 1983.

    Google Scholar 

  31. Meston CM, Buss DM. Why humans have sex. Arch Sex Behav. 2007;36:477–507.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

Download references

Compliance with Ethics Guidelines

Conflict of Interest

The author declares that she has no competing interests.

Human and Animal Rights and Informed Consent

This article does not contain any studies with human or animal subjects performed by the author.

Author information

Authors and Affiliations

Authors

Corresponding author

Correspondence to Kristen P. Mark.

Additional information

This article is part of the Topical Collection on Female Sexual Dysfunction and Disorders

Rights and permissions

Reprints and permissions

About this article

Check for updates. Verify currency and authenticity via CrossMark

Cite this article

Mark, K.P. Sexual Desire Discrepancy. Curr Sex Health Rep 7, 198–202 (2015). https://doi.org/10.1007/s11930-015-0057-7

Download citation

  • Published:

  • Issue Date:

  • DOI: https://doi.org/10.1007/s11930-015-0057-7

Keywords

Navigation